Black Doves
by Psycho Maddy
Summary: Every single person that comes in and out of your life makes what you are.They form what you are.Would you allow others to see that?Black doves can fly but if they could speak, what would they say? Post JD. Jibbs
1. Flying Over Memory Lane

I was going to post this last month but my computer broke down...I lost everything I had written!It's a WIP but the new computer is on the way and it should make things easier.It's not a songfic but the song is very important.Thanks Tori Amos(or not...).

1. Flying Over Memory Lane

He watched his agents discussing their current case. His agents. It sounded wrong. No, maybe borrowed, but certainly not his. He was still trying to figure out a way to bring his team back together and getting frustrated at himself.Tony, Ziva and Tim. Gibbs wondered what they were doing at that exactly moment. He kept an eye on McGee whenever he could but Ziva and Tony worried him, were too far away. Their lives had changed drastically and he could tell none was really satisfied with their new position. It was amazing how everything had changed in months, so little time yet one of the longest periods of time in his life. Searching for his keys, he asked himself what was keeping him on the job. Everything had been destroyed. Piece by piece. It was not like there was something left for him at NCIS anymore, not that he'd forgotten Abby and Ducky but it was hardly the same. He had lost his team. He had lost his Jenny. All took from him in the blink of an eye.

He missed Tony's jokes, his sense of humour, and the great agent in him. He held a place in his heart. So did Ziva.He'd learnt to trust her. She was loyal, skillful and there was this very sweet girl she kept hidden inside of her. Tim was briliant, dedicated and eager to prove himself, not that he needed to. He refused to headslap the new team. It felt like betrayal.

He missed Jenny too. Her enchanting eyes, her perfume, their fights, sharing meals together, meetings in the elevator. He had the impression he'd never get over it, didn't want to. If only her house was still there, he could smell her clothes, her pillow, rely on more than just his memory and the few things he had of their time together. Day after day, he caught himself looking up at the catwalk as if Jenny would come out of her office at any time and give him one of her smiles while she watched him. How tough it was, how it hurt. He saw her everywhere and it was silently driving him crazy. The moustache back on his face, his hair was longer. Jenny would have liked that.

Shaking these thoughts away, he headed to the elevator, suddenly aware that he owned Abby a visit.

The loud music that usually fulfilled the room couldn't be heard, which surprised him. He entered carefully, searching for Abby. She was nowhere to be seen. He found her Ziva besides her Tony and it made him smile. Life would be unbearable without Abby. He looked at the computer screen in front of him, she still kept his face there, just in case. However, he noticed it wasn't the one from always. It was a smaller one, covering half of the screen, the other half covered by Jenny's face. He had to deter his hands from touching it. He wished he could be more like Abby sometimes.

"Abby?" he called, searching for her, looking here and there.

"I'm here, Gibbs" she replied in a muffled voice.

He walked to the other side of her lab and found her sat on the floor, under one of her babies.

"Hey Gibbs" she said, almost cheerful, waving her hand at him "Help me?"

He took her hand and lifted her up, her pigtails dancing.

"Thanks" she turned away from him and went to her Caf-Pow.

Gibbs stood there, staring at her.

"You called me. Anything on the case?"

She bit her bottom lip, shaking her head.

"Abs? Do you have something for me or not?"

Abby grabbed Bert, pressed him against her tightly and nod.

"I do, but there's nothing to do with the case"

She turned around and walked to where "Ziva" and "Tony" were standing.

"We have something for you"

He watched as she brought a middle-sized box and put it next to her computer, in front of him.

"She wanted you to have this and…she said I was the only one who could give it to you if something happened, the only place nobody would look at".

Gibbs ran his hand over its top and nodded, not really listening anymore.

"I'm sorry I didn't give it to you before but you haven't stopped by in a while" she said, choosing her words.

By the end of the day, he got his keys and went to his car, carrying the box with him. Lost in his own thoughts, Gibbs was brought to reality as he saw a very familiar redhead leaving the building.

* * *

The little girl smiled widely at the woman, holding her hand. They were going for a walk down the beach, as they had always done, for as long as she could remember. She liked to live there, it was a beautiful place. There were lots of trees, a shining sun and the bluest sky in the whole universe. It was so perfect. She had everything they needed right there, but her companion kept leaving her behind from time to time. That wasn't good. No, it wasn't. The girl believed that she would find a way to show the woman that she didn't have to leave anymore, it'd be safe to stay.

And they would be together forever.The girl irradiated happiness just by thinking of the future.

"Faster" she said, clinging to her companion's hand, almost dragging her.

_She was a January girl  
She never let on how insane it was_

Her older friend would be so happy, so thankful that she'd decide to stay. She had everything planned.

They walked and walked, passing birds standing on the way and an empty chair, which she thought was very strange but didn't have time to make questions. They were doves, all of them, and the only kind of living creature, human or not, aside the girl, she'd ever seen there. When the woman had arrived for the first time and inquired about the doves, the girl refused to explain to her why there were so many doves around, saying that she'd have to find it out by herself, that she couldn't tell her or the black doves would know it. They always did. She never said why that would be a problem…

"Where are we going today?" the woman asked, staring at sea almost entirely left behind.

"We're going to the woods" she answered, more than proud of herself.

_In that tiny kinda scary house  
By the woods  
By the woods  
By the woods_

A few steps along and the sun could not be seen anymore. The trees were older and larger, with very dark green leaves. She didn't know if it was already night because the trees blocked the way and hid the sky. The humidity increased and an unpleasant, almost fetid breeze filled her nostrils. As they got even deeper in the woods, she got goose bumps on her skin. She had a bad feeling about this place and wanted to return to the calm beach and never set foot in the woods again. It became denser and darker as they progressed. Soon the woman was too tired to continue and stopped, still holding the girl's hand. However, while she recovered her breath, she found herself alone. Moreover, alone and lost.

The shadows of the trees seemed to press closer everytime she looked around, as if they're alive and moving. They moved in a pulsating motion, breathing heavily. The woman looked for the girl, calling her name until her lungs began to protest, mainly because those trees were breathing in all the oxygen and breathing out carbon dioxide. There was no reason to worry about starving wild animals, she knew she wouldn't find anything other than doves, but she couldn't help feeling like a prey being observed by its predator. When she tried to find her way back to the beach, she heard the sound of something running through rustling leaves and branches, long and continuous, still distant but close enough to be audible which caused her to freeze, thinking it might have been just her overactive imagination or the girl, that had found her at last.

"Is that you? It's late, we need to go" she shouted to the girl, or so she presumed.

_Black-dove  
Black-dove_

Not getting a response, she gathered all her courage and self-control and walked to where she thought the noise had come from. In the silence, listening very carefully, she heard the faint sound of voices mingled with the vibrating sound of dancing leaves. Taking a few steps forward, she was able to see the shape of something crouching near an empty chair and shook all over as it stared at her with its big eyes wide-open before vanishing. Her heart rate and the shivering of her body increased. She told herself it had been just an animal that got afraid of her and run away, maybe the girl was wrong.However, she could hear loud footsteps and whatever it was had left muddy footprints behind. Everything happened so fast that for the first time since she had realized she was lost in the woods, she feared for her life.

All of a sudden, looking at the bushes to her right, she saw a flashing light shining towards an even denser area. As she followed it, the light getting brighter as she walked, she felt the hair on the back of her neck stand up and it only got worse when she saw yet another chair. Choosing to ignore it, she kept going in the light's direction. Approaching by a rough path, she found herself in the front of a hut. It was very small and dusty on the outside and made of wood, cluttered with trees, yellow, brown and green leaves, branches, vines and ground growth. Except there was no sign of the light that had guided her, seeing that the lights, if there were any, on the inside and outside were all turned off. It looked scary enough from where she stood, she doubted its interior would turn out to be completely different and that staying there until morning was the best alternative she could come up with. Her brain worked quick, weighing her options. Staying out could be dangerous, the temperature had already dropped and she was starting to get hungry.

_You're not a helicopter  
You're not a cop out either_

With trembling hands and sweating, she took a step closer to the old, large door. The feeling of being watched took over her, intensifying the tremors of her hands and she felt an internal shiver. Slowly, she grabbed the doorknob, which was incredibly freezing to the touch and turned it. As the door swung open, creaking loud, she almost turned around, thinking some fresh air wasn't so bad after all. She looked up at the sight in front of her and instantly found out two things: one, the house was abandoned; two, she neither would get any sleep nor attempt to even blink an eye while she stayed under that roof. Just by staring at it, lingering in the doorway, she couldn't help but feel as if there was a presence lurking in the shadows. Listing all the reasons to why she should rather go in than stay out in her head, she tried to convince herself of what was supposed to be the best for her then.

She was about to get in when she was reminded of her little friend. Rationally, she guessed the girl had to be somewhere outside but for all the time they'd walked together, the child had never hesitated, not even once. It was therefore unlikely that she was lost as well. But if that was true, where was the girl and why would she leave her alone on purpose? If it wasn't so dark and cold…She hadn't forgotten the mysterious light that had vanished either, just like that creepy little thing near the chair. The shack, considering the darkness, was empty. She couldn't imagine herself turning off the lights if she lived in a place like that and with the friendly neighbours there must be. It looked creepy enough from the outside and breaking into it, in the middle of the night, didn't seem such a good idea after making sure there were no lights shining from the inside, not one she could spot from the doorway.

_Black-dove  
Black-dove_

Sneaking her head through the now open door, she searched the nearest wall trying to find the light switch. A couple of minutes later, she had successfully turned on all the lamps she could see, she counted two, in the living room. It was better than she'd thought, not as frightening or hideous. Hesitating, she got in, step by step.

"Hello?" she called. No answer.

There wasn't much furniture. A small sofa, a dozen pictures hanging on the walls, a fireplace next to a closed door, a round table with four chairs in the corner and a red oak bookcase full of books. Everything was surprisingly clean, no spiders or cobwebs, the only evidence that it wasn't an abandoned place. There was fresh air too. The tiny hut looked more real than anything she'd seen since entering that world. There was something about it. There were no shadows around it because it wasn't affected by the moonlight; it was solid, permanent, rigid, with vivid colours but not painted. The wind too didn't come near it, like there was a sort of a barrier shielding it. The cold had stopped and so had the hunger but her mind still worked to organize everything in a logical sequence. There were books here and there but it didn't look untidy, it looked more like an organized mess. The books had different colours and sizes, most of them in the bookcase. One of them caught her attention. She'd recognized its cover everywhere. She hadn't exactly a list of favourite books but she had read that one twice. She opened it and started reading, maybe it'd be good to spend the night there…

_I should have trusted him more. I should have been honest from the beginning, expressed my feelings, told him everything. (But if he'd known what I was really like, would he still have loved me?) The trouble was that I wanted to maintain his illusions for him intact, and it was easy to do, all it needed was a little restraint: I simply never told him anything important._

_But it wasn't more honesty that would have saved me, I thought; it was more dishonesty. In my experience, honesty and expressing your feelings could lead to only one thing. Disaster._

Feeling the hair in the back of her neck standing up, she lifted her head from the open book. That same presence she'd felt before was there again and so was the fear it provoked. She heard footsteps going from the threshold to the centre of the room and then stopping. Slightly recovered, she took a step back, and another, until her back was against the bookcase. It started again, low and heavy footsteps going in her direction. She'd have run but didn't know where to.

_You don't need a space ship  
They don't know you've already lived_

It was so close to her that she could feel and see its breath in the air, cold and gray, floating next to her face. She turned around as fast as she could but didn't move; it'd grabbed her wrist. She found herself slowly returning to her previous position, against her own will, afraid of what she'd see and so she closed her eyes. Voices started to echo inside her head, calling her name, whispering their secrets in her ears, the room started to spin around. Children, men, women, their words sounded incoherent and didn't make any sense. Some were angry, others frightened, scared, crying in agony, shouting, pleading for help. There was a baby crying, a child laughing, a man getting furious at his wife, all reverberating at the same time with multiple frequencies. She fell to her knees, screaming in agony.

"Make it stop" she whispered

They wouldn't stop, she couldn't make them stop. They were so angry and she had no idea what she had done to them. She rested her forehead on the ground, wrapping her arms around herself, shivering from more reasons than just the cold air. She was too tired of fighting and they refused to stop.

"Let me go"

It was suffocating and she was temporarily blinded by the unbearable pain. She felt a warm liquid beneath her hands and faced the ground. It looked like water but felt pastier and was slightly blue; she saw her own face reflected there, different, strained out of shape, and a black shadow hanging over her head.

It stood in front of her as soon as the water had evaporated, dressed in a black cloak, a hooded figure. It stretched its arms, palms up, reaching out for her. It knew her, her thoughts and she did recognize it in return but from where?

_On the other side of the galaxy  
The other side of the galaxy  
The other side of the galaxy_

She moved away in anticipation from a touch that never happened. Without uttering a word, it spoke to her, she saw her name floating in the air, felt it touch her skin. She tilted her head back and looked up at it. She wasn't so afraid anymore but still apprehensive; she didn't know what to expect. The voices in her head screamed louder and louder, it was blurring her eyes.

It looked neater and dangerously closer, with arms wide open. She couldn't see its face but sensed its eyes on her. Its voice echoed in her head, angrier and louder than the others, whispering words of hatred. She didn't see it moving forward and striking her, like a lion would, covering her entire body with the cloak. Her head hit the floor with a thud, but she saw something before she lost consciousness. And then that feeling…

_She had a january world  
So many storms not right somehow  
How a lion becomes a mouse_

"I just want to rip it from your chest…" the hooded figure whispered in her ear and pain spread through her body.

She cried in silence, not able to move anymore. The voices started to fade away, they were crying too, for her and for them. She knew she'd never forget that place…

And that awful feeling those voices gave her that day would never leave her bones.

_By the woods  
By the woods  
By the woods  
By the woods  
By the woods  
By the woods_

TBC

I'd love to hear what you guys think, mainly because I'm not so sure if I should be doing this...not in English anyways.


	2. Voices From The Past

_Thanks to everyone who took the time to review, put the story on alert and sent PMs - Verity, Aserene, Genevra and Ssbailey and others.By the way, there were very interesting theories but I'm not telling who the girl is and yes, I love romance. If you think this is boring...don't give up on me yet,ok?Have fun!_

2. Voices From The Past

She looked in the mirror, the reflection staring at her was of a stranger. It was not just the now darker hair that made her lose herself in it. She'd finally realized that someone else, a different person, had taken her place. Life used to be so easy but it had to change or at least she kept trying to convince herself of that.

It was for the best, right? Run away from a previous life, an inevitable problem, a granted suffering. And everything else, most good things included. If it'd been worth it, she couldn't tell but it was her present, meticulously planned by somebody else. The past could only be missed at this point. Two roads diverged in a wood and she did take the one less traveled by. However, she didn't exactly have a say in that, acceptance was the right word. And yes, that has made all the difference. That part hurt. It felt wrong. Everything around her seemed fake, out of place, unreal.

Because the real her was lost. Forgotten along the way.

Six feet under. Buried. Dead. A ghost, a hologram, that's how she felt.

Something imaginary, alive only in her own mind. She was the only witness to her own crime.

She missed the colours, the sensations, the intensity that only a proper existence could provide. Some people know what it's like to live, other people, the biggest fraction, manage to survive. Her present status wasn't the most satisfactory and she desperately searched for a modification. It didn't seem to be too much to ask.

Should not be too much to ask.

Everytime she turned back the clock, she found herself falling deeper and deeper. She didn't believe in changing the past, not literally. In fact, she wanted quite the opposite. The world didn't have to stop but a second chance... maybe...it could be nice.

Or not.

Everytime she was in bed, she took her time to think and above all, to feel. While the rest of the house and the neighborhood were completely silent, she felt like drowning, slowly submerging into the depths of unconsciousness, of memories forgotten. Whenever the moment came, silence wasn't the absence of sound nor was the darkness the absence of light.

They were something else, full of a new, more significant meaning and she had learnt to appreciate both of them, to grow into them.

It reminded her of him. His personality, his attitude, his smile, his eyes. She wondered what he was doing at that exactly moment.

* * *

She was losing her patience.Again.It had happened quite often lately. It was her decision to make, nothing new about that. So why couldn't everybody else leave her alone? She wasn't a little girl, hadn't been one for ages. That little girl, devoted to her hero father, was dead, gone for good, end of story. The same could not be said about the memories and nightmares of a time long gone, with ghosts running around and chasing her mercilessly.

"Don't do it. You know you might regret it" came the soft but steady voice.

"Stop it! Now!" her own voice sounded louder than she had intended to. The trembling running through her veins told her it was just the beginning. Once started, she couldn't be stopped.

"I'm the only one responsible for myself, for what I do and for achieving what I want as well" she said, furious like only she could be. Tightened lips, white knuckles and a glare that used to make others feel desperately nervous. She wanted to hurt and she would, no matter who or what was within reach.

And the earthquakes, going again and again.

How can you escape? When you live in an aquarium, how can you break free?

It was like a box. What if Pandora had been the one left at the bottom?

There is nothing worse than despise yourself, believe you'll mess up, even not knowing what the next step is going to be, knowing you'd be the first one to cause yourself harm. She felt abused, used by herself.

If even you are not able to love yourself, who will?

Had anyone ever thought about how the solitary inside the box must feel? Was there anyone to hold her hand, rock her to sleep after seeing all the same old shadows in a nightmare?

She had.

Time after time.

Anyone else? Not in her case. In her own world, nothing she had was truly hers. She wasn't even there to begin with.

And it was scaring.

Pretending to be someone, something else had been and still was…destructive.

Apparently, she was able to feel again after being under water for so long. Perhaps depression had found her at last and all she could think of was a piano…it'd more helpful than anyone ever would. And there was him.

What about him? He certainly had a boat. Would she allow him to save her? Wouldn't that be cruel, too cruel? Because she knew how to be cruel…

* * *

The air was icy cold, the wind blowing so strong sounded as an endless mourning, and it was dark. There was nothing to be seen whichever direction she looked at. From the spot where she laid in the dark, she could smell and almost taste the humid earth underneath her. She tried to move but found it to be an impossible task, her whole body felt lifeless. As she kept trying, she suddenly remembered that if she couldn't move, she could do something else to get attention and tried to use her voice. Hopefully, that one would work.

Something, anything had to be done, her instincts kept sending that same message and demanding a solution.

She concentrated on the task before her, closing her eyes, taking deep breaths and decided to start with her hands. Without opening her eyes, she imagined her fingers, one by one, the way they were then. Slowly, she imagined them moving and tried to do it herself, starting with her index.

Nothing.

Somehow, she had no doubt she wasn't tied up but for some reason, her body remained completely, but for some reason, her body remained completely paralyzed. She'd never been so afraid. On the one hand, she felt like soon, very soon, something would happen and it'd create her decisive moment, her increased heart rate only accentuated that feeling. On the other hand, she had no idea what that could be, even if her intuition said otherwise. But why couldn't she remember? What was she doing in the middle of nowhere? What about her body, why couldn't she move?

She tried again, this time starting with her vocal folds, but no sound was emitted, she kept opening her mouth to the silence. As time continued to go by, she felt even more nervous, even scared, if possible. She open her eyes, at least they still obeyed her command, and looked around, searching for some light, praying to God whoever had done this to her wouldn't come back any time soon. She was positive there was a someone out there responsible for that because she couldn't find a reasonable motive to be where she was at the moment in spite of all the times she'd tried. Her cheeks began to get slightly damp and she wondered if she had started to cry unconsciously. Her body and mind couldn't be more separated, existing without establishing communication.

It took her several minutes to finally realize she was not crying. In fact, it had been the raindrops, pouring all over her face now. She'd only noticed because of the smell of the wet earth. The subsequent brilliant flash of light would have made her scream if she'd been able to. The explosion made her eyes burn and for the first time, she managed to discern something in the dark. It looked like a door but it was gone faster than the blink of an eye, before any attempt to locate it again. She'd seen tree too, they were everywhere. Not the most reassuring knowledge. Thunder came next, a loud thunderclap.

That couldn't be good. If she remembered correctly, it meant the lightning had stroked too close for her own good. And the second lightning was brighter followed by an even noisier thunder. She confirmed what she's seen in her previous glimpse. There was indeed a very large, wooden door and there was also no way to get to it. In her mind, she hit her head over and over again on the ground, until she heard it.

Danger was getting closer and it had feet. For once, it'd be better if she'd been electrocuted by the lightning.

Her eyes moved from left to right, up and down. The wind had gotten too violent, too sharp, it'd be impossible to fight against it. Fear crept inside her, her heart pounding in her throat and chest. By now, she was wet from head to toe, clothes clinging to her body. It was even harder to breathe.

Her movements returned, sort of…she was trembling, furiously.

Soon, there was light again but from beyond the door and someone walking, going straight to her she was. Every and each of the footsteps echoed inside her. As they got closer, louder, heavier, she shut her eyes. Not wanting to see, refusing to be there.

It was beside her, she could feel its breath against her skin. A sharp pain spread from her chest to the rest of her body. When she smelt smoke, an urge to protect herself took over her. And as the shadow bent over, her eyes fluttered open.

She woke up breathing hard and put her hands over her eyes. It had only been a nightmare this time…

* * *

He was in the kitchen when something caught his attention. Walking closer to the window, he saw someone standing near his house, looking at the horizon. At first, he said to himself it wasn't his problem. But then, as minutes went by, he decided to check it out.

"Can I help you?"

"Excuse me?"

She didn't face him. Instead she let out a deep sigh, afraid it would be her last.

"I used to live here"

"A lifetime ago"

He watched as she loosened her hair and turned to look at him, sunglasses no longer shielding her eyes. She was a beautiful girl, in her twenties, with dark blue eyes and a black, almost blue, hair. He stood there, hesitant.Inside of his head, he was trying to figure out if he'd seen her before. She was wearing a black pair of skinny jeans tucked into boots and a white t-shirt.

Working her fingers through her hair, he saw it turn into a single braid. When she was done, her arms fell to her sides and she tried to smile but it looked like she was in some kind of pain.

"It's me, Daddy. It's me. Kelly" her voice sounded so small, it could only be a dream. That girl could not be his daughter. It was impossible. She had buried her a long time ago, had visit her grave for uncountless times. Gibbs could bet he'd wake up at any moment and that girl, the said Kelly, would disappear, as fast as she had come to hunt him.

He wanted nothing more than to tell her to go away and leave him alone but the words stuck in his throat. Uncertainty driving him crazy. It must be a joke, right? A very stupid one... but then...what if...

He approached, standing a few feet away from her, and looked into her eyes. The pain in his heart spreading all over his body. His tongue lightly ran over his bottom lip, signaling he didn't know what to do.

"Look... this is not funny. I've just lost someone I love and...I'm not in the mood for jokes right now".

He should turn around and go back to his boat but something made his legs freeze. Could it really be her? After all this time? The eyes had the same shade of blue but the colour of the hair was wrong and she didn't look like his little girl, not at all. This woman, she was a stranger. How did he expect to compare her with his Kelly? And what the hell was she trying to get out of this? Of him?

She moved even closer and took his hand in hers. This was disturbing and he looked confused. If it was another situation, he wouldn't have let his guard down but he could have never seen this coming.

"I didn't expect you to react differently. What I didn't expect was to see so much pain in your eyes".

With the other hand, she touched her neck and Gibbs noticed she was wearing a silver chain.

"When I was a little girl my father gave me this and I've been wearing it since then" the memories made her smile and the sparkle in her eyes brought all his doubts down. He did recognize that smile. He'd seen it so many times before. It all made sense now.

"Dog tags" they said at the same time.

Her eyes immediately filled with tears.Happiness? No, maybe relief.

"I thought I'd never see you again, Kelly. Not on your feet".

He opened his arms and she promised to herself she'd never go away. It felt so good. To be home, to be safe, to be loved. That man was offering to her more than he thought.

"I missed you" she whispered.

"Missed you too, honey. So much" he tightened his hold on her.Maybe, just maybe, life wasn't so unfair.

She had been afraid of not being accepted back, of being forgotten but her father had always been able to surprise her. And so he did once more. She was home and she loved him even more for that.

* * *

Truth being said, she missed him, needed him to live, didn't want to live without him anymore but things didn't go as planned. It was no meant to be like this, wouldn't happen because of that. It would be a risk to open that door. She went to bed, pushing all those worries aside, sinking into the pillow. She still had her dreams, her memories and as the door wasn't available, they'd be her window.

And for one night, she'd rest in peace, just like it was written in her gravestone.

And him? She promised herself she'd find him someday.

She just hoped he'd still be there…

TBC


	3. A Moment In Time

_This chapter is a little different from the others, almost a lost one shot and it's the less confusing so far. I'm a shipper but not __**this **__shipper.But I needed to practice for future chapters. I don't think this chapter deserves to be rated M but just to be safe...Be careful! Anyway,tell me what you think. ;)_

3. A Moment In Time

She rested her head on his shoulder and he combed her hair with his hand. He smiled at her and placed a kiss on her forehead

"How are we going to do this?" she asked quietly, playing with the hair on his chest.

"How much time we have left?"

"Less than a week" she replied.

He nodded, running his hand up and down her back "We're going to enjoy it as much as possible" he said, kissing her softly "and when everything is back to normal, it should be fine"

"Excited?" she asked, seeing him stare at nothing. He narrowed his eyes and shook his head slowly. She didn't believe him for a second and his lips curving upwards gave him away. She laughed at him and his smile widened.

"You know I love you, right?" she stopped laughing and cupped his face with her hand, caressing his cheek.

She gave him a short kiss on the lips and smiled "I love you too"

She rested her head above his heart, enjoying the sound coming from it "I'll have to teach you how to listen to the stars before we go" she said, looking up at him.

He looked at her confused and kissed the top of her head.

* * *

He couldn't sleep that night and changed positions from left to right and vice versa, but all the tossing and turning didn't help. The sheets soon were tossed away across the room, and he got up, dragging himself to open the window. He picked up his glasses and the book he'd been reading earlier that day. Yawning, he looked up at the stars. They were so enigmatic, so mysterious and promised so many different realities that he could only smile and pretend they were paying as much attention to him as he did to them. As he thought about returning to bed, he asked himself why he couldn't dream of the stars, dream of better days and fairytales; at least for one night, he wouldn't have to worry about dying prematurely, losing someone he loved and how sometimes he felt suffocated by the way he lived his life. He prayed too, because he had no idea what else he could do.

Whenever he dreamt, monsters would come for him and they were not green or purple, didn't have two heads or a single eye. On the contrary, they were the average people –dressed like him, with families and friends like his and above all, mortal just like him. He knew dreams were as real as imaginary and found it very amusing; sometimes he did recognize someone, but their appearance was completely different from what they really looked like. An adult would appear to him as a child, a man as woman, human beings were given the looks of animals or they'd act as he'd never seen them doing before. He considered dreams to be memories or metaphors, even both at the same time, and he'd try to understand what they meant - some of them could be really insightful, telling things he needed to know; others were simply impossible and made him question his sanity or believe he'd been reading too much.

Usually, there were no witches, no vampires, no magical powers. However, there was blood and dead people. Sometimes there were even guns, knives and bombs. They weren't afraid of killing dying, but he was. Alone in his bedroom everynight, he wondered if the other boys and girls at school and in the neighbourhood had nightmares too, what they saw when they closed their eyes at night; they seemed to be so carefree. Perhaps they were pretending, like he used to do. He wished he could run away and find a better place to live, where his point of view would be valuable. But that was forbidden and probably sinful. His father would never give him permission to leave and he couldn't also abandon his friends and siblings; who would look after them?

Sighing, he looked from the book to the open window, feeling the wind whispering to him. If caught, he'd be in big trouble; the window was not even meant to be open, especially not at night. Impatient, he sighed again. The book was thrown away, across the room, and he observed as it hit the ground, rolled and stopped next to the door. He got up again, walked towards his desk and sat down on the chair. It was right in front of the window and he had a great view of the stars. On top of the desk, there were more books, pens and pencils, papers and a small desk lamp. He decided to write a letter; not his first and hopefully, not the last. It was something he really enjoyed, especially when he was worried and wanted piece of mind. Nobody knew of this habit and it only make it more special.

It started when he was seven and never stopped. That day was still clear in his mind because it had been a very important day, when he'd met his best friend and things like that are impossible to be forgotten. Nobody knew they were friends, nobody ever saw them together, but it was there and they both knew – it was more than enough. It started when he was going home from school, distracted and dreamy, and five other boys made fun of him. He tried his best but ended up getting into a fight. He was positive his father would be angry of he arrived home bruised and was giving the best of himself, but they were outnumbered. He literally thanked God when someone else approached them – the person that would later become his best friend – and helped him. He wasn't just given a hand, but two powerful legs too. Everything was fine, apart from his bruised ego, but that was before he looked up at the person and realized he'd been rescued by…a girl.

How embarrassed he had been, but they talked and she was just that…a girl. And he liked her. He'd never imagined it would be possible to be a girl's friend – not in the way they were. But she was so…indescribable. Sometimes he felt strange, his body acted weird and he didn't know what to do. And that of course he would never tell her! But besides that, they didn't keep secrets from each other and he liked the way she'd heard him and say that he was being too dramatic. He liked the fact that she cared, that she was so attentive. Since the first time he had thought about their relationship, he'd write a letter every night and it calmed him down. And in case something happened to him…he'd like her to know she meant a lot to him and that nobody had ever saved his life before. He even let himself think of other possibilities, what could happen if they weren't so different. Whenever it happened, he'd shake his head and remind himself that it was impossible, absolutely impossible.

He sighed and shook his head again. Turning his attention to the paper, he thought about what he'd write this time. As if he couldn't find the words, he looked through the window for inspiration and he must have been very distracted when it suddenly hit him. He heard a noise, coming from his mouth and pain; it had literally hit him and his now sore forehead. His head went backwards and he rubbed the sore spot forcefully as it came back to its original place.

"I hate girls!" he muttered under his breath and stood up, peering out.

Outside he saw that a girl stood waiting – the object of his thoughts – and trying not to laugh._ It wasn't her fault if he'd left the window open…_

"Are you insane?!We agreed no rocks!"

She lifted her hands up in self-defense "How was I supposed to know it was open? What did you expect, my shoes?"

He didn't hesitate and threw the stone back at her, but she was faster.

"It hurts!" he explained, but thinking she couldn't understand that verb "Twice in the forehead! What's next?!"

"Stop crying…" she told him "are you coming or not?" she asked impatiently.

They walked without taking the surroundings into account, trusting their feet to take them were they wanted to go. As they walked side by side, nobody would ever have guessed he was only two years older than her. He was much taller, stronger, already looked like a grown man and she'd privately classified him as 'the perfect boy'. She'd even caught herself blushing when he smiled, feeling nervous when he was too close. But that was too Hollywood and they had no time to Hollywood. Dreams were just dreams.

"Why are you so quiet?" he asked.

She shook her head "Nothing" she replied rather too quickly.

They sat in the darkness, always side by side. The sky was clear and they could see the stars above them. Neither of them talked, but nothing about the silence was awkward. His eyes travelled from his clasped hands in his lap to the girl beside him, observing the moonlight in her long dark hair.

"I like this place" he said, contemplating the view "it's beautiful"

"It is" she agreed and smiled at him "Thanks for sharing it with me"

"You saved my life" he said shyly "and I never had the courage to thank you"

She stared at him for what looked like an eternity. He never saw her hand moving, not until her fist was almost touching his cheek. She smiled at him, the shock so obvious all over his face "You have to be prepared and react faster" she said "Don't let your guard down and you won't have to worry about being rescued"

"Faster?" he enquired "And I didn't let my guard down!" he said, defending himself "There's nothing wrong with the speed of my movements!"

"Really?" she challenged "Prove it"

Of course she didn't expect him to do anything, so she didn't bother. He caught her by the wrist and pulled her to him, kissing her lips softly. She didn't pull back so neither did he. After her comment, he was nervous and eager to prove himself and didn't even know what he was doing until it was done. Those were the longest seconds of his life. It was nice but why was it so weird? He wasn't sure if he'd do it ever again. It didn't feel like his older brother had told him…

When they broke apart, they stared at each other. She was speechless and couldn't decide if she should be angry or not. He was convinced that she was trying to find a way to kill right there. He searched her face for any signs of anger or something else, but it was so hard to read. Looking down, he licked his lips, already blaming his stupidity._ I've never been good with girls._

"Say something" he said, almost pleading "Do something! Hit me!"

She stood up and turned her back to him. She didn't know what to do, what he wanted to hear or what she was going to say. She could handle her impulses but not his.

"We shouldn't do this again" she finally said, struggling to show confidence.

"What?" he asked confused "We shouldn't be friends either and look at us!" he said, with all the confidence he didn't know he possessed.

"It's hardly the same!" she reasoned and turned towards him, right in time to see him leaving.

She went after him, walking as fast as she could, fully aware his legs were a lot longer than hers. She called out his name but he didn't stop and kept walking. She tried a second time, and another.

"Leave me alone" he yelled and she could hear the sadness in his voice.

"Come back" she yelled in return "We need to talk"

She was more than relieved when he stopped and turned around. They had walked more than she'd realized and were now standing next to his house. He turned around slowly, not wanting to go in yet, not so sure of what to expect either. Her cheeks were slightly flushed, her chest moving up and down to catch her breath.

They stood there, just looking at each other. Neither of them knew what to say and it sounded like a good plan to prolong the silence for as long as possible. However, they were fully aware that there was a remote possibility of someone they knew pass by and see them together.

"You're not talking" he pointed out, but she just stared at him, thinking of what she'd say next. She didn't like their current location, it was not the safest. It was too late and they were in plain view, without a place to hide if the situation made it necessary.

"We should probably go to somewhere else" she suggested "I have a bad feeling"

"I'm going home" he said and left.

She watched in disbelief and in slow motion as he fell to the ground heavily. She remembered not being able to move or to even understand it at all. Her eyes searched for something, someone, but there was nothing. She heard someone shouting for help and it sounded so desperate that she couldn't recognize it as her own voice. She wanted to run and help him, but her legs felt too heavy and the distance between them seemed too far away. Suddenly, everything was so quiet, deadly quite and she felt her hands trembling. She thought she had heard another voice but she was sure this time it was only her imagination.

She blinked and looked at him. There was no way he'd said anything, she knew he was already dead. With eyes filled with tears, she walked slowly to his side. There was blood on his t-shirt and his chest wasn't moving. She put a hand above his heart but couldn't feel it beating.

"No" she whispered to herself, lying beside him. She could feel his hot blood underneath her hand as she mourned "Don't do this to me" she pleaded.

His hazel eyes were still wide open, staring at the sky above them. She let her hand trail up from his chest to his throat and rest on his cheek. Turning his head, so they'd be facing each other, she sought for that same brightness in his eyes. She run a thumb over his cheek, his lips and pressed her own lips against his. Only then, she allowed the tears to run down her face. She closed his eyes and memories from all the years they'd known each other flashed one by one through her mind. She cried silently, suppressing sobs whenever she felt them close.

"I'll never forget you" she whispered close to his ear, running a hand through his hair. She squeezed his hand one last time and closed her eyes. A cool wind blew against her face and she felt cold, but didn't leave him alone that night.

* * *

She was woken up by someone calling her name, a thumb wiping away her tears. Opening her eyes slowly, she grabbed that hand and made it stop. Her forehead was sweaty and she felt agitated, adrenalin pumping into her veins, her heart beating fast. She knew it had been more than just a dream. It was real, despite the distorted facts. She remembered how, when and where he had died; and she hadn't been there. Instead, she'd been told about it in the morning by her parents. And she remembered the kiss, her first kiss. She'd have done everything to be there with him that night, to see him one last time, to say…She never got the chance to do so.

"Are you ok?" asked the man beside her, now fully awake. He looked worried; she could see it in his face. His hand was still holding hers.

She nodded, pushing the covers aside and walking towards the window. She needed to recover, to have a moment to think and needed some space – physically as well. Unconsciously, her fingers traced the contours of her lips. It felt so real that she could still feel his lips against hers, his touch, the heat coming from his body.

She looked up – just like him in her dreams, like she knew he used to – and thankfully, the sky was clear and the stars could be seen. The wind blew against her face, making her dark hair flow behind her. She remembered the day he taught her to listen to the stars, to talk to them and how they had practiced together. She'd kept her promise, year after year, making sure nobody took him away from her.

"You don't seem ok to me" the man said, standing right behind her.

She didn't reply and he took a step forward, pulling her to him by the shoulders. She didn't argue, leaning on him. The feel of his body against hers was comforting and she felt safe. She turned her head to the side, letting it rest on his shoulder. While she thought about the woman she had become, he took the chance to kiss the exposed skin of her neck. Although he couldn't see her face, she knew she was now smiling and smiled himself. She turned around and put her arms around his neck, drawing circles with her fingertips.

"You worry too much" she told him while he put his arms around her waist. He pulled her closer and kissed the tip of her nose. She tightened her hold on him and kissed his lips.

"You were having another nightmare" he said and she kissed him again, letting her hands wander through his hair, massaging his scalp. He groaned, his head falling backwards. She smiled to herself.

"I like that" he said, closing his eyes, concentrating on the various reactions her touch had on his body.

"I was just…remembering something" she said, scratching the back of his neck.

"Wanna talk about it?" he asked, lifting her up.

She trailed kisses along his jawline. With her nose moving so close to his skin, she felt the smell of his aftershave and cologne and felt her own blood heating up her skin. She took his ear lobe between her teeth and licked it, loving the sounds that escaped his mouth, loving how the skin felt against her tongue. His hands moved all the way downwards and then returned a little, ending up clutching her hips.

"I want" she whispered in his ear, moving her hand down his chest and stopping at his bellybutton "something else" she let her hand fall downwards, rubbing him through his boxers "Do you want it too?" she asked innocently, repeating the movement. It was something they both liked to do – very much.

"Ziva…"he wasn't sure if he wanted her to stop or continue.

She grinned and he picked her up, attacking her mouth with hunger. His arms around her waist pressed her body even closer to his and one of his hands went to her hair, trying to demonstrate in the kiss all the intensity he felt in that moment. He explored her mouth, letting their tongues slide and circle each other, noticing all the little movements she made, how her body moved against him. Her hands run across his chest, paying special attention to his nipples and she felt the urge to kiss him again. His hands played with the hem of the t-shirt she was wearing, before slipping them under it to touch her now hot skin.

She felt goose bumps where he'd touched and moaned against his skin when his hands found her breasts. Her hands skimmed south, teasing him before taking his boxers off and let it slid to the floor. She loved to feel just how much he wanted this and it always made her proud of herself that she was the cause of it. He removed the t-shirt and carried her to bed and as he saw her sat there, all other thoughts were put aside and he grinned.

"See something you like, Tony?" she asked, pulling him on top of her.

He nodded and wrapped her legs around his waist…

TBC


	4. The Looking Glass

_I hope this chapter answers a few questions.Enjoy it and let me know what you think!I'm changing the summary because I've advised to do so(I forgot to mention something...) _

4. The Looking Glass

The furthest his eyes could reach, the more he blamed himself for whatever had happened. Hiding from them world wouldn't heal the pain and he had to face the facts, ignoring his fear. It needed to be done and he kept repeating it to himself. If he said it many times, he'd believe it. Otherwise he'd been soon running towards the front door. The reality was in front of him and it was red, red like blood.

A trail of blood, apparently coming out of nowhere, had been left behind and now adorned the walls and floor, making its way up the stairs. It went on like it was part of the house, staining the wood beneath the carpet and all over the walls. It was too much blood for a single person to have lost. Or if that was the case, the aid needed to come within the speed of light, considering that the person would still be alive by some not so merciful miracle. He went to the kitchen, trying carefully to avoid stepping on it. There he found more blood on the floor and on the refrigerator's door. He kept going, walking to the bedroom. After opening the door, he found the same macabre scene and stared at the blood on the sheets.

The pool near the bed led to the bathroom. He lingered in the doorway, trying to decide what to do next, and for the first time realizing that a real tragedy might have taken place under that roof. Something was calling, pulling him closer, attracting him to its very core. The strong smell of blood caused sickness, made him dizzy and he had to pause, close his eyes and concentrate. He felt his strength being drained out of his body and his heart contracting. Even if his brain warned him against it, he found it impossible to pull away. Would it make any difference if he chose to run or stay? It wouldn't erase the images, his confusion. It was all so sick and terrible. He should probably touch the blood and see if it was still warm and wondered how he did know that. And why was it so hard to leave it behind, run without ever returning?

He prepared himself to look at the bathroom. That sight made it incredibly worse to stay on his feet because his legs had almost given up and he ran a hand over his face. His throat was blocked and he could barely swallow. Killing one person, seeing dead bodies was one thing, but being inside and part of it was another. Every nerve and cell in his body reacted to that smell, to that sight, to that warmth accompanying him. And he felt great pain, anxiety, restlessness. Even knowing that it was the middle of the night, therefore dark outside, some kind of light surrounded the whole place. It was illuminated by something other than electricity; it was there, he could feel it but not see it.

The red liquid was starting to coagulate, its shade getting darker. He hadn't noticed but his hands were shaking and his lungs fought for some fresh air. He was so taken aback by the situation that his eyes didn't recognize the neatness of everything else. He knew houses do not bleed. However, animals did and there was no animal besides himself inside that house - he was positive the blood wasn't his. Was the animal human or not? Judging by the amount of blood left behind, its owner couldn't possibly be too small. Moreover, the refrigerator's door had been stained as well, not to mention the bathroom. A white towel turned red, blood in the bath. There were also droplets distinguishable here and there, but it looked like someone was bleeding to death. He imagined how the person or animal would look like and came out with the most hideous and scary creatures.

The question was: Why continue to creep up and down, knowing it would only aggravate the situation? What would be worth the risk? Not much, except, maybe the person was looking for something to stop the bleeding and losing more than gaining in the process. Those thoughts were running fast, unconsciously preventing him from worrying about anything else when, suddenly, he heard a loud cry. He froze with terror. It was still there, it had come from inside the house. A look of panic crossed his face and he tried to look away but it was everywhere. The room became too hot, almost suffocating. The silence after the cry lasted rather too long and he felt every second of it. The blood was radiating energy, releasing it in 

colourful heat waves and he watched the puddles shining, as did the blood cascading down the walls and it was beautiful in its own way.

It was getting harder to breathe, the air oppressively hot. He felt cramps all over his body and got dizzy, exhausted, sweating heavily. Then, he thought he heard voices whispering very quickly around him. He couldn't tell if they were female or male nor understand what they were saying at first, but as the temperature cooled down, he comprehended a few words, formed sentences. Vaguely conscious, he saw them dancing in the air. He knew there was a meaning to that nonsense and turned his head to the sound. Somehow, he got the idea that doors and windows had been locked and there was no way out, but wasn't sure if that's what they were meant to tell him. It sent chills down his spine and looking closer, he saw a small bird. In fact, the strangest bird he had ever seen. It had black feathers and two piercing yellow eyes. As it stared at him, he felt the heat wave again. The bird knew him, undoubtedly, and its gaze made him nervous. It refused to look away, giving a cold stare.

He looked closer but didn't move further. If observed attentively, anyone would notice something unusual about its body and it wasn't just its odd, distorted appearance alone- the black feathers were translucent and there was absolutely nothing on the inside; the body was completely empty with exception of a very delicate, beating heart. And it was red, so red that seemed to be bleeding, shining like porcelain.

The tiny thing's sounds, sequential lubs and dubs, got louder and louder while its colour got brighter. The heart made a whooshing sound and he watched in astonishment as droplets of blood dripped from it. He heard his own heart beating fast in response and knew it was time to get out. He looked to the left, to the right, but the door had disappeared. He walked toward the opposite wall, there had always been a window, but he found nothing. It was funny; he could swear it had been there since he'd moved in. Behind him, he heard the whooshing once more, closer this time. He started to punch the walls, expecting to find the door. He had to get out.

He turned around, determined to not give up without fighting back; after all, it was just a bird and he was stronger. The bird was opening its beak slowly which reminded him of a castle door. It happened a second time, and a third, in sequence. He wondered if it would choke to death and even allowed himself to get closer in curiosity. He saw the heart getting bigger, bigger and bigger, like a balloon. And was afraid it'd spill it out if it didn't explode first. Like a balloon, it was going to explode, rather sooner than later…

He kicked and punched, feeling something pulling him, telling himself it was just his imagination. He could get out, he had to.

And the last thing he remembered was a noisy boom and then everything went dark.

* * *

How to begin? Years had passed and the Kelly he used to know had faded away with them. The woman sat in front of him would have never been recognized among other people if seen walking down the street. What if they didn't get along? What if he didn't feel the same for her when he got the time to know her? Would she allow him to even do that?

His grief had longed for as long as the years that had passed since he'd found out about their murder and now she was back, after he tried to put all the pain he went through behind him. He wasn't the same and that wouldn't make rebound any easier. There were new scars, open wounds and if it wasn't enough, he'd just been in the middle of another healing process.

But it would have to wait, wouldn't have happened fast anyway.

The woman in front of him was still his beloved daughter but he didn't think she'd be able to make him forget. After being apart for such a long period of time, he should be the happiest man alive; she'd returned to him, he'd even played with that possibility but never really expecting it to be true. His brain registered the recent events but, for some unknown reason, his response was not so effective. Being honest with himself, said unknown reason was very known. He'd simply chosen not to mix the two moments up. What would the result of surprise, happiness, sorrow, regret and pain, all together, be? He preferred not to experience it.

"You changed" he said and she nodded in response "Dyed your hair, grew up, even dresses like a woman now…" Gibbs hadn't forgotten he didn't exactly have a way with words, but he considered he had managed just fine.

She gave him her best smile. God knew he'd missed that smile for years and coming to think of it, it hadn't changed that much. Kelly ran a hand through her hair; she'd planned every little detail – schedule, clothes, date – meticulously. To impress him, to control his impression of her.

"We all do at some point, right?" was it his eyes trying to deceive him or he'd actually seen something pass through hers? He'd already realized there was some sort of strength, shadows surrounding his daughter. Besides, judging for her words and posture, she'd turned out to be like him, had built a shield to keep her soul protected from the world. She didn't seem nervous and her guard had definitely not been left down.

Would she ever allow him in?

If he was given the opportunity to ask one, and only, question to her, he'd want to know who she was.

_Who are you?_ But he'd keep the question to himself.

For now.

On the other hand, she kept thinking of all that had happened to her through the years. It hadn't been easy, definitely not. They'd hunt her whenever she'd go. It was her problem and hers alone. No need to involve him too. When she was a child, she yearned to grow up fast and do all the complicated things she'd seen the adults doing. Life had certainly become very complicated…

She silently studied his features. There were so many changes but not too many.

She wouldn't tell him that after everything, she started to be afraid of being alone for too long, afraid of the darkness. He couldn't make it stop, so why worry?

Sometimes it'd get worse. The nightmares wouldn't stop for days, weeks, even months. She'd wake up and convince herself it'd just been a simple nightmare but deep in her heart, she knew better than that. She'd carry the scars in her soul; the ones left all over her body didn't seem to remind of it as much. But it was part of her now, her own essence. Impossible to let go.

He could only nod at her words. She was right after all and he hoped she hadn't learnt it the hard way.

"You know I'm not good with words but…why now? Not that I don't want you to be here, it's amazing to see you again, but it's been almost two decades since I last so you and…I have so many questions!" his exasperation and uncertainty were rising his anger towards himself.

She looked him in the eyes and he felt exposed, like she could read him. The silence didn't help. Kelly leant further on the chair. Telling the whole truth was not an option.

"I understand and appreciate it and although I'm not giving details, I can say for sure that the circumstances determined all the interruptions and delays on any plan I might have had to come back" she looked incredibly calm, her voice cold and distant. The walls were too high, too large for him to get a glimpse of the real Kelly. It couldn't be the one he was face to face with or maybe the latter was not the one he wanted to find.

He frowned; luckily, she was avoiding his gaze and didn't see it. Something was wrong but he couldn't reach it. She wasn't just calm, it was disdain. He could see it in her eyes. The trained skills couldn't detect what exactly it was, but his gut was screaming for attention. For once, he wished she was still a little girl, who would trust him without a second thought, who would confide in him.

"I wanted to see you, make sure you're ok" she said but he wasn't buying it.

Good to know she cared but that wasn't his priority at the moment.

"Let's go back a little. What circumstances?" the special agent in him had taken charge of the conversation. He had far more experience than the father.

"I'm sorry but I can't talk about that. Anything else?"

"What do you mean by you _can't_?

"Does it make any difference?"

He'd seen that scene before, everyday at work. But not in his house and it was getting on his nerves. Had she ever been interrogated before or was she a natural? Didn't she get it? He _needed_ to know. People do not disappear and come back years later without a good explanation everyday, like going somewhere and forgetting where you live and that you have a family.

Soon he stood up, pacing up and down. This was insane. How would you deal with your daughter if you weren't sure how to treat her? If she was a complete stranger? If she was treating you with less respect than you thought you deserved? If you had a temper?

"I'm not a child, I'm your father! What the hell is going on? And do not say you came back just to see my face" he was almost shouting and trying his best to restrain himself, his face was getting red, the icy look in his eyes.

"NCIS, right? I've heard about Special Agent Gibbs'…temper" She didn't bother to hide the scorn in her voice.

He looked at her, and if looks could kill, she'd drop dead very soon. Even after being separated for years, she identified the same temper she had in him and that she resisted the sudden urge to smile the best she could. He did it take it personally.

"You have no idea what I've been through" he said, forcing himself to calm down "I've always blamed myself for what happened to you and your mother and I woke up today believing you were dead! You don't even know how it feels, do you?" he asked at last.

"I'm not very emotional myself. What can I say? I'm sorry that I couldn't do anything but I was…yeah, I was eight!

Then he registered the information, the words that had just come out of his mouth, and didn't even bother to hear what she said.

"Your mother…what about Shannon? Is she alive too?"

She knew she'd regret it later, but that was fast. That had been a big mistake.

"Tell me! Is Shannon alive?"

"So –"

"Don't give me that crap! Is she?" he demanded angrily.

She was being cruel and knew he was still restraining himself. He didn't use to be that stubborn when she was a child, did he?

Kelly folded her arms across her chest. The instructions had been clear and she'd pay for it, rather sooner than later. Her mother was a subject she avoided as much as possible, for everybody's sake.

"Are you sure you want to know?"

Honestly, he didn't know. The lost family had always been a part of him and he was afraid he couldn't be the two of them, afraid they'd exclude each other – the family guy and the family boss.

Now his daughter comes back and acts like he deserved to be punished, and if it wasn't enough, he couldn't stop dreaming about Jenny. Trying to bury the past, this time, wouldn't suffice because it had invaded the present.

"Alive?" she laughed "More than you'll ever be; more than the both of us will ever be"

The way she uttered every word hit him with such violence that his body began to ache. Although she admitted to herself he had nothing to do with the cause of her anger and frustration, Kelly redirected them to him nevertheless.

She didn't hate him, she told herself. In fact, she wasn't really sure if there was a way she could associate him to any feeling she might have. He looked like her father, had the same name, lived in the same house; but her father was a Marine and a younger, happier man. The latter would always be in her memory when she needed an escape, a safe place to run to.

He'd never have guessed his own daughter, of all people, would want to hurt him. It ached more than anything else that had ever hurt him; none had got this close to his heart and soul before. He wanted to hug her and be part of her life and ask all the things going on his mind, know her friends and what her favourite colour was, watch films together. But she preferred to attack him. He tried to see things from her point of view; she'd grown up without having a father around and the last time she'd seen him he was leaving her mother and her behind. It was meant to be temporary, but got out of control. He believed they were dead, he'd buried them. What had kept **them **away? There were security matters of course and the word 'classified' instantly appeared before his eyes, warning him by the flash of a neon light. As much as he hated that, he could only accept it now. He had his own rule about secrets…

Rationally, she was his daughter; emotionally, it didn't mean anything, at least to her. And he felt helpless. On the one hand, he wanted to help her and be there for her, get her to trust him. On the other hand, he had to deal with the turmoil going on inside him as well; maybe it was what she was feeling too. There were a thousand possibilities and he could picture himself acting on any of them, but he didn't know what to do, if there was the right one to choose. Leroy Jethro Gibbs felt lost…

"I need time" he said, admitting defeat, not to her but to himself. He'd built his life, his current career, his relations, and his self image based on a sense of responsibility towards his family, because he believed he owed that to them. He'd pushed everything and everyone 

away, not just to avoid being hurt or cause harm but…he thought he couldn't afford to move on when they had been denied the opportunity to live and be happy themselves.

Gibbs thought of everything he'd done and if, given the chance, he would have done the same thing. He remembered being told he'd lost them, Kelly begging him not to go, remembered feeling guilty and blaming himself for not being able to protect them. He'd almost taken his own life away because it seemed so pointless. And he had even killed a man - the man that he believed had killed his wife and daughter.

"There's one thing I don't get" he was angry again, his voice so loud that it filled the empty corners of the room "You come to me like you care, hugging and crying. Then, for no reason, you become The Ice Queen. What's going on here, Kelly? What do you want from me? What am I suppose to think?"

She stared at him blankly. What she wanted, he couldn't give.

"Nothing" she said "You were not supposed to see me, we shouldn't have met".

He looked away and took a deep breath to calm down. It was getting hard to concentrate and all he wanted to do was turn all this off, go to sleep and hope the next day could bring his sanity back.

"I'm sorry"

Gibbs had lost count of how many times she had apologized since her arrival. And he wasn't sure if he had believed any of it. He wished he could be more understanding but under the circumstances he could only be the man he was used to be.

"Stay, leave" he said, much calmer this time "Do whatever you want. I'll be working on the boat" he added, turning to the door. His brain needed a break to process all the disturbing information from the day and if the boat and his bottle of Bourbon couldn't help, he didn't know if there would be anything left of him.

"And do me a favor. Do not apologize, it's a sign of weakness" he said "Especially if you don't mean it"

He didn't give time for her to reply, she probably wouldn't anyways, and the next thing Kelly heard was the bang of the door being slammed shut.

She sat there, staring at the door, at the house she used to know so well. The house was so noisy back then and now the silence…

"Maybe I do mean it" she whispered to herself, not sure if it had been a question or a statement. Kelly suddenly felt her phone vibrating and looked at the ID.It made her smile inwardly._ It used to be faster…_

"I was wondering when you'd finally call"

* * *

Who was it? Shakespeare, wasn't it? Yeah! Hamlet…

_Must be cruel only to be kind_

Those very words conjured up not so pleasant images, months of a meaningless existence. The behaviour of a victim, of an aggressor. Anger coupled with despair. It had grown to be a habit, being a shadow among the living, dwelling partly on the world of the dead and at the same time, on the world of the living. But there had been no other option and given the chance the same would have been done. It made things more acceptable to think this way, like letting someone else take the blame. Those useless thoughts were put aside by shaking her head.

There wasn't a TV but her hands soon reached for the radio. It was old, with big buttons and similar to a box in shape. It was dusty too and when she put it on her lap, a beetle run as fast as those little legs were capable of. Needless to say, she almost dropped the radio. She presumed it was more than enough proof that nobody had turned it on in a lifetime. In spite of its decrepit state, it still functioned. The sound coming from it opened a special gate to the past and a smile lit up her face. Her floating imagination could instantly picture a dialogue between herself and her past through the radio. A very interesting conversation, yet confusing and noisy.

The voice of a man vibrated in her ears and there was a flashback, her mind playing tricks on her; a foreign ship had been washed ashore after a terrible storm and while searching for survivors, it'd been found out that the entire crew had disappeared, vanished into thin air. Did the water devour them? It remained a mystery. The ship evoked an entire mental scheme of a previous life. The temptation of sailing again, the desire to break free of that little prison. It was impossible to estimate how long it would take till it was finally possible to break through the barriers, but the day would come.

Sometimes she wished she could simply turn around and return, entirely, without considering how everyone would react. It was so irrational, the aftermath would be shocking and cruel. All the parts involved must agree on the resolutions, for everybody's sake. Although the need to keep it sealed, that dark side would eventually come out and any decision taken wouldn't make any difference.

* * *

Gibbs was still working on the boat – or at least trying – when someone left a letter over his pillow. Hopefully, he'd find it. Perhaps in the morning because that night required a lot of thinking and the messenger knew that…

* * *

Somewhere far away from his house, someone bent over a gravestone and watched as a rose fell and touched the grass. The flowers that were already there were taken away and the person turned to leave with them, but not without looking back one more time. There was no place as quiet or poetic as a cemetery and this particular one looked more like a garden. It'd be nice to spend the rest of her life there. She'd always admired trees and flowers, but had never had the chance to have her own landscape. She let her fingers brush the inscription there.

_Jennifer Shepard_

_You taught all that knew you what courage meant__  
__And have shown us an example in death as you__  
__did in life. God give me strength in my life without you._

_Friend, partner, boss and more, so much more..._

_Here lies the woman who will forever be the love of my life and that will always live in my heart._

She hadn't been there before and as she read it, the tears escaped her eyes and she almost let the flowers fall, covering her eyes with one hand. Of all things, she didn't expect this.

"Thank you, Jethro" she whispered in the air before leaving.

TBC


	5. Midnight Slumbers

__

Thanks for the reviews and PMs.I've just finished this so I hope the order is right...Enjoy it!And review,that's important too!

5. Midnight slumbers

_"Love, unrequited, robs me of my rest: Love, hopeless love, my ardent soul encumbers: Love, nightmare-like, lies heavy on my chest, and weaves itself into my midnight slumbers." _

_William S. Gilbert._

The following morning he got ready to work in a hurry; he'd have to put an alarm clock in the basement. If it had been months ago, he wouldn't need it, but he had plenty of motivation back then. On the other hand, the present wasn't as stimulating. Some things could not be replaced; his team, his… he sighed. It was still hard to describe or classify their relationship and talk about her in the past. She'd always been there and when absent, he'd been hoping she'd return sooner or later. Former partner, former friend, former lover, boss and former boss; the list went on but they didn't suit her, none of them did. Once upon a time, he'd think of the past and be constantly reminded of the promise he'd made to himself and to them. He owed it to them, a part of him; he'd live to keep them alive with him, to give them what they deserved. He had never allowed himself to be happy because they weren't. Honestly, he didn't know what to do now. Kelly was fine, even if he suspected there was something she wasn't telling him, and so was Shannon from what he'd heard. It was time to build a new life, but he wasn't sure where they fit in that.

When he was young, he couldn't understand why some people don't try harder instead of giving up of their right to live. There was so much to been seen, touched, felt; so many things to do, people to meet. Now that he was a grown man and had seen, done and felt more than necessary, he started to lose his own faith. Sometimes you keep searching for the right decision to make, the one that will mend your life but no matter what, it only gets worse. It wasn't hard to contemplate the idea under those circumstances. He'd had done it himself twice, but was too much of a coward on the first and too 'lucky' on the second. And if he'd been lucky then, he wouldn't see Kelly again. He'd simply die without knowing the truth. He asked himself if Mike would be capable of lying to him for all those years, if he'd been part of them plan.

He didn't even have to ask his daughter what had happened, why they'd been hidden for so long, because he probably knew how it worked better than her. Life was so amazing, absolutely amazing. That very day he'd woken up to meet a team he didn't care about, to work for a person he'd come to hate, to go to a place that made his heart tighten and his mind plays tricks on him. Could it get any better? He missed his friends and the woman he loved, his dead daughter was very alive an acting like a bitch. Yes, life is a blessing. He feared that Shannon would show up in his doorstep sooner or later and he didn't know if he had the strength to copy with that. He was afraid of what he'd feel when he laid his eyes on her.

* * *

Later that night, a bouncing girl dressed in her pink pajamas opened the door, holding a brown teddy bear against her chest. A male voice came from inside the house.

"Emily! What did I tell you about letting your mother in?"

The man rushed to the door, right in time to see his daughter being hugged.

"You're not Diane" he said, more than surprised, staring at the man in front of him, with his daughter in his arms.

"No" he said, looking at Emily "I'm funnier" he added, tickling her. She laughed and kissed his cheek before he put her on her feet.

Having the girl smiling at him warmed his heart. It was good to know he still could make someone smile.

"Look at you" he said, taking her small hand in his big one and turning her around "How's my favourite, most beautiful princess?"

"Getting ready to sleep" came the answers from the girl's father.

"But daddy-" she pleaded, facing her father, giving him her best puppy look.

"Not gonna happen. Room now. Besides, your mother would kill me for that"

She tried to persuade their visitant to come to her aid, clinging to his legs.

"But you've just got here!" she whispered to him

He picked her up "Let's make a deal. I'll give you a lift to your bedroom and you sleep, sounds better?" she shook her head furiously.

"Don't you have to go to school tomorrow?" he asked soflty and she nodded.

"You go to bed and the ugly guy over there and I will keep you company. What do you think? Is that better?"

Emily looked from one to another, analysing her options. After she'd made her decision, she folded her arms and glared at him, just like her mother used to.

"Fine" she finally said, using her teddy bear to swat his arm.

"You're very cute but if you keep acting like your mother you'll never find a boyfriend"

"And where's the problem in that?!" replied her father.

"Don't say that while she has a weapon in her hands…"he said as they passed her father "Thank God you don't have his brains or his looks"

"At least I don't look like a dog…"

"At least I'm not a monkey"

After Emily had finally fallen asleep, they stayed watching her.

"She didn't want to sleep because of nightmares?"

"Yeah"

They remained silent for a while, until it got awkward.

"It's been a long time" Emily's father said and the other only nodded.

"I was serious. You do look like a dog, Jethro"

"Who said I wasn't?" he asked grinning "But if I want, I can change. You, on the other hand, Tobias…"

* * *

They sat there, staring at the empty bottles of beer, both too caught up in the silence.Fornell had no idea what Gibbs had in mind and he was trying to find the best way to ask him. And so the silence hung heavily between them, until Fornell decided he'd take the first step.

"I'm sorry, Jethro" Fornell said, finally giving in.

Gibbs nodded, taking a sip from his bottle "I wish all of you would quit saying that. I hate apologies" his voice sounded distant, like he was daydreaming.

Fornell noticed that Gibbs' grip on the bottle tightened. His friend's behaviour surprised him; he was actually expressing his feeling this time.

"It only makes things worse" he said and for an instant Fornell felt the pain reverberating through Gibbs' voice. The FBI agent observed his friend; maybe it was time to stop drinking. Minutes passed in silence again until Gibbs spoke up.

"Kelly's back" he said without looking up.

Fornell frowned. Too much alcohol indeed. He'd have to ask someone to convince him to take some time off.

"Kelly? Your daughter?" he asked to make sure and Gibbs nodded. He licked his lower lip and leaned closer.

"Jethro, Kelly died many years ago. It was probably just a dream" he said cautiously, glancing sideways and counting the empty bottles discretely.

Gibbs shook his head and put the beer on the table "No, she's there. She's there, Tobias!"

Fornell rubbed his forehead. If the man was naturally stubborn, drunk he was impossible. And he was determined to prove he was right.

"You think I'm crazy?"

"Drunk? Definitely. Crazy? Now that you said..."

"I'm not drunk!"

"Of course not!" Fornell said, feigning an offended expression.

Gibbs let his head fall, feeling it weight "Jenny would have believed me" he whispered quietly, more to himself than to his companion.

"Because she believed her dead father was alive too?!" it sounded as a statement, not a question and Gibbs didn't say anything.

Fornell hated to see Gibbs like that, so broken. Perhaps it was worse than he'd thought. He'd never thought Jenny's death would affect Gibbs so much.

"It's late. Why don't you sleep? You're working tomorrow?" he asked worried about Gibbs driving in that codition.

"No, I'll go home" Gibbs replied, standing up.

"Stay" Fornell advised him.

"I'm not drunk, Tobias" he said and to be honest, he didn't look any less sober than usual.

"You've been working too much"

Gibbs smiled bitterly "No, I haven't" he said, not looking at Fornell "Because she's there whenever I look up. It hurts too much"

* * *

In spite of all, the second day went by quickly. He left to work early in the morning and only arrived at home in the evening. There was food in the refrigerator and the house looked cleaner than usual, so he guessed Kelly was still around. He worked on his boat for a couple of hours, drinking bourbon and thinking. There was no doubt that the girl was his daughter; it was like living with a female version of him. Now he could understand his ex-wives, they were not just being too hard on him. There was no talking with a person like that, it was simply annoying. He debated if it'd be better to wait and check if she was up for talking or pretend to be asleep and ended up deciding on the latter, assuming she'd be back of course.

* * *

He fell asleep on a park bench, to the sound of birds singing and to the view of a rainbow around the sun, like a ring, in a blue sky. However, he only knew that because he had just woken up. It took him a few minutes to open his eyes and when he finally did, he felt like someone was observing him. He straightened up, looked to the right and then to the left, looked up and even under the bench. Nothing. He was technically alone, the closest person being far enough to be seen only as a colourful shadow. In facts, there were whole groups. Most of them were kids, with their parents and siblings. They seemed happy. He blinked and looked at them again, focusing and imagining what would they look like if they were right in front of him. It happened indeed, they were there and he had no idea how. He could even tell them apart; girls, boys, mothers and fathers, even grandparents.

What he didn't know was why he was there, he didn't know the place, had never been there before. He didn't know if there was any specific reason or purpose, if he should be doing something special, maybe meeting a friend. The latter was highly impossible though, none of his friends would ever be in a place like that. Not just because most of them didn't have their own children but for it was a complete opposite to how they lived their lives. It seemed such a wonderful life, and he knew it was; he'd been there himself. He knew why those parents smiled so much, how good it felt to have what they did. He wished to be like that, to be normal and be happy. Maybe if he tried harder.

He heard the children giggling, saw them running, hugging their parents, fighting, pretending to be a superhero or a Disney character. He couldn't help the smile on his face at the sight, it warmed his heart. Then, all of a sudden, they all vanished and he couldn't be more confused. As he looked for them, he doubted he was truly awake. They couldn't have just disappeared. Soon the scene itself started to change. Flowers, trees, birds, buildings and even the sky began to lose their brilliant colours from left to right, like a curtain being drawn. The birds had stopped singing and he watched in disbelief as their feathers turned white, changed to a light grey and continued to darken until they were completely black. He moved his head, determined to follow the crazy wave around. It was fascinating. He could see the colours and then like watching through a microscope, they were in pieces, the smallest dots he'd ever seen.

Leaves were falling, while still green, they reached the ground and then returned grey to the top of the trees. And the sun…the sun was nowhere to be found. He blinked again, but because he was feeling tired and finding it hard to keep his eyes open for long, they were so heavy. To make matters worse, something was blocking his central vision and he felt pressure, like two hands covering his eyes.

Seesaws and playground slides disappeared and were replaced by a single building, surrounded by trees and grass. It came out of nowhere and looked like it had always been there. He blinked again, for the fun of it, to see what would happen next. Maybe he'd find himself back at the playground. To his amusement, he found himself neither atthe playground nor outside the building, but in what he suspected was the inside of it. He didn't know how or when and he was still sat on the park bench.

He almost laughed, realising he was beside a door and he could bet he knew what was written on the door._ Just like old times._ It didn't take long for him to be walking around, looking at every corner, feeling quite nostalgic. He passed one, two, three doors and his doubts were gone. He did know the place; he'd been there before – several times. It was a school and it looked exactly as it did when he used to study there, silence apart. It used to be very noisy and he couldn't see a single child either. That was the first school he'd ever been in that didn't have children talking loudly and running down the halls. _There is something really wrong going on here._ The same phenomenon that happened outside began to affect the school. All the colours started to fade and were replaced by different shades of grey, white and black. It was similar to a silent movie in slow motion, even if he could still smell the colours somewhere. There was a scent of blue filling the air.

He blinked once more and had to admit he'd never thought his eyes could be so useful. This was more than amusing; it was surreal. Instants later, he was walking around the outside of the school. Everything was even quieter and the wind blew against his body, whistling rhythmically. It was good to be there again after spending his entire life pretending he didn't have a past, telling himself that he couldn't be both men at the same time. He felt free and all he could ever wish would be obtained. He heard that familiar, unmistakable sound of silence and tried to define it. It was the sound of something irradiating heat, the certainty that he was not alone. He made his way to the back of the school, following the scent of blue and green and ended up next to a parking lot.

He heard footsteps and turned around, his eyes darting around the area. Maybe there was someone else there and he kept searching. A man riding a bike honked at him as he rode past and he turned around in a hurry. He shook his head and sighed. There was a large dumpster and he was amazed at how it looked so clean, almost as if shining. He noticed there was another bench beside the dumpster, looking exactly like the previous one._ Why would someone put a bench here? What for? _It didn't make sense to him. This time the bench wasn't entirely empty though; there was something similar to a package left there, maybe forgotten by somebody. As he moved closer to the bench, the unknown object started to move and he backed off involuntarily. It kept moving and he forced himself to go forward.

Taking a few steps forward, he saw the package change into a big basket before his eyes. It was white but there was something peculiar about it – a green ribbon. Everything was white, grey or black and all of a sudden, there was something green? At least it explained the smell he'd been feeling. He picked the ribbon up and studied it carefully. It was smooth and shone and it did smell, like green, like leaves. Turning his gaze back to the basket, he found a yellow blanket, touched it with his fingertips, feeling the warmth, and then lift it up. He wasn't really expecting anything but he wasn't ready for what he saw. There in the basket, he found a newborn baby.

It was so small, so fragile that he almost immediately picked the child up but it was also so still. To make sure the worst hadn't happened, he touched the baby's cheek and watched in relief as the baby's eyes opened, the little mouth trying to find his finger. He let out a sigh; it didn't make sense that a newborn baby would be alone in the cold air and next to a dumpster. The skin wasn't even cold. He didn't want to believe that somebody would be able to abandon him, that someone had left him to die._ Him?_ He didn't have to look; he was positive it was a boy.

Clumsily, he planned how he'd hold the baby and after having replayed the scene a billion times in his mind, he finally picked him up. Red eyes stared back at him and the infant stopped sucking his finger, starting to wail.

"You're hungry?" he asked, stroking the palm of the baby's hand and smiled when he grasped the finger.

He spoke to the baby soothingly but the wailing didn't cease. And he was getting nervous, very nervous. The wailing got louder and as he looked at the baby, he saw his face was very red; he was afraid the child might stop breathing or even explode at any second. As the wailing went on uncontrollably and the baby's body shook, he screamed desperately for help. He could see people coming and going but they didn't stop and acted like he was there, like they couldn't see him, like he was invisible. He didn't give up and the child kept wailing. He was so desperate now, feeling helpless, knowing that he had to do something and fast but he had no idea what. The child's heart was beating so quick he could hear it as much as the wailing; it was louder than his own voice.

He ran with his arms firmly wrapped around the child and tried to block the way, shouting endlessly, waving, doing everything to get anyone's attention. They kept walking, lost in their own thoughts. He was almost giving up when he heard silence again. His ears were still burning but the noise had stopped and the temperature cooled down again. The child's wailing had ceased and a bright yellow breeze passed by. He lowered his head and noticed that the baby was still. Like he'd done before, he tried to get a response by touching the baby's cheek with his finger. He waited patiently for the boy to open his red eyes again but it never happened. Suddenly, he remembered all he'd already changed by just blinking his eyes. Maybe it'd work this time. He blinked his eyes.

When he looked at the child again, he thought the baby was dead. His eyes closed and he sighed. He knew it was true and as soon as he realised it, the baby turned blue purple and then grey. He felt cold and so sad that he started to cry.

He walked back to the school, feeling exhausted and carrying the baby with him. He walked to the front door, passed corridors. The school now smelt of cold stones and lavender. This time the place was full of people and he even recognised the faces of old teachers and friends among others he'd never seen before. He approached them and told everything that had happened that day but was disappointed by their reaction. They didn't believe him, said the colours hadn't disappeared, didn't show any remorse for the baby. He got furious, why would he lie? But…the colours were there, surrounding him, all of them. He couldn't have imagined the child though. He insisted on his story and they laughed at him. They laughed, called him a liar, told him he was crazy. Why couldn't they believe him? Why wouldn't they help him?

As they kept telling him he was lying, he showed them the child, but they just turned away. He looked confused and angry at them; he couldn't understand their behaviour. He moved his gaze to the baby and couldn't believe his eyes. The baby wasn't there, it had disappeared but he knew it was true. He'd felt it in his arms.

"It was real, I'm not crazy…" he repeated to himself over and over.

He felt a hand cupping his face and looked up. It was a woman but he couldn't see her face. She was dressed in blue and she made him feel calm. Her perfume…He blinked his eyes and looked at her again. Now he could see her face.

"Jenny" he whispered, his eyes filling with tears.

"You couldn't have done anything, Jethro" she told him and kissed his forehead.

"Am I going crazy?" he asked, reaching out for her.

She smiled at him, shaking her head and turned around.

"Don't leave me again" he pleaded

She walked away and he was soon running after her.

* * *

"Please, Jenny" he pleaded

In the darkness of his room, he called for her. He wasn't aware she was there right beside him, crying herself. She run a hand through his hair and kissed his temple.

"I'm fine, Jethro. You'll be fine."

He kept dreaming, moving restlessly. She hesitated but ended up lying beside him, hugging him from behind. The tears run down her cheeks and he calmed down, holding her hand.

* * *

On the third day, he decided to stay home and get Kelly to talk to him. He woke up early and waited patiently till she got up. He knew she had arrived late and also knew she was having nightmares. He didn't have the courage to wake her up and admit his intrusion but he stood in the doorway, watching as she rolled back and forth and uttered words that together didn't make any sense. He already blamed himself for whatever was going on; he could be more understanding. When she finally appeared, he was drinking the second cup of coffee of the morning and reading his newspaper. She didn't greet him or anything, just ignored his presence. He wasn't surprised at all.

"Morning" he said, watching as she took an apple out of the refrigerator.

"Could be worse…" she replied, as her head disappeared through the open door.

"You always woke up that happy?"

"Only everyday"

Gibbs sensed she was much friendlier this time and decided to push further.

"Going somewhere?" he asked, now aware she was fully dressed and ready to leave.

"Not yet" she replied between bites. He watched her as she ate and she looked down at the newspaper between them on the table.

"I hate having someone staring at me while I'm eating. My last boyfriend used to do that and it didn't end up well for him…" she said, leaning back in the chair.

Gibbs suppressed a chuckle, but she looked as serious as ever. He'd heard that before, being said by someone else, and had been at the end of the fury himself. He kept scrutinising her though and had to admit he was proud of himself; his daughter was a stunning beauty, with her steel blue-gray eyes and her beautiful smile. He'd had always imagined her to grow up and look like her mother but she was completely different and he recognized something in her, almost as if she was a trouble-maker.

"So, where were you last night?" he asked, folding the newspaper.

She shrugged "Out"

"Doing…?" he tried again.

"Something"

"Alone?" he asked, leaning closer.

"Maybe…" she replied, raising an eyebrow.

He eyed her suspiciously and she smiled, showing her white teeth. He didn't let it distract him and gave her a sample of his infamous stare.

"Do I need a lawyer?" she asked, not daring to look away.

"No"

He stood up, poured another cup of coffee and then returned to his seat.

"Kids?" she asked, switching roles with him.

"No"

"Obviously not married. Divorced?"

"Why?" he replied, too quickly for his own good. That was a conversation he wanted to avoid for now.

"It's a yes or no question! What's so difficult?!" she reasoned.

He sighed heavily "Yes"

"That bad?" she asked interested.

"Depends…"

"On?"

"The number…" he replied almost shyly, slightly grinning.

She couldn't believe it. She did know it beforehand but hadn't expected him to open up so easily.

"More than one?!" he nodded slowly, afraid of what she'd think of him.

"Two?"

"Nope"

This time her jaw almost dropped "Three?"

"Yes" he said, thinking that somehow that information wouldn't make the situation easier.

She cocked her head to the side and seemed to contemplate what he'd just said. Either he was a great guy or he was awful to live with.

"Girlfriend?"

"Do I need a lawyer?"

"I'm sure you do…" she said "Very often" she stood up laughing.

He was confused for a split second but shook his head in time to see Kelly opening the door.

"Where are you going?"

She shrugged, not really intending to tell him. Her life had always been a secret and it wasn't about to change now "Out" she finally told him.

After she left, all he could do was shake his head._ There's something really wrong here._

_TBC_


	6. Mask of Sanity

_I do remember this is a Jibbs fic..._

6. Mask of Sanity

She looked around, searching for a safe place to keep her personal belongings. She didn't know how much time she'd be staying there until she found another place more appropriate to stay at and she couldn't afford to have someone snooping around those things. She hadn't exactly brought all her stuff into the house but she didn't have anything other than her purse to keep it out of sight. It could be risky to use the old furniture because it couldn't be locked up and there was always her car but it could be dangerous. She sighed heavily, running a hand through her hair. She rearranged all her things, concentrating in what needed to be done first. She gathered papers and photographs she'd been analysing and put them inside two yellow envelopes. She then put her clothes in the wardrobe, along with her accessories and other garments. She kept her gun within reach beside her pills on the nightstand. Bed finally empty, she tapped her pockets in search of the little box. When she found it at last, her fingers closed around it tightly. Her secret addiction.

She let the familiar smell involve her, controlling her impulses. There was nothing like smoking, nothing that helped to concentrate so much. She took the jeans off and let it slid down her legs, checked if the door was locked and climbed into the bed. She stared at the ceiling, feeling out of place among all those toys. She wasn't tired and wondered if it was best to close her eyes and try to sleep or wait till the sun came up and then get some rest. Whenever she did close her eyes, she'd be staring at faces in the darkness and they'd come to torment her. He'd be there again, he always did.

Turning to the right, she grabbed something hidden between the bed and the wall. It was the best option right now. She studied it carefully and resting on her stomach, put it on her pillow. Her fingers traced the contours through the glass, almost as if expecting something to happen. The light touch spread heat through her body and as she did so, she saw the marks on her skin and she remembered everything. She shook her head and looked back at the jar, sometimes she's shake it slightly to see it moving, imagining he'd wake up. No mattered where it was locked, hidden from curious eyes, she could feel the warmth whenever she put her hands on the jar. It was a strange feeling, brought up so many memories.

"Hello" she whispered

Inside the jar, surrounded by liquid, there was something with ears to hear her voice, with two little legs and two arms, resting. Rested forever curled up in a foetal position, with eyes that never got a chance to see the world. The skin was pale, almost translucent and she could see the tiny veins. The face was detailed as were the hands and the arms were closed to the chest. It was so small. The genitals were distinct and recognisable; it was a boy. It was her darkest secret, the most precious of her black doves.

* * *

As yet another day began, Gibbs found himself in his bed – to his own surprise. He rubbed his eyes and dragged himself to the bathroom, slightly asleep still. Looking in the mirror, he stared at his own reflection. Maybe it was time to stop being so careless. His hair had never got so long and he felt like a hippie. In spite of that, he didn't as old as he had a week ago; maybe being with Kelly had done that to him. He was kind of relieved now. Their first conversation hadn't been a good start and she wasn't the most affectionate person he knew but they were slowly adapting to each other. They hadn't talked about the last seventeen years yet but they were fine. Since it was a Sunday morning and he didn't have to work, maybe they could go somewhere and talk. He took off his shirt and boxers and stepped into the shower. He turned on the tap, giving the water time to heat before stepping under it. and letting the hot water soak his body and run down his back. He felt himself relaxing and closed his eyes. At first, all he could see was black but soon the darkness started to fade and colours appeared.

"I don't even want to imagine why it's taking you so long..." her voice greeted him.

He was with his back to her, but considering the sound of her voice, he was sure she was standing in the doorway. He could smell her perfume, the one that drove him crazy and inhaling deeper he could even feel the softness of her skin and hair under his fingers again. He shook his head, smiling to himself. She was unbelievable and he couldn't control his thoughts. He rubbed soap on his skin, starting with his arms, until they were covered with lather. He then moved to his chest.

"Why is it taking so long?" she asked, trying to sound impatient and he heard the tap being turned off.

"Maybe because you're distracting me" he replied, stopping his hands.

There was a long silence and he watched through the shower curtain as the shape of her body got closer. He stopped and waited, looking confused as she bent down and stood up again.

"Something wrong?" he asked, trying to get her to give herself away. She didn't say anything but he'd seen the faint shake of her head.

"I know you there" he warned, but she remained quite.

He finally shrugged and turned on the tap again, turning his attention to his own body. She took the opportunity to act on her plan and climbed up to the bench she'd just brought to the bathroom. When he looked up again, he was met by those sparkling green eyes.

"I knew you were up for something" he said, noticing how her smile widened. He loved what those smiles did to her face.

"I was just bored..." she explained.

"And I thought it was because you enjoyed seeing me naked" he said and her eyes watched in delight as his hands moved smoothly over his body, now rubbing the back of her neck, the water keeping his skin wet. It was too good to be true.

"Oh, believe me...I love seeing you naked" she said, emphasizing 'love'.

He raised an eyebrow at her, choosing to ignore his body's response to her statement. And for an instant, he was left speechless. He'd always had this feeling that she was trouble. He swallowed with difficulty, feeling the familiar physical reactions.

"It's an old fantasy" she said, staring at him with desire "I've always wondered how you'd used your hands, let them wander down your own body while you're in the shower"

He was breathing just a little heavier now, his heart beating faster and his blood boiled inside him, travelling south. His skin had got much sensitive to the water and he yearned for her touch. If she was just teasing, she was a very good actress.

"I heard you once" she admitted almost shyly "at work and have been wondering if it'd look as good as it sounds ever since" with that she left him alone, as if nothing had happened.

He looked down, staring at the growing problem in his soapy hands and turned off the tap. He wrapped a towel around himself and walked back to the bedroom. The first thing he saw when he entered the room was her back, dressed in his favourite nightgown. She was still trying to decide what to wear when she heard footsteps.

"You're done?" she asked, without turning around.

He slowly pushed her head to the side and she felt his warm fingers grazing her skin. He left a trail of open mouth kisses across her neck and she cocked her head to the side.

"You're serious about that?" he whispered against her skin, his tongue licking up the side of her neck to her ear and tracing it back with his wet lips.

She closed her eyes, enjoying too much the situation. He pressed her body against his with both arms around her waist and kept working on her neck as one of his hands ran down her stomach. Her head fell back and he pulled her closer.

"Very serious" she breathed "You mean I can watch?" she managed to say, grabbing his hips.

"You can do whatever you want" he said, throwing the towel away and pressing hard against her so she could feel him through the thin fabric of the nightgown. Her lips parted and she leaned onto him.

"We could go back to the shower" she suggested, letting her hands wander down between them.

"Hmm" he replied while pulling her nightgown a little higher to tease her. She felt herself falling back onto him as she attempted to decrease what little space still existed between their bodies.

"Does it mean you don't mind to share those little secrets?"

"I'd do anything for you" he said, his voice low and husky. He wasn't a talkative man but he knew what to say.

He turned her around and picked her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist, crashing her mouth into him, kissing him deeply, while his hands ran up and down her thighs, pulling the nightgown even higher. Her hands teased his nipples and he bit her bottom lip. He carried her to bed, not able to wait anymore. Her fantasy was interesting but they had plenty of time ahead.

Her nightgown was tossed away as he covered her body with his. He touched her firm breasts, feeling her nipples hardened and she arched into his touch. Her breath quickened as his hands slid down to her rib cage and a moan escaped her lips as he licked his way down to her flat stomach, his tongue playing with her belly button as his hand slid lower and his finger found its way inside her. She gasped with pleasure, not bothering at all that they were in bedroom instead; it certainly had its advantages.

"Jethro" she pleaded, closing her hand around him, watching as his hips buckled. He spread her legs, lowering his head to kiss her deeply and while his mouth explored her mouth, he entered her, sliding slowly, feeling her tight around him. He looked at her, how her eyes closed and then opened again, her flushed skin. They began to move, and she urged him deeper and deeper. Her imagination had been enough foreplay for the day.She locked her ankles around his waist, wanting him deeper, wanting to feel his skin against her. She felt his hands everywhere, touching and teasing and as he began to thrust harder, she moved her hips against his, digging her nails into his skin. He knew she was close and so was him. He bit her neck and covered her mouth with his, feeling more than hearing her crying out into his mouth. She was melting in his arms, pulling him closer and the look of pleasure in her eyes threw him over the edge, and he collapsed on top of her.

She kissed him, slowly and loving this time, running her hands up and down his back. He pulled back slightly to look at her, as both caught their breaths. She had the widest smile on her face and he laughed, kissing her again. She wouldn't let go of him, so he stayed on top. He ran his thumb over her swollen lips and she took it inside her mouth playfully. His finger 

was soon replaced by his tongue as he parted her lips and they kissed passionately. When they finally pulled apart, he held her gaze and green met blue. Her skin was still flushed, their bodies sweaty. And she was perfect. He pressed his forehead against her and she smiled.

That was the first time he realized how much he loved her.

He opened his eyes and looked around. It had always been one of his favourite memories of their time together. It was the number one on his list of regrets as well .He didn't say how he felt that day nor did he ever say it to her.

* * *

She sat on her favourite room in the house, as much comfortable as she could be after being in the same position for hours. But she couldn't sleep, not without going through those files. Some of the pictures were really disturbing and the reports had such detailed descriptions that she had to concentrate if she wanted to finish in one night. There was blood, exposed flesh, lifeless bodies staring at the camera. Sometimes she wondered how a person could be capable of such atrocities and this time was no exception. In fact, it was even worse. She wondered if it was a good plan, if she wasn't attracting more danger than they needed; life was already too complicated as it was. It was a delicate situation; it could be the solution to all her worries, or the cause of the greatest headache ever. If she screwed up this time, there was no turning back. Perhaps that was why she had spent the last three days without any sleep and was avoiding certain friends.

She could see the pattern. Somewhere secluded, surrounded by natural obstacles, but not too far from other people, and there was always an organ missing from the victim's body and it was always the same – the heart. According to the reports, five cases matched the profile and they even had a suspect, but he had disappeared. There were signs of struggle in all of them and all the victims were women in their early twenties. All of them seemed so peaceful though, if she didn't count that there were mutilations and torture of course. It wasn't the murder itself but what the victims suffered before dying that got into her skin. She organised the photographs in rows following the date and leant forward, kneeling on the chair and resting her elbows on the table. She had to think and make it quick. She couldn't be the bait and wouldn't risk someone else's life, but something must be done. She could find an informant but that was very unlikely to happen.

There was a woman in front of an abandoned little housein the first photo. According to the report, she'd been raped several times before her murder. There were cuts and bruises on her face, her lips were swollen and her neck was turned away from her body. She'd been almost strangled to death and there were marks left around her neck – finger touch pad contusions and fingernail marks. There was a photo of her face; her long hair was the only thing apparently untouched. She couldn't look away and as minutes passed by, she was still looking at it. She could swear that if she kept looking, the woman's eyes would open and it did scare her. There was something very creepy about an assassin who rips hearts away. The heart was very symbolic, but nevertheless not the most preferred part of the body by murderers. She shook her head and moved to the next photograph.

The first photograph of the second victim wasn't any better than the others. It showed a woman hanging upside down from a tree by the ankles. Her pale skin had been cut and she had been bitten badly. Her hands were tied up behind her back, which only brought her attention to the marks on her chest, and her long hair fell like a curtain touching the ground. Like the first victim, she had blond hair, was young and looked so helpless. However, what scared her most were the victim's gaze and her face. The muscles of her face contorted in pain and fear, her eyes pleading mercy. She looked away, pulling her head back and closed her eyes. This was so much worse than she had expected and she wished with all her strength that her guess was wrong this time. Someone was out there, torturing, sexually abusing and killing women apparently chosen randomly. They had a suspect but he couldn't be found. And if she was indeed right, the same man was not responsible for their deaths.

She sighed heavily; she couldn't bear to look again. No, it was more than enough for one night. She gathered everything, put them inside their respective files and then put the files inside a box. She swallowed hard, already feeling awful, with the pictures imprinted on her mind. She wouldn't need to look at them one more time to see the victims and her head was spinning. She stood carefully, the headache blurring her vision. She closed the door and walked slowly towards her bedroom, almost as if expecting her legs to lose balance at any second. It was with great relief that she finally reached the bed and collapsed onto it, losing consciousness. She shivered and fidgeted in her sleep, her eyes rolled, her limbs moved involuntarily. She tried to wake up but she couldn't.

She could feel her heartbeat increase, sweat pouring down her forehead and hear the sound made by the blood in her veins. The room was dark and all she saw was black. Her head still ached, especially right above her eyes and she could barely concentrate on anything else, the feeling similar to two fingers applying pressure to the spot. Her lips parted in an attempt to get more oxygen, her chest moving up and down. She tried lifting her head but something was keeping her body still. She was so tired and just wanted to sleep. So far, she could control her eyes and just them – open, close and roll. She couldn't even think straight and when her body rolled and she was suddenly lying on her back, her brain emitted a warning sign. An arm went under her knees, another across her back and she felt her own body floating. She opened her eyes, the position of her head allowing her to see nothing but the floor. Was it really possible that someone was carrying her?

It had to be a man, she knew it. She'd felt his chest when he tightened his grip on her, pulling her closer to his body. Her guess was he'd done it to open a door because it was followed by a cracking sound. She could smell sweat, perfume, aftershave and it all mixed up was making her sick. She felt eyes on her, like there was someone observing her, maybe more than one person. Her heart jumped to her throat and she could barely swallow. It made her realise she was thirsty. Her temples throbbed and she felt cold. They walked through another door and her lungs welcomed the change. The air here wasn't as dense as before and the wind blew her hair away from her face. She blinked in an attempt to focus but seconds later, everything was as blurred as before. The wind hit her skin and she grimaced in pain. There were a few superficial cuts on her arms and legs and they burnt at the contact. She concluded they were somewhere outside the house and her stomach tightened just to think of it. She finally found the strength to move, still feeling dizzy, and turned her head to look up, groaning as her temples throbbed harder.

He sensed her movements and looked down smiling, holding her gaze with his bright blue eyes.

"Hello sleeping beauty"

Her eyes filled with tears as she suddenly remembered where she was and with whom she was. She looked at his face; he was a handsome man, with his dark curls and blue eyes, slightly muscular and she couldn't understand why he was doing this if he could charm any woman he wanted. It was a horrifying place, really disgusting, like no one lived there. She had no idea for how long she had been kept there, but he'd come everyday – maybe for one or two months now. She couldn't remember when but she had promised herself she wouldn't scream anymore, that she'd cry silently but it was so hard. He put her down and her legs trembled; she automatically reached for the closest object to keep from falling. Her fingers closed around his wrist and he turned around to face her, the sudden touch surprising him. She feared he'd break her hand right there. He seemed angry at first but the feeling was soon substituted for his usual self and he grinned, his eyes sparkling madly, that distant gaze. He took a step forward and she took one back.

"I-I'm sorry" she said, not able to say anymore, her body slightly shaking in anticipation.

He laughed, putting an arm around her waist and roughly pulling her to him. She collided with his chest, holding her breath. She tried to pull away, desperate to keep some distance, but he was stronger and wasn't going anywhere.

"You don't have to be so shy. Touch if you want" he said, looking at her up and down "I know you want me too"

His free hand trailed up and down her left side. She punched his chest with all the strength she had left but he grabbed both her wrists. He lowered his head and she turned her face to the side. She tried again and he tightened his hold to the point she almost fainted.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked, daring to look into his eyes "Why don't you just kill me?"

His smile faded away and he let go of her wrists. She looked around, searching for a corner to hide in. There were trees everywhere and it was dark, she could barely see anything. Her feet ached and her heart beat faster. Taking deep breaths, she ran as fast as she could, aware of the noise she made but ready to do anything to escape. He'd never left the handcuffs open before but she'd always hoped he'd do it. Now it had finally happened and it was probably her only chance. She knew he was chasing after her and she could hear him but she'd keep trying. Her head was still aching and it was even colder now. She wanted to turn around, see how much time she had left before he caught up with her. She kept running, changing directions whenever she had a chance to. Sighing heavily, she looked down at her own hands, noticing that they were bleeding, just like the rest of the cuts on the rest of her body. She tripped over a stone and her arms went to shield her body, ready for the fall, but she felt two strong arms lifting her up.

"Honey, your behaviour is not acceptable" he said calmly "I give you everything and you want to die? You want to leave me?" her hands were handcuffed behind her back and he shook his head "We're gonna have an amazing night and you'll love every second" he said, kissing her forehead.

He blindfolded her and they made their way back. She tried to memorize the route while the dizziness distracted her. She felt wet leaves where she stepped but couldn't remember if it had rained or not. He walked behind her, guiding with a hand pressed to the small of her back. He must know the place too well because if she had already tripped, the blindfold made it even more possible to happen a second time, and he'd follow her to the ground. As they got closer, she felt the smell of blood, dried blood and something else. She'd lost consciousness several times since her arrival, but she doubted that blood was hers, her body wasn't as hurt as her dignity. Her heart rate increased to an irregular, stronger heartbeat and so did the flow of blood as she considered that she might not be the only one, that there might be others. She hadn't heard anything though and doubted the area was so large to enable him to keep them that isolate. She heard him walking, relieved that he wasn't so close to her, and bit her bottom lip to suppress the tears. She couldn't run with her eyes closed and she was so tired of this. She hated him, hated what he did to her. She couldn't take this anymore, she was going crazy. Why wouldn't he kill her just for once?

"You're ready?" he said and took the blindfold off.

She kept her eyes shut for a moment. She couldn't believe he'd do it again. He did the same with the handcuffs and outstretched her arms between them. Her eyes opened slowly, afraid of what she may see, keeping her head turned to the ground, her long hair falling down her face. He lifted one of her arms and then the other, pulling them over her head and tied each of them to a chain. His hands went to her hips and she stepped back, determined to get him angry at her. He tightened his grip and she flinched, feeling the bruises that had been left 

there before. A single tear rolled down her cheek as his hands descended to her thighs, her muscles contracted and she tried to free her arms in vain. He pulled her legs apart, grabbed each of her ankles and gave the same treatment as her arms. She could barely move now and lifted her head, determined to stop the tears from falling.

"Don't do this" she pleaded, her voice thick with unshed tears "You want to hurt me, do it but make sure I'm dead when you finished"

He punched her in the face, her head going to the side and she felt the taste of blood inside her mouth. She closed her eyes as the pain travelled through her body. Her breath became erratic and her legs almost gave away.

"Why would I kill you?" he said with a hand under her chin "I'd never kill such a beautiful woman"

His hands trailed down her neck and her stomach flipped. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and kissed her collarbone. Her jaw was clenched tight and she swallowed hard. A wave of nausea swept over her, her heart contracted, her palms were sweat. The more he touched her, the dirtiest she felt. His hand cupped her breasts through the shirt, clutching so hard she screamed in pain, which caused him to smile widely.

"I love it when you scream in pleasure" he whispered, looking lustily at her as he unbuttoned her shirt.

There were bruises all over her chest made by his hands, knives and even cigarettes. He'd say he liked trying new toys or that he'd bought her a present. If she screamed too much or too little, he'd punish her with them. If she refused to do so at all, he'd be even more violent and eager to elicit a few responses from her. At first, she'd keep trying to be strong. She wanted to run away, she wanted to fight back. As the time went by, she could just wish it'd be over rather sooner than later. Her body ached, she was bleeding. She knew he'd left bruises and felt dirty, cold, physically, emotionally and psychologically exhausted. Now she was certain she'd never be the same; she'd always hate that man for as long as she lived.

"This is pain, not pleasure!" she snapped back angrily at him, feeling incredibly brave.

He laughed, his white teeth shining at her. She hated him and it was what kept her alive now. She wanted to die but she'd make sure she'd kill him first. He unbuttoned his own shirt and threw it to the ground. He turned around, staring at the table, taking his time to decide which of his toys he'd play with this time. A few seconds later, he turned around to face her, looking at the knife in his hands and then staring at her chest. He grinned and winked at her; she knew she was thinking the same thing that he was. He took a step towards her and put the knife between his teeth. He stood there, hands resting on his hips, watching her like a predator. He walked closer to her, till their chests were almost touching and she could feel the heat emanating from his body, his hot breath on her face. His hands went to his belt and he unbuckled it, reaching for the button on his pants, moaning as his hand brushed over him. His jeans slid down, exposing his boxers, and he kicked them off. Her muscles contracted even more and her heart seemed to want to jump out of her chest. He grabbed the knife and stepped closer. Her eyes widened in fear.

"Please don't" she pleaded in a whisper.

She felt the cold tip of the knife on her neck and swallowed hard. Her body trembled and she felt cold, but he was enjoying it. He cocked his head to the side, smiling at her. One of his hands grabbed her shoulder, while the other traced the knife across her chest and down her stomach, ending up on her belly button. The cold metal grazed her skin, sending shivers up and down her spine.

"Shall we begin?" he said with a smile, reaching behind her and unclasping her bra.

Her eyes snapped open and she was still clenching the sheets. She let out a heavy sigh, exhaling deeply. Her muscles finally began to relax, while the images replayed over and over in her head. She'd never thought this case would get under her skin so much but she was clearly wrong. Still trembling, she promised herself she'd find the bastard, she had to. She curled up, pulling the covers over her body and sighing, she shut her eyes intending to get back to sleep. Minutes later, she opened her eyes, finally coming up with a solution. But then, if she was right...she stretched her arm and grabbed the phone. She had no idea what she was doing until she'd just dialled the number. Biting her bottom lip, she cursed herself. She was about to go back to sleep when a voice came from the other end of the line.

"Gibbs"

It was like the world had suddenly stopped and the air had frozen. Her own breath sounded louder and she had forgotten how to speak.

"Hello?" his voice echoed through her ear and she tightened her grip on the phone. With trembling hands, she took a deep breath to calm down.

"Who's there?" he asked, not so patient anymore.

It almost made her smile and she had a mental image of his face. Eyebrows slightly furrowed, narrowing his eyes. How she wished she could touch that face again. The line went dead and she stared at the phone for several minutes, smiling to herself. She knew she hadn't much time left and she needed all her strength to not back down. However, of all the things Jennifer Shepard had left behind, she missed him the most. She missed everything; not just the laughs, smiles, his touch but his outbursts of anger and the way he'd break a computer. She finally decided that what was bothering her most was not being able to see him on a daily basis, to make sure he's fine.

* * *

The elevators door opened, the bullpen not yet fully occupied. Mondays were not his favourite day but this one was special. They took a step forward, getting out at the same time. As strange as it may sound, the atmosphere here was the best in the world. All the noise, agents going up and down, the memories, the trouble. They walked towards their desks, more than relieved that there were no agents sat there. It'd be too embarrassing and even more awkward than it already was. They knew there had been replacements but it didn't mean they'd be willingly to meet them and make new friends. Tony took a deep breath and opened his eyes, smiling at his partner.

"Home sweet home" he said grinning.

She sat on top of her desk, swinging her legs back and forth and returned the smile, shaking her head.

"Ziva, as we haven't seen each other for so long..." he said, moving towards her "do you think we should hug? To make it look real?" he almost whispered the last part. Tony winked and moved closer with his arms open.

She put a hand on his chest and he stopped "Don't make me shoot you Tony" he feigned shock, dropping his jaw, with eyes wide open.

His partner laughed and he smiled.

"Tony!" they heard the scream, causing them to flinch and shut their eyes tightly.

"Tony! Tony! Tony!" Abby came running, her pigtails shaking and bringing Bert with her. She stopped to locate her target and as soon as she found him, her eyes widened and she ran faster, throwing herself in his already open arms.

"Hi Abby" he said, as loud as he could without losing the rest of his oxygen. She hugged him even tighter and he tried to reciprocate but Abby was still Abby.

Tony thought she would never let go of him and he'd be strangled to death but as she kept breaking his bones, Abby saw Ziva and ran to her.

"Ziva!"

That was when he saw that McGee must have come along with Abby and was now right in front of him.

"Probie"

"Tony"

They held each other's gaze before smiling. McGee held out his hand, but Tony pushed it away, giving his friend a hug.

"I missed you guys so much" said Abby, clinging to Tony's neck.

"It's good to be back"

They parted, each going to their respective desks, while Abby sat in Gibbs chair.

"How's everything?" Ziva asked, looking from Abby to McGee and back again.

"He's..."McGee trailed off, trying to find a word, turning to Abby for help.

"Broken" said Abby, her eyes saddening" Pretty much"

They sat in silence, before Abby remembered something and almost jumped.

"You're not going back to Israel, are you Ziva?"

The Israeli looked at Tony, then at McGee and finally at Abby.

"I came back as Officer David"

TBC


	7. Water Shows the Hidden Heart

_I'm sorry it took so long,I've been busy.I had to travel and had the computer but no internet :( And now I have like a thousand stories to read! Special thanks to Verity and Aserene.You guys are awesome!!_

6. Water Shows the Hidden Heart

Gibbs made his way up the stairs slowly. In the last months, he'd been avoiding the Director's office like the plague, but today in need of a few explanations. Vance being so quiet was a relief at first but Gibbs wondered if there was something else to his good actions. Tony, Ziva and McGee were back, his team was therefore reunited but he couldn't help wondering what had changed Vance's decision all of a sudden. Gibbs had even tried his best to piss reporters and sister agencies off but Vance didn't even reprimanded him and if it wasn't for Cynthia, he'd think the man was dead. Abby was radiant again, Ducky was still worried about his health and he was relieved that those kids were together again. That was a tremendous weight off his shoulders. He could at least concentrate in his internal struggles now.

In less than two weeks, his life had drastically changed. He'd lost everything and considered running away and forget about his own existence. Now he had a daughter, a team and probably a wife somewhere out there. The funny thing was that he wanted to be alone and they were all there right in front of him. It was so surreal finding out that his life was a lie, that part of it wasn't real and he questioned himself if HE was indeed real. He wanted to stop the world and stare at a white wall until he caught his breath and things made sense again. He wished he had someone to turn to because for the first time in his life, he was feeling like talking about them, about how he felt about losing them, how he'd been feeling guilty since forever. He couldn't believe it was happening to him. He'd seen it before more than once but never imagined himself being there. He'd lost his daughter's life and wished he didn't.

He really doubted that the turmoil was just God finally rewarding him. He reached his destination and was immediately met by Cynthia's sympathetic smile. He could tell she preferred working for Jenny. He didn't think she was so annoying anymore but suspected that it had something to do with the fact that he now didn't interfere in her job. She was on the phone, so he waited almost patiently. Jenny would think it suspicious but he had the best intentions. He stared at the door; it didn't have her name anymore but he remembered how he used to walk through it unannounced and how she'd react to it. He felt like he'd betrayed her, destroyed everything related to her; it still hurt to think what he'd done to her house. She loved that house.

"What can I do for you, Agent Gibbs?" Cynthia asked politely, interrupting his thoughts.

"Is the Director in?" he asked nodding to the door.

"I'm afraid not. In fact, he's not coming today"

Gibbs nodded in understand, thanked her and left a confused Cynthia behind.

Cynthia shook her head after the surprise._ He'd thanked her._ There was no doubt he'd improved his rebel behaviour. He wasn't his old irritating self anymore and it made her life so much easier but it was sad at the same time. Irritating was better than zombie mode. The phone rang once more and she picked it up. The first minutes were the most unbelievable as she thought as she was dreaming. Ghosts walk through walls, make weird noises but they do not make phone calls. This one did. She didn't know how long she just listened or spoken one word at a time before being able to formulate coherent sentences. The instructions she was given were too familiar, leaving no space for doubts and she suppressed the urge to jump most likely Abby would. She just couldn't help it, Vance was a bastard.

"It'll be done, Ma'am. So Director Vance..." Cynthia's voice trailed off, not really caring about hiding her excitement anymore.

The other woman laughed and Cynthia smiled herself at the sound "No more Director Vance I assure you, Cynthia"

Cynthia had so many questions; her curiosity was almost exploding inside her. She wanted to know what had happened, what was still going on, but she knew better than to ask. And she preferred to ask face to face anyway. There was a pause and she could almost see a pensive Jennifer Shepard before her eyes.

"How's..." there was another pause and Cynthia knew that Jenny was trying to find the words without really saying them "how's everything? Vance didn't destroy too much, did he?"

"We're at peace" Cynthia replied "Everyone is fine, as much as possible under the circumstances. Special Agent Gibbs' team is back and everybody is curious as to why Director Vance would do that all of a sudden"

"He didn't" there was yet another silence and Cynthia heard a heavy sigh.

"He's not anywhere near fine though" the younger woman revealed, almost whispering "I know it's none of my business but...why doesn't he know?" she asked shyly.

"I don't know how to tell him" Jenny told her, finally admitting it out loud, to her and her loyal assistant.

* * *

Many miles away, a man opened his eyes lazily after an amazing night and a fantastic dream. He rolled to his back, pushing the covers aside and rubbed his sleepy eyes. He didn't want to wake up yet as the day promised to be awful. He ran a hand across his naked chest and closed his eyes, telling himself it wouldn't take more than five minutes to get up and was soon half asleep. His bed was just so comforting right now and he'd be wifeless for the day, therefore, he need to feel loved and his bed loved him. He had just started to dream, approaching his own beach, when he felt a breeze touching his face and stubbornly, shut his eyes even tighter. He was about to reach the water, almost already feeling it against his skin, when he felt it again. It was starting to get on his nerves. Then, he felt the lightest of touches on his lips and turned his head towards it, attentive enough to hear someone giggling close to his face. He tried his best to stay quiet, hiding the knowing smile threatening to appear on his face, while feeling the mattress sink slightly on both sides of his head.

Being able to see the bright side of it, his arms circles her waist and she was soon laying on top of him. She stretched out against his body, her red hair framing her face, falling down his chest and lowered her head to kiss his mouth. His body was warm and she didn't want to leave his arms anytime soon. He reciprocated the kiss, showing his hunger for her, his hands slipping down her shirt, caressing her soft skin and she responded by pushing slightly away. He groaned at the loss of contact and she smiled wickedly before kissing his exposed muscular chest, her hands falling down to his stomach. She turned her attention back to his mouth and was soon eliciting sounds the both of them knew too well.

"I knew you were awake" she whispered against his lips. He tightened his grip on her, deepening the kiss, letting the sensations blur her thoughts. One of his hands tangled in her hair, holding her head firmly in place, granting better access. He flipped them over so he was on top. He trailed kisses down her body, not failing to notice the way she arched on the bed to meet his lips. She wrapped her legs around his waist, taking both of his hands in hers to pause his ministrations. God, she'd be so late. He looked at her and her hands left his, grazed the side of his neck and caressed his face. His golden hair shone with the sun coming through the window and she admired his features, the tanned skin, the perfect body, the way his blue eyes sparkled his desire. Many women dreamt of a prince. She, on the other hand, had been lucky enough to find her own Greek god. And he loved her.

"You look so sexy when you've just waken up, with messy golden curls and this glint in your eyes" she told him, tracing his large eyebrows, eyelids, nose and red lips. He nuzzled her neck in response, expressing his own satisfaction. She let her head sink into the pillows, her hands gripping his biceps as he nibbled on her neck "You do remember I'm leaving in less than one hour, don't you?"

"Hmm?" his hands moved across her ribs, leaving goose bumps on her skin. He smelled so good.

"Don't do that" she told him, her body denying her statement in every sense, her hands moving to his bare chest, enjoying the feeling of his underneath her fingers.

He pulled away and she soon hid the disappointment evident on her face. He leaned back to kiss her lips, pulling back again. His hand slid down her sides and she felt tingles, her face blushing as he made his way downwards. His path led him to the waistband of her pants and he applied pressure to her waist. She could feel her body giving in, yearning for his touch. He raised her shirt a little, exposing her belly button and massaged her lower abdomen with his big hands. His fingers found the button and slow unbuttoned her pants, moving to the zipper. As he dragged it down slowly, his finger brushed against her panties. She closed her eyes and he heard her gasp. Her pants were slid down her body slowly, as he took his time to caress every inch of skin exposed. He slid it down her hips and he squeezed them, watching her underwear appeared in front of his eyes and kissed her through the thin fabric, delighted at how transparent the white seemed to be. He then found the path to her thighs, his fingers lightly grazing her skin, moving to the inner side of them. She felt his breath against her, his hands drawing circles as he got closer to where she desired him to go.

Her body tensed in anticipation, her heart racing, taking deep breaths. His tongue moved back south and she sighed, but he continued take the pants off, finally freeing her legs. She waited patiently, mesmerised by the attention he was giving her. His hands massaged each of her feet, moved to her calves and she could feel the tension building up inside her, her body arching more and more off the bed as his hands and mouth moved up. He explored her thighs again, licking his way to their inside, while his fingers moved in circles, her lips slightly parting. He moved her legs apart, kneeling between them. He pushed her panties to the side, one of his fingers brushing against her and he felt her moving closer to it. Looking up, he saw she was biting her bottom lip, before she spread them further. He let a second finger nearer to tease her, moving it against her entry. She was really getting into and for what she knew of him, he was there too. His finger slipped inside her and a moan escaped her mouth, his tongue soon followed, both caressing her buddle of nerves. She arched off the bed, leaning back on her hands to watch him, fists closing around the sheets as he moved deeper and harder. He knew how to get her there and she was getting closer and closer to the edge, meeting his movements with her hips. She threw her head back, groaning in pleasure as her muscles tightened against him.

Her arms tugged him closer, trying to draw his body over hers as she laid back on the bed. His hands moved up, lifting her shirt with them, while she kissed anywhere she could reach, her hands running through his golden hair, slipping one of her legs between his, moving her knee against his boxers, feeling his arousal. His hands froze and he licked his way up to her chest more fiercely. He didn't know if he could hold his desire much longer.

"Don't tease" he whispered, not really sure if he wanted her to do it or not. He straddled her waist to prevent her from moving and she raised her hands in surrender, winking at him, trying to ignore his hard member pressed against her and the tingles it caused in her body. She found it extremely difficult, considering how close he was to her hands, the heat emanating from him and his hot breath on her skin. They kissed once more, deep and slow, taking the time to savour each other whilst his hands moved to her chest. She had no idea how he was being so patient, but he was and she couldn't imagine how hard it was for him, considering she had a pretty good idea of the effect on certain parts of him. At this point, she was getting frustrated. She wanted to touch him so badly. He pulled away yet once more, grabbing her by the wrist and pinned her arms above her head, smiling at her, seeing the desire in her eyes. Grazing her skin, he took off her shirt, exposing the matching white bra. His hands cupped her breasts and stroked gently, his mouth on her throat. Throwing her head back, she let her hands wander to his hips, pulling him harder against her, feeling him hardening and growing. Her hands run up and down his thigh, massaging him with long strokes and he was soon more concentrated in her hands than in any other part of her anatomy.

She let her hands trace the edge, brushing her fingers against him before reaching her hands inside his boxers, loving the deep sound coming from his throat. She grabbed him, and his hips responded hard against her, her hands moving slowly at first. Then, she moved up to his length, turned on by how hard he was. She stroked him up and down, alterning pressure and speed, bringing him to the edge and stopping.

"I want you" she demanded, her hand still around him, guiding him inside her and flipping them over. He grabbed her forcefully by the hips, pulling her against his body before lowering her onto his arousal. She threw her head back, groaning at the exquisite sensation of him pulsing inside her. They made it hard and fast, urgency reflected in the deep thrusts. Everytime their hips met, she felt closer. They switched position and her legs wrapped firmly around his waist, wanting to feel all of him. Sweat was glistening his golden skin and she bit his chest hard, knowing she was close and he was there too. She came first, her muscles tightening around him, her nails digging on his hips. He followed soon and she watched as his mouth dropped open and he thrust once more, and another, before collapsing on top of her.

He pulled away, lying beside her and pulling her closer to him. Her left hand caressed his cheek and she kissed him softly.

"We should wake up like that more often" she said, causing him to laugh.

"I don't mind..." he replied, kissing her again. They smiled at each other and she suddenly remembered she had to do something very important.

"You could come with me, Paul" she offered, wanting him to be there to support her.

"Don't you think it'd be weird, Shannon?" he asked "I mean, he was your husband and he thought you were dead"

"Our relationship was more friendship than romance. You and I have been together for ten years. I know you better than I knew him" she explained "It's you that I love, so don't worry about being punched" she teased him with a smile.

"Would you still meet him if it wasn't for Kelly?" he asked as she got up and went to the bathroom.

She pause, giving it some thought "No"

* * *

The elevator dinged and the doors slid open. Gibbs stepped out of the elevator and into Abby's lab.

"Hey Gibbs" said Abby, truly smiling for the first time in months.

"No music?" he asked

"Not yet..." she said, shaking her head and sinking into her chair "You're sad, I'm sad" she muttered under her breath " My babies don't have results yet"

"I know. I need you to trace a call for me" he explained.

She nodded and outstretched her hand and Gibbs gave her the phone. Abby cocked her head to the side, staring at the object in her hand, shifting her attention to Gibbs and back to the phone.

"But this is yours. Why would you want me to trace a call for you? You're not in danger, are you? Because I could kick the bastard, call my friends, they are pros and all, and -"her voice was muffled by his hand covering her mouth.

"Just do it, Abby" he said

Abby turned to her computer and Gibbs waited, standing beside her, arms crossed over his chest.

"Last call received?"

"Yeah"

While Abby typed and clicked, Gibbs looked at the other monitor, his mind going back to the occasion in which the picture had been taken.

"Gibbs" Abby said for the second time, trying to get his attention "Gibbs!"

His head moved slowly and he looked at her like she was crazy "I'm not deaf, Abby. Do you have anything?"

"I have an address" she explained, pointing at the screen. He followed her gaze and stared in disbelief at it.

"I don't have a name but..." she turned around and he was already gone. She sighed and hugged the computer "Daddy is not good..."

* * *

Gibbs drove faster than usual, not caring about traffic lights or other cars. He did think about calling Mike Franks, know to what extent his mentor was involved in this whole mess. He couldn't believe that Mike had been lying to him for all those years. Mike had told Gibbs about Shannon and Kelly's death himself, he'd seen how lost Gibbs seemed after that. Mike had even given him the name and the address of their murderer and he went after him, killing the man that had done the same to his family. He didn't know they were alive and the man was still dead. He'd trusted Mike, had confided in him and Mike was there after his second coma. How was he supposed to trust him after that? A single lie had changed his life forever and he couldn't decide if he should be thankful or furious.

If it hadn't happened, he'd maybe never have joined NCIS. He'd never get married three times more. He wouldn't have met his team, Abby and Ducky. Kate and Decker would be alive. Jenny...he'd have never met Jenny. "_Her last stand was protecting you" _were Mike's words. He knew deep inside him he couldn't change to what he was when he was married with Shannon. He couldn't simply ignore his present. Each one of them had changed him and was now part of him.

He stopped and got up, staring at the apparently abandoned house. He made his way to the nearest window and looked through the glass. He couldn't see anyone but there was no doubt that the phone call was made from inside that house and he knew the house belonged to Mike Franks. However, the same Mike was supposed to be in a desert beach in Mexico, drinking and smoking to death. And if he wasn't there, someone else had called him, someone that, for some reason, had his number. He went back to the front door and tried to open it but it was locked. Was it possible that he was the only that didn't keep the front door locked? He looked for plants, a mat or something similar, somewhere to hide the spare key. He found nothing, so he did what he'd usually do in situations like that – he broke into the house. The door opened easily and he found himself looking at the living room, very proud of himself. This way was quicker and more practical.

He stepped carefully in, taking his time to search the place. The house looked surprisingly clean, given Mike's long absence and it looked tidier than it had ever had when he'd been there when his mentor lived there. There wasn't much furniture left and he guessed that Mike had sold everything. There was only a table, without chairs, an old piano – he couldn't imagine Mike playing it – a coffee table and a phone. He had found it, wondering whose fingerprints he'd find there. Deciding to return to it later, he walked to the bedroom that had always belonged to Mike. The bed was made, pillows were fluffed and once more, he couldn't imagine the old man being so organised. Mike could have rented the house, Gibbs considered for the first time but still didn't explain how or why the person had ended up calling him. As he didn't see anything out of the ordinary, he moved to the adjoined bathroom. In one word, it could be describe as claustrophobic.

The first thing he saw was his face in the mirror and looking down, a washbasin and a cabinet, with the shower and bathtub right beside the cabinet. While examining the tub, he guessed someone had taken a bath not so long ago. He walked forward, interested by the amount of items near the basin. There were bottles and bottles, lotion, perfume. He grabbed one of them and brought it close to his nose. The smell was sweet; it was definitely for women. He could feel some of it in the air as well, maybe shampoo. Had Mike found a new friend? The mysterious woman certainly smelled nice. It was then he realised the tap was turned on and his hand reached out instinctively to turn it off. Even if the water running wasn't too much, it irritated just the same.

After solving the problem, now his attention was turned to the concreteitself, and seeing what was on the inside of the basin, he strongly doubted it had been left turned on by accident. There was unmistakably a purpose there and he could see it clearly now. It was small, orange, made of plastic, with a white lid He picked it up carefully, revelling to his eyes the white pills that had been drowning only minutes ago. The labelwas soaked and he searched for his glasses with his other hand, only to find he had left them at his desk. He cursed himself for not bringing it but soon was narrowing his eyes and trying to read it. He looked for the light switch and turned on the lights. Stepping back, he placed the bottlehigher, moving his head slightly back and narrowing his eyes. The words were difficult to read given their current state but he was able to distinguish some of the letters. The first letter wasS, there was an E beside a P and a D at what he assumed was the end of the person's surname.

He observed the space between the two consecutive letters, considering the vacant spaces and comparing both sizes, that way he could figure out how many letters were missing. In the end, he came out with one letter between the first two and other two missing letter between the P and the D. He walked back to the living room, to the coffee table, searching for a piece of paper. He then walked towards the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. After all, there were no other sits. He started to write down, arranging the letters. There was a total of seven letters, he counted, so he had three missing letters to guess. He stared at the paper for a minute, drawing circles randomly. Had he finally gone insane this time? It couldn't be what he thought it was. It didn't make sense, wasn't a real possibility. No, it was wrong, it had to be wrong. He couldn't believe it; his judgement was just clouded by his emotional stress. He felt the walls falling around him, the walls he'd so carefully built to protect his sanity.

If he was right this time, if it wasn't just another of his illusions. No, it couldn't be real. Nevertheless, hope rose inside him and he felt exhausted, like all his strength had been released at once. The pen slipped out of his hand and he stared numbly at it, rolling down the table. Just as it was about to fall, he reached for it. If it had happened to Kelly and Shannon, it wasn't so impossible to happen to Jenny. After all, she had the status; she was the Director, while they were just the average people. Still, he wanted to believe that she'd trusted him more than that. No, he refused to believe that she wouldn't trust him. Again. He filled the gaps and stared at her now recognisable name. His fingers closed against the bottle, squeezing it hard, wishing to break it. Then the sample had been indeed hers. His head fell and he felt defeated, his hands covering his face. He sighed heavily, propping his elbows onhis thighs. He felt cold and stayed there motionless for at least thirty minutes without even noticing it.

* * *

"So, you're ready?" Paul asked his wife. She was in the bedroom, trying to find something "Shannon"

She turned towards him, holding out a small box "Photos" she said, shrugging.

He stepped closer and hugged her, kissing her temple "You say he's a nice guy, don't worry" he said and she nodded.

They pulled apart and made their way downstairs. They were met by two blue eyes and chocolate, chocolate all over the girl's little face. She smiled, her teeth now brow, hiding the rest of the bar behind her. They looked at each other and then to her, both trying desperately not to laugh.

"You're in trouble, young lady" Shannon said, while they moved closer to her. She run to the left and met Paul, then to the right and met Shannon and was about to run forward when two arms lifted her off the ground.

"You're never eating chocolate again, Sam"

Sam's mouth dropped open, her eyes widened and she looked like she was going to cry.

"She's just joking, honey" Paul said, playing with her blonde hair.

"No, I'm not" said Shannon.

* * *

When Jenny arrived at Mike's house, she noticed someone had broken into the house and quickly reached for her gun. She entered slowly, thankful for the first time that the place was just a tiny cage but at the same time worried about having her secret revealed. She searched the first bedroom and saw nothing, then moved to the second, the one where she spent the nights. The door was open and she saw him, sat on the bed, facing the white wall, with his back turned towards her. He wasn't moving; it looked like he was sleeping. She let go of her gun, fearing that her hands were trembling too much. She was nervous, her heart beating to the point of exploding. She knew this moment would come, she had to face him but she didn't know if it was a good idea to be left alone with him just yet. Her mind wandered back to the call sooner that day. Deep inside her, she hoped he'd trace it and find out the truth but he expected him to be angry to the point of killing her himself. She wasn't expecting him to be there until late in the afternoon.

She blamed herself for being so selfish. He didn't deserve this but to be honest, she wasn't sure if he would even be affected by her death. She thought that bringing Kelly back would be enough and that he'd be happy but then, why was he there? Was he waiting for her? Her original plan was reunite the whole family but Shannon was married now and in love with her husband. Jenny had talked to her, she was very friendly and Paul was a great guy. She'd met little Samantha. The girl was so cute, looked like an angel. Kelly had been the most difficult to find and to convince. She didn't trust her, not after talking to Shannon. Before knowing it, she was moving towards him, wanting to comfort him or maybe seeking comforting to herself. She stopped right in front of him, expecting him to look at her but he kept staring at the wall. Now she was not only nervous but worried. Jenny knelt in front of him and called his name but he didn't move.

"Jethro" she whispered

She got closer to him, her chest touching his knees and she put her hand on his thigh.

"Jethro" he didn't respond and her eyes began to burn with tears as she blamed herself. She'd made a big mess.

"Jethro" she said louder "Please, look at me" she pleaded, her hands cupped his face and his eyes blinked, as if he was waking up. He looked at her, thinking she looked familiar, yet different. His hand moved towards her face and he touched her cheek with the tip of his fingers hesitantly.

"You're real this time?" he asked not believing his eyes and Jenny heart was almost torned apart.

"Yes" she whispered, wiping a single tear that had escaped his eyes.

"I can't see blood this time" he reasoned to himself, looking her up and down and she wiped another tear "It's not another dream, is it? Will you be here when I wake up?"

"This isn't a dream, Jethro" she explained to him "can't you feel my hands, touch my face?" she asked, caressing his face.

"Why do you keep leaving me then?" he asked, staring at the wall again. He shook his head "No, you're not here" he said, shaking his head again.

* * *

Kelly paced up and down the basement. The memories were coming back to her but it was all so confusing that she didn't know how much was true and how much was imagination. She couldn't remember his face, maybe that was why she thought it wasn't real but last night…she'd had dreamt about it again, only this time she was able to his face. She had to find another place to stay, somewhere closer. After all, that was why she had returned to her father's house, not because she woke up one morning missing him. Well, she wanted to keep a safe distance from her mother too because the woman was certainly annoying. She wanted everyone to believe she was perfect, her and her perfect husband, with the perfect family. But Kelly knew it wasn't like that. Shannon Gibbs, known now as Alice Keppler, was repugnant. She had pity on that girl Samantha. Everybody that got to know her mother used to say that she should be very proud of being her daughter. She'd smile at that and nod, all the time thinking that her mother could go to hell for as much as she cared.

Kelly knew she was crazy, saying stupid things Kelly didn't want to hear. It was none of her business what she did or didn't do. She was an adult now; she didn't have to listen to someone who had never cared for her. Now that she didn't need a mother anymore, she was there. Where was she when she had lost her father? When she needed someone to be there for her? And her stupid husband, they were so sick together. She knew her mother was coming, to bother her again, to be a pain in the ass. She pointed the gun and shot, hitting the target again. She had to find him, the only person who had ever understood her, the only one that was truly devoted to her. She was so close now, had followed him, and studied him. He'd done everything he promised and she valued that .He was the only one who knew her secret too. He didn't mind the black doves. He had the one thing she valued the most and she knew how to get what she wanted from him. He would take the opportunity. No one would ever be able to stop her; not her mother, not her stupid lies, not her father. She trusted Jenny to be wise enough to stay out her life but she could make a thing or two just to make sure it'd happen.

At this point in her life, she wasn't afraid of getting hurt, of hurting others. She just did what was necessary; it didn't bother her at all. She looked down at the exposed skin of her legs, seeing the scars that had never left her alone and walked back to the bedroom to change. It was almost time. She took the shirt off, choosing another more appropriate. As she turned to the side, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. The pale skin of her bare chest decorated by the marks he had left, the same with her belly and back. He'd said that each of them would one day say to her that she was his, only his, that it was the experience of her life and that she would never forget it. She knew about the others now, had found out everything about their lives and deaths, and could tell every little detail about their last months. She knew all the cases by heart. No one could catch him, no one knew him and he'd been lucky for that. But she wasn't like the others. She knew him, understood him, better than anyone ever could. That was the case of her life. She knew how he liked to play with them, how his body responded to their scream, how he'd come everyday. And now she remembered him. His face, his body, his smell, his touch. She knew how he smiled, how he tasted like, how he felt like. She had finally remembered everything.

She remembered how helpless she had been while doctors and her mother tried to convince her that she needed therapy but she knew what they were trying to do. They wanted to know what had happened to her but she wouldn't tell them. She couldn't even remember at the time. She felt pain all over her body but had no idea why it hurt so much and everybody looked at her like she was about to die or something. She couldn't understand what they felt when they saw her bruised body because she couldn't feel anything herself, just the physical pain. They told her she had been raped. They could never understand it. They weren't there, how could they tell HER what they presumed someone had done to HER?

They didn't know that he hadn't left a single cell of her body intact. That was it. And there was the baby. She had put him inside the jar herself, he had a name too. He was another black dove. He talked to her, telling her the things she wasn't able to remember yet. Once, her mother saw him and screamed in fear. It was just a child. Shannon had told her to let him go, that what she was doing wasn't right and that she needed help. That was three ago, after they had a huge fight, with her mother telling her those stupid lies again. She had left the house that day. They didn't want her baby, didn't want her. She'd never seen her mother again.

Of all the things she wanted to remember, his name was the most important and the hardest to find out. He'd never told her, in spite of all the time they stayed together. He liked action, action she'd give him; she was now ready for that. She didn't approve what and how he'd been doing things recently but it wouldn't take much longer. She'd found out where he lived and they'd meet again. She could almost laugh. Maybe he'd been indeed right; it was destiny pulling them to each other. She just hoped he'd be as thrilled to see her this time because she had big plans for both of them. No one would catch him because he was hers, only hers. And she couldn't wait to put her hands on him. Until it happened, she'd keep hunting him.

TBC


	8. The Language of the Birds

_Thanks for the reviews, PMs and alerts.This chapter is mainly Jibbs, I just hope there is someone still reading the story. I don't bite, really!! Would you review?Say it's awful but say something! I'm losing my motivation... I don't wanna stop now._

8. The Language of the Birds

Jenny took off his shoes as Gibbs watched her, still not believing she was really there. He was tired, so tired. His body ached but he didn't know where. It didn't matter. He was cold; there were goose bumps all over his skin. Why was the room so cold? Why was it taking so long to wake up? He didn't want this anymore and shook his head to emphasize his point. She looked at him, regretting this whole mess. She didn't ask to be saved, went to that dinner with the intention of not coming back. It'd be quicker and almost harmless. It seemed to be the best alternative. She didn't want to be saved, everything had been planned. Her only worry was him, not because of her death's effect on him but for the guilty he still felt for something that had never happened. He deserved to know the truth. She had found out by accident, with the help of a dear friend; not even Mike Frank himself knew the truth. And she couldn't die without taking away his misery. She'd never forgotten the first time he saw her after the coma, how much he wanted his family with him.

She sat on the bed, folding her legs, resting her back against the headboard and gently pulled him against her. He didn't pull away or resist and she was thankful for that. He was soon lying down, his head resting on her calves, so numb his body fell limp. He kept staring ahead, eyes focused on the ceiling. She reached out and pulled his hair away from his face, feeling his skin burn as her hand brushed against his forehead. She began to talk to him, but doubted he could hear anything. He was far away; she could see it in his eyes. Her index traced the lines on his forehead, noticing how his skin was paler. Her fingers slowly massaged his scalp, like she had done many times before, her hands moving through his grey hair, feeling its smoothness and he allowed his eyes to close. She still liked it when his hair was longer but he'd always preferred it shorter. The last time she'd seen him like that was after his 'Margarita Safari'. It reminded her of his coma again and his words echoed in her head. She had understood it right there; there was only one thing he wanted and there was only one way to make him happy and she wasn't part of it. However, they were here again, both too tired to pull away.

"Jethro, look at me" she said, her hands leaving his hair and cupping his face. This behaviour was so unusual, she'd never seen him like that, didn't see it coming. She could only guess how he felt. She wanted to bring the old Jethro back; she was prepared to deal with that Jethro. This one was different, more vulnerable; this Jethro didn't run away from her. She doubted he could go back to be the Jethro she knew but he needed some of her Jethro's strength now.

"I think I'm going crazy" he murmured to himself, his body as still as before.

"I don't think you are, Jethro" she told him, tracing the lines on the sides of his eyes. She looked down, past his chest. He'd lost some weight, his stomach seemed smaller, his arms looked stronger; he was fitter. That was something new, she expected quite the opposite. She guessed he'd done something other than working on the boat and drinking. That meant he wasn't that bad.

"But Tobias said Kelly is not there" he said, opening his eyes, staring straight ahead. He moved his head to look at her for reassurance.

"And what do you say about it?" she asked, and he observed for the first time how her hair looked so red, how it fell like a curtain when she looked at him.

"She's there" he said, after a long pause "Are you really here?" he asked, his fingers slightly grazing her hands. It seemed so real... "You seem real to me... but you're different. It couldn't be just my imagination if your hair is different, right?"

"Right" she reassured him, nodding. He seemed to relax and held her gaze for what felt like hours. She saw all the confusion going on inside him, that he wanted to believe what he was feeling, what he was seeing. Gradually, he lifted his head and got up, dragging himself out of bed and she could see the exhaustion in the way he moved. Jenny observed him, knowing he wouldn't leave now. He walked slowly, each step at a time, towards the wall, like he couldn't see it. Jenny's heart jumped in her chest and she jumped out of bed to catch up with him. One step more and he'd hit the wall. She wasn't sure what he was up to, but it couldn't be good if there was a wall involved.

"Jethro" he heard her voice coming from right behind him and looked at the plain surface in front of him. Her voice sounded so distant. His palms touched the wall and he felt its coldness against his fingers, heard her voice calling him again. He propped his head on the back of his hands and sighed heavily. His hands were trembling, he felt cold and his heart ached in his chest, spreading the pain through the rest of his body. He was exhausted; it had to stop, all of it. He wanted to be alone, wanted to talk, tell everything. He couldn't keep it to himself anymore; it strangled him from the inside. His head started to move, back and forth, so slowly Jenny thought she was imagining it. He felt it against his skin, the pressure; it helped, the pain was going away. He moved his head further, hitting harder and harder, feeling more pain, letting it take all of them away. He hit his head again, even harder, and felt her smaller hands closing around his wrists. His forehead stung and he heard the noise it made as it connected to the wall. Jenny tried to pull him, afraid of what he was doing to himself.

"Jethro, stop it!" she tugged at his shirt to get his attention and he hit his head again. She put her arms around his convulsive body, and pulled with all the strength she had. They sank to the floor, her arms still tightly wrapped around him. His chest moved up and down against her hands, which were trying to soothe him by now. He let his hands fall to his sides and stopped fighting, all the cells in his body still throbbing. She repositioned herself so he could lay back with his back against her chest and her back rested against the bed to support both of them. His head fell back, landing on her shoulder, his eyes shut, his mouth slightly open and she felt his body start to calm down. He leaned on her, too tired of being strong, too tired of secrets and she held him, whispering soothing words. Gradually, he was able to feel the weight leaving his chest entirely and he could finally breathe again. He took deep breaths and his body slowly came to life as he listened to her voice. She was there; he could feel her body against him. It wasn't a dream, this was Jenny. His limbs had fallen limply and he felt how they were heavy when he slowly lifted his arm and let his hand rest on top of hers on his chest. Her skin was warm, smooth, like he remembered it to be. She was really there. She was there. Jenny turned her hand and held his. He entwined their fingers, borrowing some of her strength.

"They're alive, Jen. I didn't know that, I didn't" his voice sounded apologetic and he turned to sit down beside her, tears forming in his eyes, his tongue moistening his lips "I wouldn't have killed him but Mike said they were dead" he explained, feeling slightly nervous "It hurt so much, Jenny" his hand tightened around her and she saw the tears ready to fall, feeling her own eyes begin to burn. She had always tried to seem so strong, so unbreakable and he did the same, but he had been the one strong enough to break down while she had taken the other road. She'd always wanted him to trust her and open up but that wasn't what she had in mind and she prayed she'd never see him like this again.

"It hurts so much. Why didn't they tell me?"I just wanted them to be happy, Jen. I don't even know my daughter anymore" he spoke quick, not even breathing, afraid he'd back down if he did so. He tightened his grip even more and she started to feel her hand aching

"Someone hurt her. She won't talk about it but I can feel it! Why didn't Shannon protect her, Jen?" he asked, looking at her and she let her free hand cup his cheek. She couldn't tell him how right he was about his daughter "Why she took my daughter away from me?" tears were now rolling down his face and his emotions were so genuine that she couldn't help but cry with him "She was my best friend. Why would she take my little girl away from me?" she let go of his hand and wiped his tears with her thumbs, leaning forward and pressing their heads together. His skin was cold.

"I wish I could give you those answers, Jethro" she whispered, cupping his face in her hands and he felt her breath against his face "But I can't" she said, looking into his eyes.

"Sometimes you'll think that you know someone so well that you're able to tell what they are and are not capable of, but it may not be true and you have to accept that. They won't be less important to you for that. Remember that" She pulled away and lifted her head to place a kiss on his forehead, on the freshly cut skin.

"Promise me you'll never hurt yourself again" she said, her head pressed against his again, his piercing blue eyes closed and then opened up, staring at her bright emerald ones.

"I promise" he whispered, his hot breath tickling her lips.

Her eyes drifted to his lips and she felt her own lips parting slightly, her body very aware of his presence. She looked into his eyes again and thought she'd lean forward but pulled away, letting go of his face. Jenny got up and Gibbs looked at her confused.

"I'll just...get you some water" she explained, pointing towards the bathroom.

Gibbs watched her get into the bathroom and wiped away the remains of tears with his hands. He wanted the world to stop but it was spinning faster and faster. His life had been turned upside down and Jenny was alive. Jenny was alive! He should be angry, right? But he didn't have the strength to be angry now. He'd been so bad the whole he believed she was dead and now she was here. He could finally understand that she was here. He couldn't even feel ashamed of his behaviour. He'd never cried in front of her, had never talked about his family but it made him feel so much better. He could at last understand why Kelly's return made him miss Jenny even more; he needed her support in one of the most difficult situations he'd even been through. He wouldn't have confided in anyone else. Oh God, Jenny was alive. He got up, having recovered his consciousness; he wanted to know what had happened to her, everything. A small part of him was angry, feeling betrayed because she had lied to him again. But at the same time, all he wished was to make sure she was fine and keep his eyes on her. He wanted...

Gibbs then realised that she hadn't come back yet and walked to the bedroom. The door was open and as he stepped closer, he heard a sniffle. He stood in the doorway and was able to see her, standing in front of the mirror, grasping the sides of the washbasin, leaning on it for support with her head bent down. He stepped in, carefully not to startle her.

"Jen" his voice was barely above a whisper, yet her reaction was like it had been much louder.

She sniffled once more, ran a hand through her hair and turned around. She handed him a glass not looking at him and rushed to the bedroom. Gibbs stared at her as she disappeared through the door, too quick for him to say anything. He turned his gaze to the glass and then to the mirror. He wasn't thirsty and walked forward, pouring out the glass of water, thus realising a single reminiscent white pill before it was flushed down the basin. He'd forgotten what it meant and for a second, all the hope he'd been feeling was gone. It explained a few things. In fact, it explained everything; why she had been hiding, why she had been avoiding him after his confrontation. He tried hard to remember everything Ducky had told him about the symptoms. He knew it was progressive, that caused pain...He went after her, her actions crystal clear but he wouldn't accept it so easily; not after what he'd just done.

"Jen?" his eyes scanned the room for her and he found her packing a suitcase, bright red hair covering her face. She ignored him, thinking that if she did long enough, he'd leave her alone. _Of course he's not leaving now, not after what he saw._ She cursed herself. She had been so careful and now...she could sense the lecture coming but the last thing she needed now was an argument. She continued packing and he walked closer, putting a hand on her shoulder. Jenny shrugged him away. This wasn't happening. This couldn't happen. She sniffed again, determined to not cry. She hadn't done it yet and would certainly not do it in front of him. Gibbs grabbed her by the arm but she broke free as if his touch burnt her and turned around.

"Jenny, what you're doing?" he asked, trying to get closer to her while she wanted him anywhere but near her.

"I'm leaving this house tomorrow" she said, her voice a little shaken "Mike wouldn't want my detail snooping around"

For a moment, he stood there just staring at her; he knew it made her nervous. Two things usually happened when she was nervous: she could be quiet and walk away or start talking uncontrollably; he liked the latter better.

"You should talk to your daughter and Shannon" she said, looking up at him, trying to ignore her increasing heartbeat "You can't just pretend that they're not there. People come in and out of your life and they make you who you are. You can't separate these people out of you" as the words left her mouth, she wasn't sure if she was saying that to him or to herself. She bent her head, and her orbits moved from right to left, a tiny smile on her lips; she always done that when she was embarrassed.

He put his hand on her shoulder again, testing the waters "And you want me to forget all the rest?" he asked in disbelief, moving closer "We could talk--"

"No" she interrupted him "There's nothing to talk about" she whispered. Shrugging him off, she moved around the room. She went pass him and he grabbed her wrist.

"You want me to forget you? Is that what you want, Jenny?" asked Gibbs and she turned around to face him, surprised by the hurt in his voice.

She sighed heavily, asking herself why it couldn't be simple, just this once. No, it wasn't what she wanted but...it' be so much easier if he did that. She looked into his eyes, relying on hers to say everything she couldn't. She'd expected him to be so caught up in the truth about his family that he'd gradually lose interest in her. But this was the man she knew – the one that was too stubborn to give up. That was the reason why he suffered so much; the same reason why she suffered too.

"Or you just wanna give up? Why did you stop taking the pills?" he snapped, as if reading her thoughts.

She ran a hand over her eyes and forced herself to meet his gaze "I never give up. It's my life, Jethro" she said, stepping closer, in a tone that pleaded him to stop "It doesn't make any difference. I shouldn't be alive! I should have died in that dinner!" her eyes filled with tears, but she wouldn't cry in front of him. She observed as he took a step forward and felt the urge to step back. Her words reminded him of all the mixed emotions he'd felt when he believed she was indeed dead and he looked at the floor to focus. He was getting angry, at her selfishness, at how insensitive she could be.

"Of course you're giving up!" he shouted, holding her in place by the shoulders "And I can't believe you're doing it, Jenny!" he said, looking into her eyes "Do you have the slightest idea of how it feels? How it felt to know that you didn't trust me enough to tell me what was going on with you?" his hands tightened around her shoulders "and you ask me to forget!" he shouted, shaking her slightly.

"You're right about that. I can't get rid of them" he admitted "But you came in and out of my life too, and did it too many times. I carry YOU with me as much I carry them, Jenny!"

"No, Jethro!" she said, shaking her head "It's not the same" she pushed him sharply away and faced the wall to collect her thoughts "I know I'm going to die" she said, loud enough for him to barely hear it "I don't want to be in bed and I sure as hell don't want you to be suffering by my side" she took deep breaths, her temples throbbed and she could barely believe it was finally out.

He didn't know if it had been the realisation that it was really there or hearing it said by her herself that made him cry but something did and the sound of him crying made her turn around. She looked down again, that was exactly what she didn't want to see. He didn't worry about hiding the tears; he wanted her to see it, wanted her to know what it did to him.

"Do you remember what you said when you woke up from your second coma?" she asked him, trying her best to ignore his wet face and the sadness in his eyes. The latter only aggravated when she mentioned the coma "You looked into my eyes" she said, stepping closer "and you beg to see Shannon and Kelly" she grabbed his arm and closed her hand tight around it "You grabbed my arm and you asked for them! Do you remember that?" she asked, releasing his arm "Because I'll never forget that sadness in your eyes" she added in a whisper.

Gibbs closed his eyes and swallowed hard as the memories came back to him. He still couldn't associate these two strangers with his first wife and daughter. He couldn't feel what he thought he would for them. Kelly was so strange and Shannon... Shannon had sent him an e-mail! Like they had seen each other the day before. He didn't even know this people. Jenny was right; he'd felt awful all over again. He'd relived the most traumatic event of his life. He'd forgotten his friends, his team, and her. But it was the amnesia playing with his brain, not his fault. He opened his eyes again and found himself staring at her. How he'd missed those eyes. His lifted his arm, his hand reaching out for her face.

"Don't" she whispered and looked down, her head dropping to her chest and she let out a breath she had been holding for long enough. He observed her features, knowing her to well to tell she was fighting an internal struggle. His hands ached to touch her, make sure she was fine. He wanted to show her that she was wrong; there were other possibilities and he could make his own choices. He hated when she was so stubborn.

"Oh God dammit, Jenny! Do you know how I found out about your death?" he snapped, getting into Gibbs mode "I was calling you but DiNozzo was the one who answered the phone!" he yelled. Jenny walked away from him, seeking shelter.

It didn't stop him, only got him even angrier and he chased her around the room "And who the hell did that body belong to?!" he grabbed her by the arm and spun her around to face him "I couldn't bring myself to open it! I thought it was you!" he shouted, fury taking over him. She tried to pull away and his hand closed tighter around her arm.

"I thought I'd never see you again! Do you have any idea how it felt when I burnt down your house?" he asked in a much lower tone, letting go of her. She didn't move though; she felt horrible.

"It was like...you had never existed. I destroyed everything" he whispered, his eye full with unshed tears. He took s a step forward hesitantly, expecting her to take one back and she did. He looked deep into her eyes and took her hand in his. He rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb and she slowly closed her eyes "I thought I'd lost you" he whispered.

He took another step forward so there was no space between them and put his arms around her waist, leaving her standing on tip toes. She seemed to have frozen but he could feel her heart beating strong against his body. Her arms enveloped him rather shyly. The feeling of her body against his was so comforting, her smell so good, her body so warm. He realised he didn't want to let go of her; not now, nor ever. Those thoughts had him pulling her even closer, lifting her slightly off the ground. Jenny tightened her arms around him to keep balance, surprised at his action, the side of her face resting against his; she could almost forget everything. She absent-mindedly caressed the back of his neck and one of his hands left her waist and cupped the back of her head. He'd have described what he felt that moment, but he didn't even know where to start. They were absorbed by the moment, finally allowing themselves to rely on each other.

"I missed you so much" he whispered, hugging her tightly "Missed you so much" he repeated, shutting his eyes; the rest of the weight leaving his chest after the words came out of his mouth.

Jenny had the impression that her bones would explode at any moment but it was the best feeling she could ask for. A silent tear ran down her face and even if she felt the same way, she couldn't tell him that. Whenever she considered it, she remembered what the future had planned for her. She didn't want to live enough to be there. As an agent, she had always been prepared to die if something went wrong but a slow, painful death...she couldn't ever be prepared for that.

"You're giving up, Jen?" he asked incredulously. Against her better judgement, she let her head fall to his shoulder and sniffed. She tried to pull away from him and he reluctantly let her slide down to the floor.

"I'm tired Jethro" she breathed "I'd like to get some sleep"

Gibbs studied her, looking at her intently but didn't move. In fact, he crossed his arms; she'd have to do better than that.

"Your speech was very touching" he said, grabbing her by the arm and leading her to the bed. He motioned for her to sit down and she did it with a deep sigh "You're right. All those people form who you are and you carry them with you, even the ones you don't want to be formed by anymore" he crouched down in front of her. Now that he had recovered his ability to think, he wouldn't let her make a choice based on fear. He looked straight into her eyes and she held his gaze, even if she thought he could see everything in her eyes. For minutes, nothing was said and they just stared at each other.

"The thing is... we both need time to readjust" he said and then stood up.

"You should take a few days off" she offered but in a much tender tone. He knew she cared and she had just proved him right.

To her surprise, he nodded "We're not done here. I'm not forgetting what happened today, Jen" he kissed her cheek and walked towards the door, leaving a stunned Jenny behind.

He turned around to look at her one last time, lingering in the doorway "I'm not ready to give up on you" he whispered before he left.

* * *

They sat on the couch next to each other, staring ahead as the closing credits crawled from the bottom to the top of the screen. Paul was the first to move his gaze away from the screen, looking down at the little girl sat between them. She chewed her thumb and looked back at him inquisitively; blue met blue, Paul winked at her and her face lit up with a smile. They organised the whole movie session to get her to sleep and there she was wide awake, smiling at his naivety; he couldn't help but chuckle. Shannon seemed to be anywhere but with them and stared at the screen, concentrated on the conversation she had been planning for years, considering everything that could go wrong. Shaking her head slightly, she lowered her head and looked down. Samantha was curled up on Paul's lap, her hair covering part of her face. She ran her hand through the girl's curls, running a finger down her chubby cheek. She reminded Shannon so much of Kelly; maybe that was exactly the problem. It was like being given a second chance; one she didn't know what to do with.

"I know you're not asleep" she said with a knowing smile and Samantha shut her eyes tighter. Shannon liked when Sam didn't seem to hate her and she didn't even know why the girl acted like that. She tried to ignore it as much as possible but it wasn't easy; there were more ups and downs in their relationship than she cared to count.

While Shannon analysed her relationship with the girl, Paul limited himself to observe them quietly. Whenever she wasn't working – which was still a lot – she tried to be with Samantha; or at least when they were feeling friendly. Little by little, the girl was warming to her. She'd always been very secretive around them. The first time he'd heard her speaking was still fresh in his mind. He'd lost his hope, thought she might have some sort of deficit, even took her to different doctors. The answers he got were always the same – Samantha was as normal as I child could be. So he couldn't understand why she hadn't said a single word at the age of four. However, once he'd heard a whisper when they were alone at home, went to her bedroom and found her reading a story to her doll. She still refused to talk in front of them though and he had no idea why. At first, they had wondered if it had something to do with Kelly. Sam had been two years old when she left but she'd heard things not suitable for children. She didn't play with other kids and observed the adults with such intensity that he'd never seen in a child before. She was too mature for her own good. Samantha snuggled closer to Paul and turned to the other side.

"We're going somewhere tomorrow" Shannon announced and it had Sam finally opening her eyes. Paul stared at her, not sure if it was a good idea.

"I thought she'd stay with me" he whispered to his wife, remembering a conversation they had had earlier.

"And I thought you could come with me" she replied, making it very clear that she wanted him there, not satisfied with his decision.

He moved his gaze to the girl in his lap and tickled her stomach, watching as she started to giggle and squirm. Her cheeks turned red and her blue eyes sparkled. She pushed his hands away and sat down, pushing her hair off her face. She stared at him, narrowing her eyes. He knew that look usually meant trouble. He ran a hand through her hair, arching an eyebrow; his hand worked fast, moving the golden curls back to her face, making it fall over her eyes.

"Daddy!" she whined.

Paul froze, his mouth dropped, his eyes wide in disbelief. He looked at her in awe and she held his gaze, fully aware she'd just done something very important. He couldn't stop the smile forming on his face and turned his gaze to look at his wife. Shannon looked at Samantha in shock and sensing his eyes on her, shifted her gaze to him. Their eyes met and she looked away, standing up and left the two alone, confused at why she was leaving. Her husband watched her retreating figure and thought about going after her but suddenly remembered that Sam was still there with him. She looked at him intently, her big blue eyes filling with tears; she had been waiting for his approval. He kissed her forehead and smiled, giving her his widest smile. She leaned forward, wrapping her little arms around his neck. He felt his own tears and blinked to keep them at bay.

"I love you, Sam" he whispered, hugging her tight. He stood up with her in his arms and made his way up the stairs. It was still bedtime.

"Don't wanna sleep" she said, trying to get him to stop. He smiled again; his girl was finally talking to him and he could bet she'd be very talkative from that moment on_._

"You never want to sleep" he told her. They passed the couple's bedroom on the way to Samantha's room and Paul didn't fail to notice that the door had been closed. They kept walking silently and reaching the end of the hall turned left.

"You change your clothes and I'll be right back" he told her, leaving no room for arguments and put her on the bed. She sat on the bed and watched him as he left, then grabbed her stuffed dove and held it close to her.

"She is angry" she whispered to the dove "but Sam is good" she said, nodding "Daddy likes Sam"

* * *

Paul knocked on the door; he really doubted she'd want to talk now but he couldn't pretend it had never happened. She couldn't blame Sam for something that Kelly had done. She should have been more understanding, at least in the front of the child. He let himself in, opening the door cautiously.

"Shannon?"

She laid in bed, with her back turned to him. If she was intending on fooling him, it wasn't working. He walked over to her, knowing too well she was upset. He wanted to be the sympathetic husband but it was about Samantha. Sighing, she stood up and turned towards him. She wasn't even trying to hide her feeling. They stared at each other from the distance, fighting a silent battle.

"I don't wanna hear it" she said, moving pass him.

"She saw your reaction, Shannon!" he said, surprised at her indifference. She turned around and looked into his eyes "I don't care, Paul"

"You should" he said, trying to keep his voice low "she's just a child!"

Shannon let out a bitter laugh and walked to the bathroom "She'll never be just another child, you know that" the door was shut behind her and Paul stared at his wife in disbelief. He'd never seen it coming.

Sometimes he asked himself if the woman he'd fallen in love with still existed underneath the tough exterior his wife had acquired over the years. Samantha was almost five now and she was very smart. She knew that there was something wrong. At first, Shannon had been very wary of getting closer to Samantha but that was years ago. Lately, especially after Kelly's departure, she'd been trying to get closer to the girl. She'd been a mother before; it was supposed to be easier for her than for him. He couldn't believe what she'd just done; it was unacceptable. He'd caught Samantha talking to herself for years and she had finally decided she was ready to do it in front of them; she needed their support. He did understand that she was going through a lot but it wasn't the first time. Whenever she acted like that, Sam knew it and she'd shut herself off even more. The woman he met twelve years before would have cared, would have tried harder to make it work.

Paul went back to Samantha's room and found her already tucked in and waiting for him, staring at the ceiling with one eye and then the other. She could be very obedient at times but no mattered how many times he asked her nicely to go to sleep, she never did it.

"You didn't have to wait for me" he said, sitting beside her. She looked down at her toy as if she was going to cry.

"What's wrong?" he asked, kissing her temple.

"Sam is sorry" she whispered, not looking at him.

"Sam has no reason to be sorry" he told her, titling her head to look at him "I'm proud of you, Sam"

"I know she is angry" she explained to him.

* * *

He looked from left to right, making sure there was no one else there. He stopped to light a cigarette, holding it in his mouth and bringing the lighter near the tip, taking the opportunity to watch her. Jessica was a beautiful woman; he couldn't just ignore her. She wasn't his Madison but anyone could take them for sisters. The hair colour was right, the height, the body. He had to find a way to meet her; it always worked better like that. He wanted a real challenge for once; those women were just too easy. It spoiled the fun. He watched as she crossed the street and smiled when he saw her entering a bar. This one would be even easier. He increased his pace to catch up with her. Everything else was ready and there was only one thing missing. There was always the possibility that she'd be meeting someone at the bar but she seemed to be the very independent type. It was one of his favourites.

He waited patiently for the traffic lights to turn red, watching as the drivers run past him. He didn't get too near the place with his car; it could be dangerous. The last thing he wanted was to be recognised. Sighing heavily, he turned his head to the side, watching people chatting in front of a cafe. He saw a couple exchanging smiles and kisses; they looked so pathetic to him. One more of those failed relationships. He drifted his gaze away from them and looked at the next table. A woman sat there alone, drinking her coffee. He liked her, liked her better than Jessica and she had the looks too. The lights turned red and he looked to the bar and then to the cafe. He chose the latter. No one was paying attention to her and he could be straight to the point, as much as possible. He just hoped she was single; he didn't want another husband hitting him on the face. He approached slowly, yearning himself a smile from a brunette passer-by. The couple stood up and left and a waiter approached him but he dismissed him immediately, pointing to the girl sat on the table.

He looked at the place, as if choosing a table and walked towards her. She was reading a book and didn't notice him. He stopped in front of her, waiting for her to lift her head and ask him why he was bothering her but she acted like he wasn't there. He liked it. Maybe this was the challenge he'd been looking for.

"Do you mind if I join you, beautiful?" he asked in his most seductive tone, looking down at her blouse.

She closed the book and pulled her long black back, satisfied with herself at the look in his eyes when he looked at her face. She smiled at him as seductively as he had been with her. He looked even better than she remembered.

"Of course not, handsome" she replied and he recognised her voice; he'd recognised it anywhere "It's always..." she trailed off, trying to find a suitable word "a pleasure to meet you, Michael" she said, smiling at him.

"Madison?" he asked, not believing his eyes, not sure if he should leave but he couldn't help it. He was very excited at the prospect of seeing her again. They had some great memories.

"We've been chasing each other for far too long" she said with a wicked smile.

TBC


	9. Back to the Past

_I'm so sorry for the delay but I've been very busy - a hundred essays to write! We're getting closer to the end.. __The song is not mine but I bet you know that... thanks for all the encouragement!! x_

9. Back to the Past

It had been quite some time since Jenny had a goodnight's sleep but the previous night was just impossible. She thought that now that her secret was out, she would finally be able to sleep but it didn't go as planned. Kelly wasn't cooperating and she'd probably have to intervene. Besides that, she couldn't get Gibbs out of her head. They had been working together for the last three years but there had always been a silent agreement, which they had broken the day before. It had always been 'only eyes, no hands' and it had worked – most of the time; but she'd felt his arms around her again, felt his breath close to her and it was so good. She couldn't help but miss him even more than she already did and the memory of his touch awakened feelings she'd be trying to bury for years. She couldn't admit it to herself and certainly not to him. She almost wanted him to fall in love with Shannon again; it would probably solve everybody's problems. If it happened, she'd even try to be happy for him. It'd break her heart but nobody needed to know that. Why should she even care for something as trivial as her feelings?

Jenny entered her office and closed the door behind her. Everything was placed were she kept it; it was like she had never left it behind for months. There was absolutely no trace of Vance and she'd make sure Cynthia was properly thanked for that miracle. Jenny had never been very fond of him and she suspected her assistant shared the same feelings. She walked towards her desk, looking around with longing and sadness. She'd done so much sacrifice for this and now she recognised that it may have been the wrong decision – it had been taken away from her too easily, too quickly. Everything had been taken away from her and she was left alone. At this point in her life, all she wanted was to be able to look back and say she didn't have regrets. Unfortunately, it wasn't possible. If regrets could kill, they could be the cause of her illness. Taking a deep breath, she tried to control her thoughts; this was neither the time nor the place to think about the past. She sank back in her chair and spotted the same old photograph that had always been kept on her desk, inside that same picture frame; her father stared back at her. She looked intently at the picture, observing the way her father looked at the camera – confident, almost imposing.

Grabbing a piece of paper and a pen, she remembered each of the five things she had included in her list years ago, writing down all of them in decreasing order of importance. At first, it was meant to be a reminder of the promises she'd made to herself when she was younger but looking at it now, she realized she had already accomplished everything. It was funny because for a long time it gave her the so much needed motivation and what was she supposed to do now? Maybe she could run away from it all and prepare herself to die; after all, it was inevitable. However, there was this irrational fear that crept in and mixed up with her anxiety; fear of being completely incapacitated and alone. He had asked her if she was giving up and the truth was...she wanted to live, as ironical as it seemed. She didn't want that, didn't want to be dependent now that she'd been an example of independency for her whole life, but she was afraid. What if something happened when she was alone? Her house was big and the neighbours wouldn't listen; she imagined the worst scenarios and they all included her being alone and no one coming to help her. She wasn't sure if it meant that she was weak but she was more than terrified and she wanted a hand to hold or a simple hug; she couldn't remember the last time she'd been given a hug. Oh, that's right. It had been yesterday.

She heard the faint sound of the door being opened and looked up, ready to throw knives at the unwanted visitor for interrupting her thoughts. Her eyes fell upon the person currently scanning her office and waited patiently as the familiar face scrutinized every corner of the room. Her slender figure leaned against the door and she stared directly at Jenny. The latter wouldn't let herself be intimidated by this and was not even in the mood for games.

"Agent Gibbs"

"Hello Jenny" she replied, walking towards Jenny's desk and sinking into one of the chairs "You've been deadly quiet lately..."

Jenny smirked, finding it, at the very least, amusing. If that was meant to scare her, it hadn't worked, not at all...

"What can I do for you, Kelly?"

* * *

Abby stepped into her lab, more than ready for another long day of being everybody's hero. Sometimes it was hard but the team was back and she was excited, more than excited, more than extremely excited. She turned on the lights and greeted each of her babies, because they could get very jealous when they didn't receive equal attention.

She hugged one and then the other and followed like this, until all her babies had been properly kissed and hugged and she was satisfied with herself.

"Now, who wants to go first?" she asked them, clapping her hands and looked from one to another, rotating slowly. Her eyes identified something in the far corner of her lab that hadn't been there before and she narrowed her eyes, pursing her lips and walked towards it. It couldn't be…no, her mind was deceiving her. She shook her head and closed her eyes, just like McGee had taught her once. Slowly, she opened one of her eyes but it was still there. She rushed to it with her jaw dropped, but not before grabbing Bert and taking him with her; she needed a reliable witness.

"Bert, do you see what I see?" she asked him, staring at the machine in front of her with eyes wide open. The hippo produced his usual response and Abby nodded.

"I know!" she said, moving closer "and it's mine" she hugged her new baby, pressing Bert to it as well.

"I've waited all my life for you" she told it, squeezing it gently. Then, she turned around to make the introductions.

"What are you doing?" McGee asked, looking beyond her "Is that…?"

"It's amazing, isn't it?!" walking to him and guiding him to it "Timmy, this is my Caf Pow machine and my newest baby, this is Timmy, my…" she bit her bottom lip, looking from one to another "we haven't discussed it yet…" she said, in a secretive tone. It was then that she saw a small card and picked it up.

She opened it and started to read, McGee doing the same over her shoulder. When she was done, she hugged it as if she was hugging the person who had sent it. She couldn't be happier than she was feeling now.

"That's soooo sweet! I love it!" she said to herself "Mommy still loves me, Timmy" she told him, smiling from ear to ear. She squeezed the machine once and hugged McGee, bouncing up and down.

"Tony is gonna be soooo jealous" Abby said, pulling away. She ran off and left a very amused McGee behind.

* * *

"Director, why are you so interested in my life?" Kelly asked Jenny, clearly annoyed by Jenny's attempts to find out about her past.

Jenny couldn't hide the smirk forming on her face and took her glasses off. Did this girl have any idea of how much like her father she was?

"I could help you to find him. Why don't we help each other?" Jenny offered. It caused Kelly to feel trapped and she couldn't breathe.

"I know you remember now" Jenny continued "and what happened to the letter I sent to your father?" she asked, arching an eyebrow.

"I don't know what you're talking about" Kelly snapped, standing up and leaning closer to Jenny.

"You wanna fuck my good daddy, do it...I don't mind" Kelly told her" but stay out of my life!" Jenny felt an incredible urge to slap the younger woman's face; someone had to teach her good manners.

"You're the only one who can catch him, Kelly" she said instead "and I know what an obsession could do to you"

Kelly arched an eyebrow and laughed, shaking her head "You know nothing about me, Jennifer Shepard" she said in a mocking tone "and I don't need anybody's help. I don't need anyone"

"When was the last time you saw her?" asked Jenny, leaning forward. Kelly clenched her jaw and sighed heavily, turning around.

Jenny observed her quietly, noticing how her body language had suddenly changed. _She knew._

"You've been warned, Director" she said and then turned to leave.

* * *

Later that day, Jennifer Shepard was beyond busy, everyone wanted a meeting and unfortunately enough, she didn't have a twin sister. Those were the side effects of faking your own death; life would eventually catch up with you. If her detail hadn't told her, she wouldn't even have noticed her mobile ringing.

"Shepard" she didn't bother to check the ID, almost sure it was…

"I love you" came a whisper barely audible

She was so surprised that she dropped the phone and watched in disbelief as it hit the concrete.

Her detail was by her side immediately.

"Ma'am, are you all right?"

Her mind went back to another place, another time, another situation that had her as much nervous as she was feeling now. She could see it before her eyes, daring her to turn her gaze from it. Even if she wanted to, she couldn't.

Like it was real, she saw a man staring at the horizon sat on the roof. She could tell he was sad, that there was something bothering him. It was just her imagination but seemed so real. She was almost sure that she had seen it somewhere once, at least she felt like she had. It was one of those last nights in Paris. The night was too familiar, the clouded sky causing her to feel a whole bunch of emotions…

_He sat on the roof, staring ahead, lost in his thoughts. The wind played shyly with his hair and he closed his eyes, concentrating on the sounds of the night. It was all so silent when everybody was asleep, all the lights were turned down and there were only a few lonely people walking down the streets. He watched them intently, creating stories to each of them, a reason for them to not be sleeping. They didn't seem to notice him and he enjoyed that feeling of being secure, being invisible; for just one night._ _The sound of the trees rustling in the breeze had him closing his eyes and inhaling deeply. He had come to love nights like this, especially after a hard day. This wasn't his life but he could get used to it; it was so much better than the one he'd left behind anyways. He didn't know if it was possible but he wanted to give it a try, had never been good at turning down a challenge. His eyes flickered open and he blinked a few times, trying to focus on the stars, wondering if they could see him, if there was really a place to go after you die. He missed them but it was different now; it had changed to a most bearable feeling. He wanted so much to be happy but at the same time, didn't want to let them down. They still meant a lot to him._

_He heard almost imperceptible noises, inching closer slowly and smiled to himself without moving or indicating he was aware of not being alone anymore. The city seemed to be dead at the witching hour but he found it more alive than ever. He felt more alive than ever. All of a sudden, the cool wind was substituted by someone else's body warmth. She was now aware that he knew she was there and seeing that he wouldn't look at her, she followed his gaze, mimicking his expression. He'd act like that every now and then and she usually let him alone to do whatever he did but today...today she wanted to be there, maybe because she felt alone at times as well. She would never ask him what he was keeping from her, mainly because she did the same, but she could attempt to cheer him up. She looked at the stars, observing how they shone to them, discretely glancing at him out of the corner of her eyes. She concentrated on the stars but ended up staring at the man beside her, mesmerised by the sight of him. She was so distracted trying to memorise all the small details that almost failed to notice him stealing his own glances at her. He smirked at her and tilted his head to the side, his lips landing on top of hers, brushing as lightly as the wind._

_She smiled back, that wide, striking smile that had him wanting to kiss her again and again. He turned his body slightly; just enough to enable himself to touch her face and cupped her cheek in his hand. It was her turn to kiss him, letting her lips linger a little more, her right hand mimicking his and cupping his face. They held each other's face close, mingling breaths into the night. Something about his eyes captivated her entirely, whenever she looked deeply into them and when they were together like that, she fought the urge to never let go of him. It really confused her; she hadn't forgotten her inexperience but he'd done it plenty of times before. She'd been told they'd be acting like a couple but it was meant to be strictly professional and now...now she wondered how much of this was true. It was another country, another continent, other circumstances. They'd been living a sort of fairy tale but she wanted to know what would be of them in the real world, if it had been just a probie's mistake or there was something more to it. As much as she hated to admit it to herself, she'd fell for him, like never before but he was her mentor, he'd done it before, he knew what he was doing. She was probably just a distraction; he'd never fell in love with her but when he looked at her like that..._

_She pulled back and he looked at her confused. Winking at him, she pushed his hand away carefully, putting some distance between them. She reached inside her pocket and he watched her fighting with the jacket. He had no idea what they were fighting over but he was certainly intrigued. With a triumphantly smile, she took off her hand from her pocket and the mystery was solved. Shining in the moonlight, there was a silver and black object, which he recognised as a harmonica._

"_I didn't know you played" he said, staring at her "You never told me"_

_She shrugged and winked at him again "I have many talents" she said with a smile "Do you play?" she asked, lowering her gaze to the instrument. She shifted and looked at him again and he shook his head in response._

_He watched her movements as if trying to keep every detail of her in his mind. Her left hand closed around the harmonica, holding it between the index finger and the thumb of her open left hand. She brought it closer to her lips, not before flashing him another smile._

"_It was a gift" she said, readjusting her hands "My father gave it to me"_

_She wondered what was different this time; it was the first time she talked about her father with someone, especially of the person was a man. Maybe he was different, at least to her. She felt she could trust him, even if she had trust issues. She began to play, a slow, blissful sound, her mouth and tongue casting a spell on him. He found himself unable to look away; nothing seemed more important than this. Their eyes met and he saw all the emotions reflected in those sparkling green eyes, mesmerised by the way her hair tussled in the cool wind. He wanted nothing more than stop the world and never leave this place, this moment. He focused on the melody and hummed absentmindedly along with the music. He knew that song, but she played it slower, tenderly and the lyrics popped into his head._

_Well, it's a marvellous night for a Moondance With the stars up above in your eyes A fantabulous night to make romance Neath the cover of October skies_

_She lost himself on the sight of her, on how majestic she seemed to be. With her red hair floating and playing the harmonica, she looked like a magical creature; one he loved watching. She sensed his stare and looked up, staring into his eyes, wishing she could read them. When she looked at him, he felt everything else fade away and wished he could look into her eyes forever. Her skilful hands opened and closed around the harmonica, her fingers slightly moving._

_And all the leaves on the trees are falling  
To the sound of the breezes that blow  
And I'm trying to please to the calling  
Of your heart-strings that play soft and low  
And all the nights magic seems to whisper and hush  
And all the soft moonlight seems to shine in your blush _

_As she reached the chorus, he interrupted her, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her closer "You'll have to teach me" he told her, kissing her when her mouth came into view again. The kiss was sweet and for a moment, she allowed her eyes to close._

"_Do you know the song?" she asked in a whisper, her face millimetres away from his. He lifted his hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and let his hand trail down, grazing the skin behind her ear down to the side of her neck. She leaned into the touch and a smile grew on his face. He lowered his head, smelling her scent, placed a kiss on the exposed skin and pulled back, keeping his hand exactly where it had stopped._

"_Yeah" he said and nodded "You're teaching or not?" She shifted to the side, moving closer until their thighs brushed against each other. She handed him the harmonica and started to explain how it worked. Pointing to the holes, she told him how and where he should put his mouth and tongue. He nodded and she continued, showing how he should hold it in his hands. His gaze left the object in his hands and moved to the woman beside him, whenever she pointed to one of the holes or something else her body would lean closer to his and her other arm was right behind him, supporting her body. He observed the way her lips moved up and down and knew she was talking but couldn't understand what she was saying, too lost in the temptation of kissing those lips. She moved her gaze to his face to make sure he was still listening and had understood everything and found herself being scrutinised by him._

"_I thought you wanted to play" she said, arching an eyebrow, tilting her head and pushing her face forward, slightly parting her lips seductively. As soon as the words left her mouth, it was his turn to arch an eyebrow and smirk. It soon turned into a smile, which granted him a smile from her. The smile faded away slowly and she looked deep into his eyes, tilting her head up a little more, so their lips were almost touching._

"_I prefer playing with the teacher" he whispered, feeling the cool wind being replaced by a heat wave as she approached him. The tip of her tongue darted out of her mouth to moisten her lips and his gaze fell to her now red lips, parting his own in the process._

"_Really?" she asked in a whisper. He noticed how her voice had suddenly changed to a huskier tone, how her eyes were darkening. Her lips brushed against his from time to time as she whispered words he couldn't hear and his tongue was getting really impatient, almost frenetic in his mouth. His senses absorbed the silence, the air that had apparently frozen. He tilted his head to the side, his nose slightly brushing against hers and she angled her head to meet his lips. Her own lips grazed him and she caught his bottom lip between hers, sucking on it before gently biting it. His eyes opened and so did hers and he was staring at her while she pulled away. He was surprised but recovered soon, pulling her closer by the waist. She smirked against his lips as he pressed them against hers. _

"_Teaser" he whispered in her ear before moving his head to claim her lips again. She pulled back slightly, luring his head to another direction, following hers around. She loved the passion and the determination in his eyes; she loved to tease him. She slapped his chest playfully and his arm left her waist. He feigned indifference; two could play the game. The sudden change in his behaviour made her bite her bottom lip to suppress the urge to laugh. He chose that exactly moment to look at her and seeing her expression, gave her his best stare. She blew a kiss to him and picked up the harmonica, secretly wondering how long it'd take until... His hands grabbed her by the waist and his eyes challenged her to pull back but she decided to surprise him instead. She swung her legs to straddle his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and smiled innocently._

"_Is that better?" she asked, her green eyes shining mischievously and she lowered her head to kiss the corner of his mouth._

"_Almost" he replied, as his hands moved from her waist to her back. He let them trailed down her back and squeezed her bottom, pressing her lower body against his hips. She felt her stomach tighten and he might have felt the same because it was there in his eyes and in the way his hands caressed her body._

_Her thumb ran along his bottom lip and her other hand cupped his cheek. He let her thumb part his lips and felt it moving inside his mouth, just enough to touch the tip of his tongue. It ran along his lips again, moistening them this time. She put her hands on the sides of his face and stared deep into his eyes, lowering her head slowly. Their lips met, barely touching at first and gradually pushing into each other. One of her hands left his face and took hold of his neck, being soon followed by the other. The tip of his tongue came in contact to her slightly parted lips and traced her lower lip. His hand caressed the back of her neck, the other slipping under her shirt. His hands were cold and as he touched her skin, her lips parted even more and he was granted access. As the kiss grew more passionate, he pulled her tighter to him, pressing her chest against his. Tongues and lips moved with urgency and need to have each other, causing every nerve in her body to throb as his hands and mouth worshiped her. Then, his hand tangled in her hair and the kiss became more demanding, holding her head in place, causing her to forget everything else. He kissed her with such intensity that all she could think of was more; she wanted more. She lowered them down without breaking the kiss, wanting to feel everything he could give her._

She took a deep breath, feeling a splitting headache on the sides of her head. Was it real? She couldn't believe he'd done that! Stubborn man! If it wasn't enough, she'd remembered that night; she'd admitted to herself that she loved him for the first that night. Her heartbeat echoed in her ears, her head dropped to her chest and her hands trembled. _Everything was all but fine._

"Yes...I'm just tired" she replied a little shaken "We can go back to NCIS now"

"Your phone, Ma'am" he said as he handed it to her "Should we trace the phone call?"

"No, that won't be necessary" she said in a more composed tone.

* * *

Gibbs sighed heavily, staring absentmindedly at the phone; not that he expected her to say she felt the same but it was still hard. He knew there was something but he wasn't sure if the feeling was reciprocated. Deep inside him, he admitted to himself that he needed her now more than ever and he missed her. He asked himself why he had called her, why he had said it out of the blue. It was still true, though. He didn't know how to deal with all the sudden changes in his life and he wanted her there, by his side. Now that he couldn't trust anyone, he wanted to trust in her. Shannon and he didn't know what to do; things were as awkward as they could get and he couldn't even breathe. All he wanted now was to see a familiar face and this familiar face had a name. He almost wished Kelly would show up and rescue him from…

"Do you mind if we go for a walk?" Shannon asked, trying to sound casual, pretending the tension wasn't there. In fact, she couldn't stand being inside that house any longer; it was suffocating her. Whenever she looked up, her daughter's face greeted her but that was the innocent, sweet girl. Things were so much easier back then; their life was as close to perfect as it could possibly be. She wanted to see her again; her daughter and if it meant that she had to expose her life to Jethro, she'd do it.

He agreed with a nod and followed her out of his house. As they walked, the distance between their bodies gradually decreased and their shoulders ended up touching each other by accident, which caused both of them to apologise at the same time. She folded her arms and stared ahead, guessing it was better if she pretended it had never happened. She was beyond nervous, yet he looked so calm.

Shannon was secretly praying for it to end soon; she needed more time. She was surprised by the way he was treating her; she didn't know if she could have done the same in his place. He watched her out of the corner of his eyes as they walked; years ago, she used to fold her arms like this and clutch her upper arms to ease the tension and become less nervous; it seemed like she had kept the habit. He kept his hands for the entire time in his pockets; something he didn't do very often. He wanted to conceal all the things he was feeling for the woman beside him now. She was so different that he could barely recognise her. The woman he met, fell in love with and later married was sweet; that was how everybody described her. It was something they realised just by looking at her. Shannon Gibbs was a lovely woman but this Shannon was too worried and somehow tired of something; he could see it all in the way she walked; it was in her eyes.

She was older and there were some wrinkles and lines in her face. They didn't make her less beautiful but it was a different kind of beauty. This woman was stronger, imposing, more experienced, and seemed almost unbreakable. He didn't remember his wife to be so confident, so enigmatic. Both Shannon and Kelly seemed like fountains of secrets and he waited for the moment when he'd be able to get near enough to find out what was hidden there. She looked up and turned her head to the left to look at him. He continued to stare ahead but blinked, sensing her eyes on him and tilted his head to meet her gaze. She looked at him through her sunglasses and he suddenly realised she wasn't wearing them because of the sun.

"I thought you preferred short hair" she said, her mind screaming for her to break the silence. She didn't like his new look; she preferred the old Jethro. This guy looked like a younger, fitter version of Santa; she couldn't even find him attractive. Maybe it was due to the fact she had married a younger man – Paul was younger than both of them – or that small flame had been more transient that she believed.

He allowed himself to smile sadly, because it reminded him of their wedding day, how she said that everything was going to be fine and that he looked great when he dressed up. She had asked him if he'd ever let his hair get longer and he replied saying women usually fell for his face and grinned at her. They got married for many reasons and sadly, love wasn't the main of them. He loved her and would have done anything for her but there was something missing; it was a different kind of love.

"I still do" he told her "but I've been too busy recently with other things" he admitted and it was her turn to smile sadly at him, her cheeks slightly blushing. She didn't think it was her fault, but nevertheless she felt ashamed.

"I couldn't come back, Jethro" she said shaking her head "I wasn't allowed to and it was dangerous"

He sighed heavily, his head turning to the left, away from her. He wanted to tell her what it did to him; the sleepless nights, the guilty, the pain, the nightmares, the despair; but he couldn't. He wasn't sure he could trust her yet; she was still hiding something from him but he was taking his time. She clutched her arms tighter – he was making it clear that he wouldn't open up, that he hadn't the slightest desire to tell her his side of the story and she couldn't even blame him. She hadn't expected him to be simply happy but the Jethro she knew wouldn't be so quiet, either.

"We moved to Miami" she continued and paused, finally interpreting his silence "We missed you too" she said in a whisper, memories of Kelly constantly asking when daddy would be home again, how her daughter cried whenever she replied that she didn't know when he'd be back. He clenched his jaw, his hands turning into fists in his pockets and his body tensed. He refused to look at her, afraid she'd see right through his soul. For once, he wanted to make it as difficult to her as it had been to him.

"You have every right to be angry but--"

"I lost my family, Shannon" he said vehemently "You took my daughter away from me" the change in the tone of his voice was almost imperceptible but she could clearly see the unshed tears at bay. He was trying to hide his feelings but couldn't help how he reacted whenever Kelly was mentioned.

"It was not my fault" she defended herself, grabbing him by the arm, forcing him to look at her "but I couldn't risk her life or yours"

"I've been living a lie, Shannon" he told her, grabbing her upper arm "I loved you and I thought...I thought you loved me too"

"I did love you" she said quietly "or at least I thought I did" she freed her arm from his hand and cupped his face in her hands "Would you ever forgive me if I stayed and Kelly was really murdered? I did think of you, Jethro; many times but it was _my _responsibility to keep both of you safe"

He knew she was right, yet he didn't know what to think and it made sense to him that she was the one to blame. He didn't know what to think, what to feel; that, all that was so crazy... when he looked at them, he couldn't see his wife and his daughter; he saw two strangers and he blamed himself for it and blamed her for putting everybody in this turmoil. It had been _his_ responsibility to protect them but they had denied him the chance to even attempt to do what he was supposed to. He had had enough of the past; couldn't he turn it off for a couple of seconds? He thought he'd never feel worse than how he felt after their 'death' but now he did. The thought that they had betrayed him made his heart hurt even more than it did back then. In the meantime, Shannon pondered how much she should really tell him. She wanted his help but it didn't mean he had to know everything; he certainly didn't need to.

"I wouldn't have left if I had the chance" she told him and it was true; she missed the innocence of that time but she was happier now, as happy as a mother can be when her daughter is making the biggest mistake of her life anyway "but I can't say that I regret it and that's why I can't apologise" she let go his face, as she had his full attention now. This was hard on both of them, if she could only make him see that...

"Why now?" he asked her, folding his arms tightly across his chest "Why are you here?" he glared at her, wishing he could make her hurt with only his eyes. Was it possible that he was the only one that cared? He'd have jumped at the chance to be with them; Kelly had always been his priority number one. He'd married far too many women to fantasize about their marriage; he understood perfectly fine that she was not interested in him anymore and he didn't really care but he deserved to be there for Kelly as much as she had. She was his daughter too.

His words echoed in her mind and she felt weak but stared at him like it had never happened. He'd always been a little stubborn but it had apparently got worse over the years.

"It was a promise I made" she admitted, remembering the day Jenny had introduced herself, but she had also promised not to tell him about it "You deserve a new chance with Kelly and so do I"

He stared at her in momentary confusion, furrowing his eyebrows and narrowing his eyes "What are you not telling me, Shannon? There's something wrong with Kelly, isn't there?"

She sighed heavily and folded her arms, as if to protect her from him. She knew he'd eventually ask it but she couldn't tell him the truth; she'd been trying to prepare herself for that question for years but she didn't have the guts to tell him how Kelly had been hurt, not when she was meant to be protecting her.

"Yes" she said, trying to gain some time to formulate it "She was in an accident and went into coma" she whispered and if he wasn't so close, he would never have listened. This was so not what he had expected; his daughter in a coma?

"When she was finally awake, I tried to explain to her what happened but she couldn't remember anything; she thought I was lying. After the doctors released her, we went home and I tried to find a better way to approach the problem" she told him, her heartbeat echoed in her ears; she never talked about these things; even if she wasn't telling him the whole truth, it still hurt. Gibbs would have asked for the details but he was too shocked to even attempt to speak.

"After that, we fought regularly and one day I woke up and she was gone" her eyes were filled with tears and she tightened her arms across her chest "I haven't seen her since then; that was four years ago" she added, looking at him; silently, asking for advice.

That explained a lot. He'd been in a coma himself – twice; he knew how confusing it could get when amnesia was involved.

"That's why you're here. You wanted to see her again" he said, as his confusion and anger subsided. It was clear that she was asking for his help and he silently nodded, looking deep into her eyes, to indicate he understood her reasons and agree to reunite them.

"What kind of accident?" he asked, as the question was eating him alive; he needed to know. He watched as she lowered her gaze and shook her head absentmindedly.

"I don't know" she said but she did know; she didn't have the details but the doctors had told her enough; she'd seen enough "She couldn't remember anything and we could only make assumptions"

He nodded again and they felt the silent falling upon them; both very aware of the other's presence but wanting to be alone for a second. Not a word was spoken for minutes and Shannon looked at him hesitantly. She didn't know what else she could do but maybe... maybe she could make it right this time.

"Come with me" she said with a nod of the head "I want you to meet someone"

He nodded but hadn't heard what she'd said. He knew there was something wrong with his daughter and he'd been right.

TBC


	10. Staring Death In The Face

_It took me too long but it's here! Not much to go now, probably another one. Missed me? Don't answer that... If you were confused or not, I hope this will make things clear. Also, if you think I'm crazy, it was basedon a true story and they really did it...Have fun!!_

10. Staring Death in the Face

_"One must feel sorry for those who have strange tastes, but never insult them. Their wrong is Nature's too; they are no more responsible for having come into the world with tendencies unlike ours than are we for being born bandy-legged or well-proportioned". Marquis de Sade._

Jenny fidgeted with her fingers, digging her nails in her palms every now and then, trying hard to ignore just how much harder swallowing had become. The doctor, who happened to be one of her oldest friends, had taken blood samples and had excused himself, saying he'd be right back with her x-ray results and that was all. Now she waited patiently, as patient as she could be under those circumstances. No mattered how many times she told herself that she had already foreseen the worst possible scenarios, especially after stopping taking the pills, she was a lot more than just a little apprehensive. She looked around, not really expecting to see anything interesting but doing it anyway. Her mind took notice of the details of the room for the first time – it was all so impersonal and cold, made her feel even worse. It gave her a sense of emptiness and caused her heart to beat a little faster; she could even hear it making its way up her neck and blocking the path to her throat.

On the one hand, she almost wished the worst would happen; it'd put an end to her agony and the sleepless nights. Sometimes she asked herself if her life was still worth all the trouble. She was not only playing with her life and there were others involved but things were getting more complicated and that was exactly the opposite of what she wanted to happen. She wanted to reunite the family, make sure he was happy before she was gone; if only Shannon wasn't married and in love with her husband... It was her last wish; she wanted to see him happy, truly happy. That was why she went after them, how she found they were alive, why she convinced Kelly to come back and why she was trying to help her get that guy. Jenny knew their secrets and it made her feel even more guilty but if she wanted him to be happy, he couldn't know about his daughter and she really doubted Shannon would tell him. It was one more secret to her collection, one more planet to the whole galaxy she carried on her shoulders. However, this time it was different; this time she didn't know if she could be strong enough to do it again.

On the other hand, she wanted to live, to make something important to someone, do something for those she cared for and above all, she wanted to be strong enough to stand on her own now. It was then that she realised for the first time that she'd done that for years; she'd always cried alone, even when she was just a girl, it had always been her and her alone. How could she miss the two arms that never got to hold her until she stopped crying? She did miss them though; she'd always wondered what it'd feel like. She could see the tip of her nose turning red and felt her head starting to ache. Thinking she'd felt something on her shoulder, she tilted her head slowly, right in time to see the doctor looking at her with worry. It was all a blur and she closed her eyes.

"Jenny" his voice was so quiet that it got lost in the corners of her mind. She blinked, feeling a blush rise to her cheeks and the corner of her mouth turned upwards in a smile.

She sat up straight, waiting for him to return to the chair in front of her but, surprisingly, he sat on the chair beside hers. She pursed her lips a little, feeling slightly more nervous than before. What he had to say couldn't be good if he was trying so hard to make it easy for her and apparently, her stomach agreed with her, if she considered the way it was flipping. He leaned forward, closer to her, his hands tightly clasped together and moistened his lips. She swallowed hard, feeling every cell in her body throbbing with pain in anticipation. She shifted uncomfortably in her chair under his gaze. She wanted to stop the noise; it was embarrassing her. Was it possible that he could hear her heart too? He stared at her intently and for an instant, she could have sworn that he could even read her mind. Would he think she was crazy if she just left now? Could she arrest him for not respecting the privacy of her thoughts? Probably not... There was only plan C then - sit and wait.

"I have the results right here" he said, indicating an envelope with a nod of the head "but I want to talk to you first" he added. There was something cold and sinister about that understanding tone and she furrowed her brow in concentration. Talks were never good, in a relationship and definitely not in a hospital.

"Okay" she managed to say, after she realised he'd been waiting for a response. What else could she do?

"I don't know what's going on inside your mind but I can imagine it" he said, trying to read her blank expression "I've already seen too many people in the same position you're in and..." he paused, trying to find the right words, knowing too well the woman in front of him and how she'd be out of the door if she felt he was pitying her "I'm worried about you, Jenny" he finally said.

For an instant, she lowered her head, feeling more than just a little embarrassed. That was exactly the sort of thing she'd been strongly avoiding since the beginning, exactly why she had kept it a secret.

"It can't be good when those words come from your doctor, right?" she said, forcing a smile. He smiled back at her; even now, she hadn't lost her sense of humor.

"We've known each other since we were kids, Jenny" he said, stretching out his hand. She looked at him, feeling even more embarrassed, if possible, gathering all the strength to do it. Her hand was lifted slowly, as if she was afraid of what that small gesture would do to what he thought of her. She felt his fingers against her palm and looked up at him, looking into his eyes "What happened to that girl who trusted me? What happened to the girl who used to be my best friend?" he asked, moving his hand to hold hers tightly. She stared at him, remembering those days very well.

"That girl grew up, saw a lot more than she needed, has been through more than she ever imagined she would" she said, looking absentmindedly at their intertwined hands "She doesn't want to trust anyone. They don't need to be there"

"You know why I'm worried about you, Jenny?" he asked quietly, his voice echoing in the almost empty room. He looked into her now distant green eyes "You're a great person and you're a great friend" he said, tugging at her hand to make her look at him and when she finally did, he noticed her eyes were slightly red but chose to keep the information to himself "but you never let anyone in, never did"

She listened intently, even if it didn't seem so. It wasn't something she did on purpose but it was always there; she couldn't help it. She'd learnt it from her parents, especially her father, and it was part of her now. They'd always told her that she couldn't trust anyone but herself, that friends were a luxury and as Jethro used to say, she was a fast learner. The damage was already there. He was her doctor and her friend but...Of course he was right, but did it make any difference if she changed it now?

"Why did you come to me?" he asked, daring her to look at him again, already having a good guess as to why she was there and not at other doctor's office "Would you let a stranger know about what's going on with you?"

She turned her gaze away from him, her head moving slowly to the side. She could feel her heart racing in her chest. He knew the reason and she knew he knew the reason, but he wanted to hear it from her, to prove she was wrong; she was not giving him that. She was too old to be reprimanded by someone else, even if said person was her doctor. If this was his idea of closure, he was so sadly mistaken; it was suffocating her.

"When you're done giving me a lecture, would you, please, tell me what the results were? Or am I supposed to find out on my own?" she asked impatiently "I'd argue with you but I'm just not in the mood" she said, arching an eyebrow at him, giving her version of that same old Gibbs stare.

"One of my professors once told me that nobody should go to the doctor alone, that there should be someone else" he said, picking up the envelope and opening it up, shaking his head "It's in times like these that you should not be afraid of admitting that you need the support of your family, of your friends. I bet they'd like to be here"

If her situation wasn't so pathetic, she'd have laughed. He was so sure there was someone out there and it hurt her to think that she couldn't even give him a proper answer, because she didn't want to see his face after she told him that there was no family, no friends. She'd been pushing everyone away very effectively, each time being careful enough to remind herself what she was doing it for. Sometimes the pain was almost a pleasure. Whenever it happened, she'd focused on it and it meant she was still alive and that she could feel, that she wasn't that heartless woman everybody thought she was. The realization that she had nothing besides her job was a little disappointing and she wondered if there was still time to regret that same decision once more.

"If you're telling me I have a week left..." she trailed off and cursed inwardly for allowing that do happen "do it! I have things to do and I'm already late. Don't waste my time" she said, starting to lose her temper. The tone of her voice changed to a thicker one and she bit her bottom lip in an attempt to stop the trembling, her eyes blinking ferociously. She felt vulnerable, more than she ever did. That was it. The truth was here and she couldn't afford to look away. It wasn't flashes of her entire life that were right before her eyes, no good or bad memories, just black. All turned black and she couldn't see anything. Suddenly, everything had disappeared. The sounds were gone, the lights were turned off and she couldn't breathe. The room seemed to be holding its breath and life seemed to have frozen. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, feeling incredibly cold. Everything around her was silence; silence echoing, silence getting louder and louder. It all came as a fast explosion and then, there was a piercing and frightening sound - the sound of shattering glass. Her eyes fluttered open and she saw it all again; the hospital and a confused look from the doctor. She closed her eyes again, feeling slightly nauseous and heard the sound of shattering glass again; she could almost feel it falling around her.

He rushed to her side, afraid she was going to faint at any second. Jenny opened her eyes slowly, wishing the room would stop spinning. He looked into her eyes and asked something but she didn't understand anything and just nodded, assuming he was asking if she was feeling better now. She blinked, trying to ignore the overwhelming sense of lost and confusion. It had never happened before. What the hell was that? She put a hand on her chest to reassure herself that she was really there, awake, and not sleeping or remembering some scene of the past. When had the room gotten so cold? She could feel her stomach flipping and her palms began to sweat, a cold sweat and a shiver ran down her spine. She recomposed herself and shrugged off his hands. He let go of her reluctantly, and she stared at him, hoping her stare was cold enough, hoping he couldn't see how terrified she really was. She waited patiently, expecting him to do what he was meant to at any second. He sighed heavily and she saw the lines that never left his forehead, even when he walked to the other side of the room. He shook his head slightly to dismiss a stubborn thought and turned around. He looked at her once more, just to make sure it was over and put the x-rays on the lightbox.

"Just think of what I said to you earlier, Jenny" he told her, motioning for her to approach the lightbox in front of him "It won't make you less strong. Think once, twice... a hundred times if necessary".

As her vision became less blurred and the room stopped spinning, she folded her arms tightly across her chest and lifted her eyes. She felt exposed and froze in place, trying to regain that self control back. She blinked her eyes a few times and took a deep breath, feeling her façade fell back in place. After calming down, she finally looked at him, staring coldly. The only way she knew to handle her fear was that, suppressing it, hiding it within herself.

* * *

Later than night, she was already in bed when there was a knock on the door. She dragged herself out of bed and ran a hand over her sleepy eyes. She didn't even know what time it was but it was definitely late and she wasn't expecting anyone. It could always be her detail but she doubted. He wouldn't do it, unless he was very stupid. Holding her gun with one hand, she opened the door with the other, her eyes widening and jaw dropping for a second. She didn't say anything; she wasn't the one knocking on somebody else's door late in the night.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, froze in place and staring at him. He shrugged, avoiding her eyes. She tilted her head to the side, observing him look at anything other than her.

"I…" he sighed, looking at the ceiling, waiting for the answer to be sent to him, not knowing if he should say it "I wanted to see your face" he said, shrugging and looked deep into her eyes. She could never resist him when he looked at her so vulnerable; it happened once in a lifetime and she could only step aside and let him in.

They sat on the couch and she turned to face him, propping her elbow on the back.

"You're confused" she started and he looked up at her "There's so much going on in your life right now and you don't know what your feelings --"

"I have no doubts about my feelings, Jen" he said, interrupting her "but I'm going crazy because I can't control my life anymore!" he was breathing quickly and looked very agitated. He knew he had to say it all, before it strangled him "I know you didn't want me to say what I did, but it's true! I'm sorry but I had to do it! Please, don't push me away…" he took deep breaths and as if they had a mind of their own, his hands framed her face and pulled her face to him.

She covered his mouth with her hand and her lips pressed against her skin instead.

"You saw her?" she asked, her hand still over his mouth. He nodded, his gaze getting distant for a split second. He blinked and focused on her again.

"You didn't have to do it" he said, his voice muffled by her hand. Her head lowered and her hand left his face; she didn't expect that.

"You needed to know" she whispered "You deserve to be happy".

His hand slipped from her face and for a moment, she thought she'd seen his eyes sparkling. "I have a granddaughter" he told her, his eyes filling with tears, but he was smiling and proud of himself. She loved that smile and couldn't help running her thumb over his cheekbone "She looks so much like Kelly" he laughed and she smiled, more than happy herself.

"That's good" she said, encouraging him to go on "Did she like you?" she asked and his smile widened.

"You have to meet her. She's beautiful"

"I bet she is" she said "She have the right genes" she joked and he looked at her, mesmerised by her smile and her sparkling green eyes. His hands lifted and framed her face again; they were so close. He wished he hadn't because she stopped smiling and looked seriously at him.

"I can't love her" he whispered, caressing her cheeks "She's not the one I want and she can't be the woman I love" he said, shaking his head.

"I'd never knock on your door to ask you to be at my side because I didn't want to die alone…" she said, covering his right hand with her left. She shook her head "You've been mourning a woman's death for all your life and I don't want you to be there again "

"You _don't_ have to go through this alone, Jenny" he argued, pressing his lips slightly against hers, taking her by surprise. He pulled slightly back and looked into her eyes, running his fingers through her hair.

"You don't have to be there, Jethro. You _shouldn't_ be there" she said, trying hard to ignore the feeling of his hand through her hair, how it relaxed her, but ended up closing her eyes.

He kissed her cheek "I can't say that I've never been in love before" he whispered in her ear "but I've never loved someone like I love you"

"You don't know what you asking..." she said, opening her eyes, trying to ignore what he said and his hot breath on her face as he looked into her eyes.

"Yes, I do" he said, tracing her lips with his fingers "It's up to you".

She closed the gap between them, placing her lips over his in a sweet kiss. She pulled back and hugged him tightly, his hands wrapping around her waist.

"We're together" he whispered, kissing the top of her head "and I'm not leaving you" his arms tightened around her and she could only nod, too lost in the feeling of him so close.

* * *

She pulled him gently by the shirt, making their chests collide and looked deep into his eyes, losing herself into them. She smiled wickedly and hooked a finger at him before turning around and disappearing through a door. He observed the way her body moved, with the quietness and smoothness of a cat. He moistened his lips and swallowed hard, running a hand through his hair. She was definitely seducing him, not exactly what he had expected her to do. He wasn't a man of getting nervous but the situation was...he sighed heavily, because it was too good for him to resist. He knew he shouldn't but he couldn't say no. It him a few seconds to recompose himself and follow her. He entered the room, taking his time to appreciate the view. She was bent over the nightstand and had lit the last candle. He realised she had it all planned; he'd taught her well. She heard him close the door and turned to face him, right in time to see him turning off the lights; it had never bothered then before but she liked the change. Their eyes locked in the darkness and all the doubt was gone; they knew it was the right thing to do, both had waited a long time for it. He looked at her mesmerized by the way her skin and hair shone while she was standing near the candles, how her eyes sparkled at him. She wasn't smiling or anything; her face was a pure blank, but it was in her eyes that he always searched for the emotion, the intensity he loved watching to emerge.

She walked towards him agonizingly slowly and he took a step forward to meet her halfway. They stopped at arm's length, staring at each other. Time stopped and she felt numb, lost in a trance. Her eyes sparkled at his icy blue ones and he lifted his hands to touch her, not wanting to break the spell but yearning for her at the same time. She grabbed his wrists and shook her head slowly. She wanted it to be a long night; his impatience would have to wait. He looked at her confused, not understanding the sudden resistance, sensing the tension still in the air. She lowered his arms and he let them fall to his sides as she took a step back to look at him, looking with appreciation at him. Maybe it was true that old flames never burnt. Her eyes travelling down his body only increased his impatience and he couldn't help the smirk forming on his face; although his hands had a mind of their, he was trying control himself, loving the determination in her eyes as she took the lead, the passion she exhaled. He took the opportunity to check her out, much to his appreciation. He was completely obsessed with that woman. Her body, her hair, her eyes, he loved them all, and lots of the craziest ideas popped up inside his mind as he observed her curves. His hands itched to touch her, bring her closer to him, and feel her body against his. She looked into his eyes and he held her gaze, silently sending an invitation to her; it was her decision and he'd follow her.

She approached him and put her hands on his shoulders, letting them fall to his chest and trailing them back up. He stood still, watching her every move carefully, his hands itching to touch her more than ever. She walked round him in a circle, her hands slowly trailing to his back, moving across and down his toned body, feeling the muscles tense underneath the shirt. So far, he'd been very patient and that was not like him but he trusted her and above all, he was just another helpless man being seduced by an a attractive woman; if she wanted him quiet, he'd be a nice boy. She ran a hand from his right hip to his left and was able to feel his whole body turn stiff. Facing him, she looked at his hair, his forehead, his eyes, his nose, his mouth, his chin, while the candlelight made his skin shine to her. She didn't know for how long he'd stay still but she was enjoying it too much for now; she was fascinated, he couldn't be more perfect to her eyes. She lowered her head as her hands travelled to his pants and started massaging his waist, only grazing the skin at first and then, making long, smooth strokes. He lowered his head, breathing heavily. She stepped closer, pressing her front against his back and placed a kiss to his neck while her hands untucked the back of his shirt, biting the skin of his neck not so shyly. His body arched and he lifted his head, the hair on the back of his neck standing up. She smirked against his skin, lost in the smell of his aftershave, hearing the groan that escaped his mouth. He turned around to face her.

"You done?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her waist, one of his hands slipping under her shirt.

"I've just started" she replied and kissed his jawline before wriggling away from him.

He untucked the front of his shirt and smiled widely at her "What about now?"

She arched an eyebrow at him and ripped the shirt open, tossing some of the bottoms away in the process. The corner of his mouth turned upwards and his eyes sparkled mischievously, like they always did. The tip of her fingers made contact with the exposed skin and she bit her bottom, letting the rest of her fingers follow to feather touch his muscular chest. His breath caught in his throat, his chest barely moving up and down against her palm. She looked up at him and into his eyes; he stared at her with equal intensity and she felt her own breath catch in her throat. The fingers of his left hand closed around her wrist and made her hand move from his chest, passing his throat, up to his neck, move to his chin, letting her fell the light stubble, and finally graze the softness of his lips. He placed a kiss on her fingertips and guided her hand back down, letting it stop above his heart. She felt it beating strongly, steady, and something popped up in the back of her mind but she paid no attention; his skin was so smooth to the touch that her other hand soon followed, stroking his chest, applying pressure. His nipples pebbled as she raked her nails over them and it was with great delight that she watched his head drop back and his lips part slightly; all she could think of was more, she wanted much more of this. Her hands descended, grazing his sides, leaving goose bumps along the path. She finally found his stomach, tracing the muscles, feeling how they quivered in response. The more she touched him, the more she felt this incredible urge to bite him. She let her nails graze his skin, inching to his belly button; the muscles contracted as she neared the waistband of his pants and his hand landed on top of hers.

She walked round his body in a circle and looked at his back, putting her hands on his broad shoulders, tracing his muscles in a more possessively way this time. Her thumbs ran along his shoulder blades and back to the base of his neck. She substituted her hands for her mouth and let her nails trail down to the small of his back, feeling the goose bumps on his skin once again as she bit his neck and he arched his back, a shiver running down his spine. He turned around slowly, against his body's will, and she saw just how much his eyes had darkened and felt the effect it had on her, hoped it wasn't so evident in her own eyes. She wanted him and all he could give her, but she didn't know if she could tell him about it, not without the risk of exposing her feelings. She'd never thought that it would change, that it'd feel like this when she touched him again, after such a long time, but it did. He was in front of her and neither memory nor fantasy could ever be compared to the real man. He made her look at him by taking her hands in his and guiding them to the loops of his belt. She stared at her hands absentmindedly and tilted her head up to look at him, her eyes more enigmatic than ever. She had always been very good at forgetting details but she seemed to remember everything related to him; what he liked and what he didn't, what drove him crazy. She felt his wet lips on her neck and pulling back, he winked at her and took his shoes and socks off.

Then, he walked to the bed, looking over his shoulder at her, but she froze in place, watching him making himself comfortable; it was like he belonged there, with her. As he walked away from her, her gazed moved to buttocks, and she decided she really liked his ass. She was having trouble juggling the desire she felt and the words a little voice was whispering in her ear; the annoying little voice was ignored as she mentally turned it off and returned to the task of watching him. By now, he'd already reached the bed and as she held his gaze, he sat on the edge of the bed and hooked a finger at her, luring her towards him. She didn't know how but she was standing in front of him in one swift movement. He leaned back on his hands and arched an eyebrow at her, the corner of his mouth curving upwards in a smirk. It all look too good for her to resist and she soon climbed onto his lap, straddling him. Her hands found his neck and her fingers moved in circles to his shoulders, descending to his chest. His hands grabbed her waist slowly, first the left and then, the right. She kissed his ear, gently nibbling and licking his earlobe. He wounded his arms around her waist, pulling her closer, one of his hands trailing up her spine and he gripped her neck, filling his hands with her hair and pulled her head back. She felt his hot breath against her neck and bit her bottom lip as he sucked on the skin of her neck, sending shivers down her spine. He whispered in her ear and she closed her eyes, concentrating on his velvet voice.

"Missed me?" she asked in a whisper, lifting her arms so he could take her blouse off. If his tightening pants were any indication, she could take it as a yes. She met his eyes and he pressed her harder against his lap, groaning inwardly.

"Mmhm" he stared at the pale skin in front of him, before lowering his head to cover the exposed skin with his mouth. Her quickened breath made her chest move up and down and the view had him cupping her breasts with his hands, brushing his thumbs over her nipples. He moved slowly under her and she could feel the heat rising inside her everytime he brushed against her, hard and soft at the same time.

"They're bigger" he said, his hot breath tickling her skin as he bit down, determined to leave a mark. All she could do was nod and dig her nails into the skin of his back to stop a cry from escaping her. He reached behind her to unclasp her bra and she took the chance to bite his neck. The slow movement of his hips, the way he pressed against her and his tongue on her skin, it was all very inspiring but she needed more "I have my hands full…" he whispered teasingly as she tried to make him lie down.

His skillful hands unbuttoned her jeans and pulled the zipper down. She quickly left his embrace and he moved further on the bed, his eyes never leaving her, watching her as the rest of her clothes slid down her body. She looked at him, her hair messed up, her cheeks flushed, her lips slightly parted, and he took off his pants, moving further on the bed. He moistened his lips and smiled wickedly at her, two dimples adorning each of his cheeks. Her eyes drifted down his body, until they met his black underwear and couldn't look away.

"Come here" he said, patting his lap and she crawled on the bed slowly, too slowly, and he was almost reaching for her when she stopped, looking directly at the last piece of cloth "You can do the honors" he whispered and she took it as a challenge, arching an eyebrow at him with that wicked smile on her face. One of her hands trailed down his chest, digging her nails into his soft skin as it descended, grazing his stomach and the muscles quivered, giving her the encouragement she needed to rub him through the thin material. She lifted her head slightly, just enough to see his face, enough to see his head thrown back and his eyelids closing. The feeling was great, and not just because it gave her a sense of power. Her fingers kept moving up and down, while she leaned over him, letting her hands follow the same path her hand did. As he thrust again, her fingers slipped under the elastic of his briefs, wrapping around him, finding it better than she had imagined; he was so warm. She heard him say something and even if she hadn't understood, she knew too well what he wanted. Her other hand slid his briefs down his thighs and she paused her ministrations to pull them off him. She leaned back over him, her tongue trailing back from where her hands had stopped to his chest. Her face stood a breath away from his and her hand run across his chest, before she lowered her head to look down again, seeing him in his full glory, how it touched his belly. In the blink of an eye, she saw herself lying on her back with him on top and having her hands being pinned over her head. His hands gripped her wrist and she opened herself to him, wrapping her legs around him and feeling him slid into her. She gasped, at both the incredible feeling of having him inside her and the fact that he'd chosen this position.

"Faster" she whispered, urging his hips on with hers, feeling what it did to her body, knowing every nerve was throbbing by now. He looked deep into her eyes and increased the pace, watching her how her face changed, and the way her lips parted. He found himself hypnotised by her pretty mouth, eager to taste those lips. She felt him hardening and tried desperately to free her hands. He didn't resist for long and his hands rested beside each side of her head as her arms wrapped around his torso and brought him down to her. She loved the feeling of his hot body against hers, loved the look he was given her. Their eyes locked and he lowered his head to kiss those tempting lips. They barely brushed against hers but he felt even more on fire and moved deeper, eliciting moans from her. He pressed his lips against hers again, fiercely this time and slipped his tongue through them and into her mouth. It caused her to tighten her hold on him and she could feel she was close, while her tongue danced with his, moving from mouth to mouth. His lips were soft, sweet and she couldn't get enough of him. Her hands moved down to his hips and she digged her nails into the sensitive skin, feeling waves of pleasure overwhelm her, her body arched into him and she felt like her body was going to explode and her heart was going to stop. Her lips parted and she heard the loud sounds coming from her mouth, soon followed by him as he reached release and collapsed on top of her. Absentmindedly, as she caught her breath, she ran a hand through his curls and another up and down his back.

He lifted his head from where it rested on her neck and looked into her eyes, feeling his body coming back to life. Her thumb ran along his masculine jawline, feeling the slight roughness. He lied down beside her and stared at the ceiling, feeling her eyes on him. She missed the feeling of him inside her and closed her eyes, remembering everything that had just happened. Feeling his fingers on her cheek, she opened her eyes and looked at him; it was so intense that all else faded away and she could only see him, a strange feeling in her chest, her heart beating differently. He moved closer to her and she couldn't stop the things she felt; she didn't know how to describe it, but it was there and it was huge. She turned on her side and faced him, propping her head up in her palm, mimicking his position. His blue eyes looked distant as his fingers trailed her features and she put her hand on top of his. He looked confused and she felt the same; she understood that _this _was complicated and it meant a lot, but when he kissed her...he'd never kissed her like that; he'd never touched her like that. He held her gaze and his hand moved to the side of her neck, pulling her closer. That feeling...kissing her...it was amazing and he wanted to lose himself into her. Their lips pressed gently together and their eyes closed slowly as she parted her lips and the tip of her tongue brushed against his. They pushed closer to one another as the pleasure of kissing each other overwhelmed them and the kiss became more passionate. It was a new feeling, which burnt and exploded inside of them. He lied on his back and brought her with him, her hands framing his face as they expressed all those unknown feelings.

His arms wrapped around her body, feeling it press against his, and his hand caressed her back, feeling the smooth skin's warmth and her long hair tickling his fingers. She pulled away, breathing heavily and looked down at him, her blue eyes sparkling to him. He lifted his hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and looked deep into her eyes.

"We've never done this before" he whispered, as if afraid of his own mind.

"True" she whispered back, watching the confusion so evident in his gaze.

"It feels good" he said, the corner of his mouth turning upwards. She looked at him, noticing the difference; she'd never seen this smile before and she liked it, could even feel her own smiling coming. He kissed her softly again as he saw her smile; she had a beautiful smile.

"You grew up, Maddie" he told her, playfully grabbing her buttocks; she kissed him in return.

"I missed you, Michael" she said, nuzzling his neck and placing a kiss above his heart.

"Don't leave me again" he said and his hold tightened a little "I need you, Madison"

"I won't" she promised, playing with his hair "but I don't share. Promise me there'll be no one else"

He pressed his lips against hers "You've always been the only one" he told her, looking slightly offended but trying to control his anger and was granted another smile. He smiled back and sucked on her bottom lip, wanting to feel that thing again.

"I want to do it again" he whispered in her ear and she couldn't help the shiver it sent down her spine.

Her smile faded a little as his hands started to touch her and he kissed her neck "Why didn't you hit me this time?" she asked suddenly and his hand froze.

"I don't do that anymore" he mumbled against her skin "I want to make it right this time" he assured her, looking into her eyes and silently making a promise "My doctor says I'm better"

She nodded and let one of her hands trail down between them, grasping him. His lips parted and she smiled, satisfied with herself. She believed him and would do anything to protect him.

"When you touch me too..." he paused as her nails grazed his skin and he momentarily lost the ability to think "I love it when you touch me"

He kissed her and they switched positions. He was soon on top, looking down at her, those lips that begged attention.

"Do you feel it too?" he asked, not sure how to put into words "When we kiss, real kisses?" she nodded, her eyes darkening and he smiled, like a child with a new toy, before lowering his head slowly and claiming her mouth.

The memories came back to her, flooding her mind and she wasn't even asleep this time. The thing about dreams was that they didn't reveal the whole truth and there was always some distortion, even if it seemed so real...but when she was awake it was different; she knew it was true.

_All the bright __colours faded away and she tried to reach for them, but there was no turning back; they were already gone and darkness surrounded her. As her vision blurred, her other senses came back to life, taking into what was really going on. She realised she was still there, between those walls. The smell of fresh coffee invaded her nostrils and the sound of footsteps approaching reverberated in her ears, along with the sound of her own breathing. She felt another presence, heat emanating from something alive; she instantly knew who it was and opened her eyes, right in time to see him standing near her. She tried to sit up on the bed and he helped, aware of her tied ankles. Carefully, he put an arm around her waist and she felt his heart beating against her arm as he bent down to do so. She trembled slightly and her eyes drifted shut as she took a deep breath, wishing a moment to herself. He sensed the change, or it was the way they were close to each other, and sat on the edge of the bed, beside her, and cupped her cheek with his hand. Their eyes met and she held his gaze, like she had attempted to do many times before. Yet it was different this time. She didn't know for how long she'd been kept there and he didn't tell her when she had asked him. It certainly seemed like a lifetime ago. The life she had before meeting him seemed so far away, almost as if it was just a product of her mind, something that came to her in dreams. His hand left her face and she lowered her head, trying to calm her heart down and the restlessness she felt. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and smiled; she managed to smile as well, using her hands to sit up._

_At some point, she wasn't sure when, he had started to alternate between tying her wrists and her ankles. He'd even let her walk around the place, as must as she was able to while her wounds were still healing. She was allowed to take a shower or a bath and he'd even bought her new clothes. She talked to him, keeping in mind that if he saw her as a person, he wouldn't hurt her again. Moreover, she listened to him and had found out he could be quite talkative. And, above all, she couldn't tell when but she wasn't afraid of him anymore; she liked to think he could be a nice guy. She slept in a real bed now – alone – and it had been a long time since he had last touched her that other way... she wondered if she wasn't interesting anymore and immediately reprimanded herself._

"_Hi" she greeted him, not wanting him to know that she'd been thinking about him. He reached for the mug on the nightstand and handed it over to her, which she accepted with a small nod of the head and a shy smile._

"_Hi" he greeted back, observing her features as she drank the hot liquid. She stared ahead, at her tied and slightly aching ankles, pretending to be not aware of his eyes on her. He'd taken care of her old bruises and she was healing fast – he'd been good to her._

_In fact, he wasn't a bad guy, he just...was different. He told her he liked her and apologised, had been trying to make it up to her since then. She believed him; he looked sincere. However, he had locked her away from the rest of the world and it wasn't right; she knew it wasn't right but he was so lonely and felt so bad about it- he'd told her himself. Was it wrong if she thought he was handsome? Because she did... He'd hurt her before and she'd lost blood. He could be gentle and took care of her. He had a knife and guns, even handcuffs. She didn't miss her life; there were no friends, no family, her father was dead. She couldn't have a life anymore, wasn't allowed to go out. Those two voices battled in her mind, confusing her more and more as the days went by; she didn't know what to think anymore. Part of her remembered the first days, how she thought she hated him. That part missed her liberty, the sea, missed listening to music. The other part of her, however, told her that he truly cared, something her mother didn't anymore. She doubted that they were even looking for her. She had no other option; at least he wanted her there with him. Maybe she just had to understand him, understand his reasons, and she blamed herself for what had first happened to her. He just wanted her with him; she was important to someone. He wasn't that monster she had previously taken him for; no, he wasn't a monster. He just wanted her there; he was a lonely person, never talked about his family. She didn't know if she wanted to leave anymore..._

"_Why are you doing this?" she asked, touching his arm._

"_You wanna leave me?" he asked in response, cupping her cheek with his hand, his fingers brushing against her skin. Her heart skipped a bit at the feel of his fingers and she swallowed hard, feeling nervous and confused. She couldn't explain what was going on inside of her and couldn't give him an answer._

"_I don't think so..." she replied, choosing to say the truth. It must have worked because he untied her ankles and massaged them, making her feel an inward shiver. Her eyes widened in surprise, embarrassed by the thoughts that were currently in her mind. No, this was wrong; he'd done a bad thing!_

"_Breakfast is ready" he said, standing up and taking one of her hands in his. She opened her mouth but didn't know what to say. Where were the handcuffs? She mimicked his action slowly and stood in front of him, looking deep into his eyes, trying to understand the pain in her chest. She furrowed her brow and tugged at his hand as he turned around. He turned back and looked at her._

"_You didn't...how can you be sure..." she tried to find the words there were a million thoughts and they kept slipping away. She looked up at him and for a split second saw something new. Vulnerability._

"_Don't leave me, Madison" was all he said._

She knew she had been the only one and that he hadn't done it to anyone else, but sometimes she found herself believing in her own lies. She'd make sure that everyone was looking for the wrong guy; a serial killer that didn't exist. She had described the wrong person and they'd been running in circles. She couldn't remember everything, not after the accident and the coma, but she needed him, had finally found him and would never let him go.

TBC


	11. Fairy Tales and Real Life I

_Ok. I really need to apologise! I'm very sorry!! I had health issues and am not a 100 % yet but I'm better and trying to work fast. This is the first part of the last chapter and the second part is not finished yet, but I'm working on it! I'd like to thank Aserene, Verity and Genevra. They're amazing!! By the way, I've only finished this because I've been blessed. The Goddess of Fluff really inspired me after her last update :D_

11. Fairy Tales and Real Life I

The first thing she noticed when her eyes lazily opened that morning was the fact that her body ached – a lot, all over. It was like waking up after a fight and her head wasn't helping any. She was almost sure she'd been pretty drunk the night before. As she turned on her side, tossing her long hair, she felt the warmth of his body and looked at his sleeping form. Her eyes drifted down his shoulders and bare chest – skin she's seen many times before in the past. She lowered her gaze to his exposed stomach, all the muscles she remembered were still there and she felt...something she couldn't understand, but it was there. Apparently unaware of her company, he seemed to be in a deep sleep, so she guessed it'd be safe to touch without waking him up. She liked this sleeping form; he seemed to be in peace while asleep. She sneaked her arm around his waist and carefully, moved closer, letting her fingers trail along his ribs. A tiny voice inside her head kept her cautious, foreseeing all her movements. Part of her knew that there was something wrong about this whole thing, but the other part was comprehensive, caring and didn't, or better couldn't, let him destroy himself. She felt responsible for him, because he'd trusted her, back then and now. He'd trusted her, of all people. Though there was something... something she couldn't identify, but it still made her heart constrict whenever she thought about him, and it had her watching her own movements around him. Her head was such a mess and she wanted to believe she knew something – anything – about those around her, and she knew him the most. She couldn't be Kelly anymore; Kelly was dead. Her name was Madison.

Kelly wasn't so sure about those memories, what had happened to her, but they kept coming and going, hunting and confusing her. Why couldn't they go away now? She didn't need them anymore; she'd already found him. He was here and he cared about her. She'd always thought it'd be enough but it wasn't. There was something else bothering her, telling her it was not right. Why couldn't she simply forget that small part of their history and rely on the good moments? She didn't even know if that was true after all. Kelly let out the breath she'd been unconsciously holding. This restlessness she felt around him, that uneasiness inside of her. She was so confused. If she couldn't believe in herself, how could she believe in him? Why was it easier to do the latter? However, she wouldn't let her guard down, not that she didn't want to. Kelly closed her eyes, trying to keep herself from succumbing to the dilemma. They'd been together in that house for months – five months of her life. In the end, it felt like home, the closest to a home she could have. The last remains of Kelly were lost in that place. The innocent girl that still existed inside the rebel teenager had been destroyed, suffocated by the strength that grew inside her. He made her stronger, he taught her to fight, but he also made her feel weak and hopeless and now she needed him because he was the only one capable of understanding her, like she did him. They'd hurt and cried, shared stories and nightmares. He'd taken care of her wounds, but had also inflicted them.

Now that they'd found each other, Kelly knew she'd die; a part of her would definitely die. However, she wasn't sure if she could give up Kelly or Madison entirely. It was like having two different personalities and she couldn't control either of them, but she was as much Madison as she had been Kelly, or even more. The first day of her second life was still very clear in her mind, as it'd been yesterday. She was frightened, wanted to go home and more than anything else, she wanted to be with her father. They'd let her choose her new name and as the good girl she once had been, Kelly had chosen the best name she knew, the name of her best friend, a friend she'd never see again in her life. Sometimes she missed that life so much it hurt, so much she wanted to forget what had been left of her, but it was impossible to go back now. These thoughts only occurred when she was at her worst and felt guilty. Otherwise, it was all about Madison. Kelly was the one that had a temper, while Madison simply didn't care most of the time. Kelly cared for Michael and Madison, the latter had been chasing him for years. Both of them remembered for sure what had happened right before she left the house, before the accident, before the worst fights with her mother, before all the things her mother had said to her, before the baby. She still didn't remember the baby; it was like waking up inside a dream. There were so many things she needed to find out yet and maybe she'd finally feel better after all the questions were answered. Her little boy...was it possible that she'd given birth while in a coma? Had her mother told her the truth?

_She'd been there for long enough to forget why she liked the mornings, enough to forget why she wanted to leave. She wasn't sure how many days had passed since he'd last handcuffed her or tied her ankles, but she asked herself every single day why she couldn't leave him if the door was always open and she was no longer a prisoner. The possibility of leaving him seemed a bit too far away; it was not like she had any reason to do that. Some things she missed – mostly contact with other people - but the rest was fine. Unaware of what she'd been doing, Kelly responded to each aggressive action by creating excuses, remembering how nice he could be most of the time. When he was abusive, he'd give her an excuse and she'd accept it; not because she was trying to fool herself but because she believed it. Everytime he showed what he could really do, she remembered how human he could be, the things he'd told her and how much he cared for her. There was a connection between them – like he'd told her – and she could feel it too now, something that made her heart beat stronger and her senses go on alert. When he was around, she'd hold her breath and look for his approval. If it was another situation, she'd find incredibly ridiculous, but she couldn't help herself. She realised she'd grew too dependent on him and the idea of being left by him made her feel surprisingly anxious. No, he wouldn't leave her; he'd chosen her. She'd do special things for him. Yes, she'd prove he was important to her. She knew he liked her full attention and also talking to her, and he liked her...well, he liked her body. _

_Sometimes he'd touch her, but it was hardly the same as before; it wasn't sexual but affectionate. This new guy was almost shy, or at least that was what she believed when she didn't look into his eyes. That other man she'd met at first was still there, though, and she was a bit afraid of him, afraid of the pain he inflicted. At the same time, she told herself, over and over, that it wouldn't happen again; not after the way his behaviour had changed. It wasn't like he was a murdered or anything; he was just a very confused boy. If she could only find a way to keep him calm, she'd never have to worry again and that could be the best for the both of them. The night before, she'd been in bed, not at all able to sleep, when he knocked on the door, causing her heart to almost stop in her chest. She'd been a little apprehensive but the look on his face was friendly and she tried to look less nervous. Still trying to ignore her rapid heartbeat and her shaken body, her eyes followed his every move, slightly widening as she realised he's stopped right in front of her bed. He had something in his hand that looked like a; he'd never been drunk in her presence before – high? Yes... but not drunk. He smiled at her, something he did very often – she knew all his smiles. He had a beautiful smile, she thought, but dug her fingernails into her palm to push those thoughts away. She watched as he moved further in the room and couldn't help the way her eyes widened and her breath quickened._

"_Do you mind if I sleep here tonight?" he asked, the tone of his voice as honest as it'd always been. She swallowed hard, feeling her heart beating to explosion. Could she really say no? She didn't exactly have an option. She turned around to face him, moving further on the bed; she knew it was what he expected of her._

"_We can talk..." she gathered all her strength to say it and her voice reflected every bit of the nervousness going on inside of her._

_He lied down next to her and smiled sadly, almost tired, and although the room was dark, the proximity of their faces enabled her to see the dark purple bruise on his cheek and his slightly swollen, purple and red eye-lid. It looked like it hurt a lot and the side of his face was red. Much to her own surprise, she found herself wanting to touch him, make him feel better._

"_What happened to your face?" she asked quietly, without even realising what she was doing. For the first time, she looked at him and saw that he was just a boy, probably not more than three years older than her. He was stronger and taller, but she didn't have to be afraid of him, probably not. Maybe he was just as afraid of this whole situation as she was. He smiled, but it was full of sorrow and never really reached his eyes; the most intense eyes she'd ever seen._

"_Boy stuff" he explained, shrugging, his voice sounding small and sad. She'd been with him for too long to ignore his body language, though "We have this urge to show off and prove who's stronger" he tried to smile, but ended up flinching._

_She nodded slowly, lifting her hand absentmindedly and touching the bruised area. He flinched at first but didn't stop her. Her thumb ran along his cheek as her mind told her it wasn't the truth._

"_You're strong enough to me" she said, smiling._

"_I didn't want to hurt you" he said, holding the hand that was still on his face and squeezing it gently. The memories, the feelings, they all faded away when he was gentle and caring; it was like a bad dream and she refused to believe in them._

_She got closer to him and placed a small peck on his cheek, smiling shyly when he looked at her surprised, pretending she couldn't feel the tingle sensation the small gesture left. She rested her head on the pillow again, feeling the nervousness soon dissipate after that "My father" she wiped away a stubborn tear that escaped from her eyes., blinking to keep the rest from falling "he used to do that. It made me feel better" she cursed herself for crying in front of him, but it always happened whenever she mentioned her father._

"_You miss him?" he asked in a whisper and she could only nod as more tears filled her eyes. She felt his hand move up and down her arm, the other doing the same thing to her back, and her eyes were soon closed, needing the comfort. The mattress sank beside her and she felt his arm wrap around her waist, warmth spreading through her body, making her forget the tears._

"_I wish I could miss mine" he said, pressing his front against her back, causing a shiver to run down her spine. His next words tickled her skin, his hot breath touching the back of her neck "I don't need a family, don't need them. I just need you" _

_Her heartbeat increased in response and so did her blood pressure. She tucked a strand of long, dark hair behind her ear in an attempt to pretend her hands were not shaking. His mouth came in contact with her skin and her eyes widened for the hundredth time, one of her hands gripping the pillow as her body tensed. He started to nibble on her earlobe, before taking it into his mouth and licking it. She could feel his breath tickling her skin and how it made her neck much more sensitive._

"_Why are you doing this?" she asked in a whisper, feeling the lamp in her throat as she got more and more uncomfortable._

"_Make me forget what happened" he whispered back, nuzzling her neck "Please" he begged, as the arm that had been wrapped around her disentangled the rest of the sheets off her body. Another shiver made her body tremble and she asked herself why her body's response had changed so much since the last time._

"_I hate him. He's a selfish bastard!" the words came out of his mouth in a wave of anger and she flinched at the tone she'd been exposed to when he'd been at his worst. "I won't be like him. I promise, Madison"_

_She felt her chest tighten and her hands started to tremble. Before she could even realise it, she began to pray silently, the words floating out of order in her mind – it was the first she done it since her childhood. She heard him sniffle and her chest tightened even more. The room was suddenly too hot and small and she felt him press harder against her, causing her to bite her bottom lip._

"_You don't have to be like him" she said quietly as her trembling hands tried to remove his strong ones._

_She'd trusted him and couldn't believe he'd do it again. He's seemed to be such a nice, caring person, but...He sniffled again and his hand left her shoulder to wipe away a tear. He wondered what his dear father would say if he saw him crying; he'd probably punch him to death, but not before the old drunk asshole had done the same with his mother. Dad didn't have to worry; his son would take care of him before that. Unaware of this, she sighed heavily and counted to three to turn around, still not sure if it was a good idea. What she didn't expect was to see his handsome face slightly flushed by the tears that were now escaping from his eyes. All the pleadings she had in mind faded away as she looked at him and she couldn't help but feel sorry for him. She doubted he'd be proud of crying in front of her. She guessed the "he" was his father or some other relative and judging by his actions, that same person was most likely the responsible for his bruised face. Against her better judgement, she held his hand in hers, while the other ran along his cheekbone. He stared into her eyes and she held his gaze. He seemed so innocent, so vulnerable, so lost, that she found herself paralysed, forgetting whatever it was she was going to say. It was like the whole had suddenly stopped moving – or maybe it was her heart – but the night turned quieter. Still, as she felt his hand move to her waist, the spell was broken and her body awakened to her current situation. He leaned forward and the pace of her heart increased, her orbs moving from side to side and her throat closed. By now, the room was impossibly boiling and her temples were throbbing._

_His head approached hers and for a second, it looked like he was going to kiss her, before he lowered it to her shoulder. As his lips touched the exposed skin, she felt very uncomfortable and her stomach flipped. She needed to breathe._

"_Why are you doing this?" she asked again, gasping as his cold hands slipped under her blouse and he grazed the skin of her stomach. He pulled her hair to the side and kissed her neck, letting his hands wander to her back, feeling the goose bumps beneath his open palms._

"_Don't do it" she whispered, loud enough to reach his ears. His response was to lower his hand to the curve of her hips and back to her waist, rolling her onto her back. She looked at him with pleading eyes, but his own sorrow was too evident in his for him to see what was right in front of his eyes._

"_You really have to do it?" she asked quietly, closing her eyes when he kissed along her collarbone. She took deep breaths, but the air didn't reach her lungs. He kept kissing her neck and rested his head against her chest, listening to her heart. She was still asking herself why she couldn't just kick him and run._

"_Do you mind if we do it?" he asked quietly, kissing her chest. She nodded in response, though she knew too well he couldn't see her. She was afraid, very much afraid – but not of him. She was afraid of herself, of the way her body was reacting to his voice and touch._

"_Yes" she managed to say at last, but not really believing it. This was all her fault; he was just a man; it wasn't like he could ignore his desire. She should've stopped him. He kept going and going, passing sensitive spots on the way. He suddenly stopped and she opened her eyes, surprised by how heavy they seemed to be._

_He cupped her cheek with his hand and placed a kiss on the other, nuzzling his way up to her ear "Just relax, Maddie" he whispered, letting his hands drift to take hold of both of her wrists. Pinning them above her head, he carefully straddled her, making sure her legs were securely held together. That was a new feeling, much more personal than it'd ever been. She could feel his weight, the heat of his body._

"_You said you wouldn't hurt me" she said, closing her eyes again as his body pressed against hers and she found it even more difficult to breathe. He let of her wrists, which she didn't move, and reached behind her to unclasp her bra, moving it down but keeping it on._

"_It doesn't look like you being hurt" he whispered and something in his voice caused tears to form in her eyes and soon they were all over her face. He brushed them away, replacing his thumbs for his mouth and it seemed to work; she calmed down but her trembling hands were still there. As if reading her mind, he caught her hands in his and kissed her palms gently, before placing them on his face and running them through his hair. He looked like a predator to her, but she couldn't take her eyes off of him; it was all so confusing. His face was masculine and smooth, with a light stubble that tickled her hands, and his curls were very soft. It was better than she'd imagined. She shook her head. How could she think those things? She'd been the one to seduce him all the time; it was her fault; this was just his reaction. She could have left, but she didn't. She wanted this, right? He'd told her she'd wanted it since the first time. It was true, wasn't it?_

_Still holding her hands, he put them above her breasts, guiding her movements, making them trail down her stomach and drift lower. By now, her heart beat uncontrollably and internal shivers told her it was better to go on. Still, she had a bad feeling and her chest tightened. The room was so hot. His hands were hot, her own were hot, and her skin was also heated; she could feel her own face flushing and her eyes darkening. Her thighs, which had been tightly squeezed together, pressed even harder against each other._

"_I don't think I can" she said, with a shaken and apologetic voice, shaking her head, regretting the sudden weakness that had possessed her. His response was to lie on top of her, carefully not to crush her with his weight, and bite her neck, making her grip the nape of his neck and dig her nails into his skin._

"_You're hurting me" she protested, feeling the pain spreading._

_It didn't have the desired effect, though, and she bit her bottom lip to suppress a cry of pain as he bit hard again. Her other hand gripped his hip, digging her fingernails, trying to push him away, but it only bring him closer._

_He pressed his mouth to her ear and murmured "Of course you can, Maddie" he took her hand in his and used his knee to part her thighs, wrapping his hand around hers and guiding her fingers down. His mouth kissed her through her blouse and her breath quickened as he pressed harder against her "I know I'm not your first. It can be fun for the two of us" he said, letting his tongue lick the thin material. He went back to her neck, lying slightly beside her, with one of his legs between hers to keep them apart. "It only depends on you" he murmured against her skin, between kisses, as he guided her hand southward._

Kelly sighed heavily to calm her heart down as she remembered it. Those were strong memories and she always paused the whole thing as it was about to get more graphical, more painful. However, as dense as it had always been between them, she didn't regret it. That was night was the first time he'd worried about her in bed; their first time in a real bed. The first time they did it together – sort of. At least that night she didn't feel like a piece of meat and realised she had feelings for him – confusing and unstable feelings. Back to the present, she still watched his sleeping form. _So vulnerable, _she thought, as the sharp tip of the knife ran along his chest. Kelly didn't know how, when, or even why, but she had walked to her purse and was now with her knife in her hand, drawing patterns on his chest. She wondered if he'd do it for her – hurt himself like she'd done back then. As she played with the knife, she remembered how she'd woken up the following day alone in bed and hearing voices, strange voices and as she dressed herself in a hurry, somebody opened the door and she found herself face to face with a woman she'd never seen in her life. The police had found her. She didn't know what to do or where he was and if he was fine, but she had to go with them and she didn't want to. Kelly thought nobody would ever accept her as he'd done or care for her as much as him. Later that day, as they tried to contact her mother, she ran away; she tried to, but her body was so weak, so tired and then, there was the car and that was it. She woke up almost a year later, according to her mother – information which she'd confirmed by the doctor years later. That was when all her problems started. She couldn't remember anything, no matter how hard she tried, and her mother kept pushing her, day after day. She said she wanted to help and that she needed to know the truth. Kelly, on the other hand, spent days staring at the wall, missing something she wasn't quite sure what. Her mother told her what happened, that she had given birth to a girl and that was why her body felt strange. Kelly didn't believe it; she'd never heard of giving birth while in a coma. She'd have known if she'd been pregnant, right? Although she didn't want to hear it, she watched her body; the reminiscent was indeed there, but the whole thing was so insane.

Kelly didn't want to see her, but she was so curious and she believed she'd recognise her own child if she saw her. She didn't know if the baby had a name yet, so one day she simply asked Paul - she couldn't have asked her mother – if she could see her. She never understood why her mother would keep the child of a molester, so she thought it was just one more of her lies; a lie that hurt like hell. Paul was a nice guy, but she couldn't stand the way he looked at her, as if his eyes were always apologising. It was like she'd lost her father all over again. It was Paul who told her they'd named the girl Samantha and she nodded, feeling slightly nervous as she saw the crib from afar. She moved hesitantly, not so sure if she wanted to see the girl anymore. However, when the baby opened her eyes and looked at her, she felt very sad and Kelly knew she recognised those eyes and that shade of blue reminded her of something...maybe someone and it made her cry. Two years passed and whenever she was with Sam, she got that feeling and she tried to be with the girl – as a sister and not a mother – but it was so strong and it always made her cry; Kelly couldn't be with her. It was how she started to remember – how they'd met, how she'd ended up locked away from the world - it came to her in dreams, but she knew they were real; they felt real. That was how she tried to find him as those feelings awakened; those confusing and weird feelings. She'd eventually found the place where she'd spent those days, found a gift –a baby, her baby. Surprisingly enough, she remembered this baby, the day he died while still inside of her. She'd never told anything to his father, but it was obvious he'd find out. She'd kept it, as her most precious belonging, and it gave her the motivation to find him – Michael. There was a tiny line between dreams and reality and she always found herself stuck somewhere between the two. She'd learnt how to use guns and other weapons, got help from the CIA agent that had brought them to their new life to find information.

She'd been right about Michael and about her father – she was satisfied now.

* * *

He sat on a chair, looking down at his tightly clasped hands. She noticed he had shaved and cut his hair. The transformation made him look ten years younger and it was like the old days were back. He was dressed for work, which she thought strange because she could swear he hadn't gone to NCIS headquarters that day; she would have remembered it. She simply leaned on the wall and observed him, something she missed doing. As much as she liked the longer hair, she'd missed that face so much. After all this time, he was still a very handsome man, older or not. Even if her drink was Bourbon, she mentally compared him to wine and that had always been her favourite excuse to explain her preference for older men, but the latter was a secret. She wouldn't want a much older guy now, considering she was in her 40s herself, but she had been lucky enough to find an older guy that was immune to time. She loved that face, but right now he was worried, it was all there. However, he wasn't impatient yet, besides the nervous movement of his leg that is. She really doubted he'd reached the point of threatening doctors and nurses. She watched him as he looked at his watch and sighed heavily. He must have cut his hair that morning because he still looked like a pirate when he left the hotel she was ten long years, they had finally slept together, literally slept, and she already felt brand new, more than ready for another day. She hadn't expected him to take the first step, didn't think he'd take any step at all, but she was glad he had.

She couldn't decide if it was the wisest thing to do, but it certainly felt more than right. Seeing worried like that, all by himself, she felt this increasingly urge to go there and kiss him, touch his face, have him in her arms. Just as she tried to control it, she ended up remembering that she could do it now and it made her smile. They wanted a real relationship this time and there was indeed something different there, something that gave her this good feeling. Jenny wasn't proud of those secrets she was keeping from him, but she didn't want to destroy the image he'd built of his family and certainly not tell him she didn't trust his daughter at all, even if she knew he wouldn't approve that. Still, he was here alone and her brain immediately reminded her that she was also alone and she too hadn't said a word about it to him. They had barely started but were already keeping secrets. Old habits. Jenny didn't know if she should worry that he was in a hospital alone and she knew nothing about it. She could always keep walking and ask him or she could pretend she hadn't seen anything and go back to work. Just as Jenny was trying to convince herself it was better to give him time to trust her, her cell phone vibrated and she let out a sign of relief that it was on silent mode; she didn't want to get caught, not now. Reaching for it inside her pocket, she silently asked herself what emergency it could be. She looked at the ID, curious to know how was already searching for her, but smiled as soon as she saw it and was still smiling when she answered the phone. Maybe she'd been just a little paranoid...

"Good afternoon" she said, taking a look at the man himself, wondering if Abby was after all right about his paranormal powers.

He smirked and Jenny would have predicted it even if she couldn't see him "It's good now" he said, smiling to himself "where are you?" his features lost their softness and she thought for a second before answering.

"Just came out of a meeting" she said, telling herself it wasn't exactly a lie "and you?" Jenny couldn't help herself; she was dying to know if he'd tell her or not.

"Um..." he moistened his lips and she saw a sad smile appear on his face. He was trying to decide if she should tell her or not and apparently, having trouble with it "Hospital" he finally said, letting out a deep sigh. Jenny knew that this was hard on him, this turmoil that was going on in his life; no mattered how hard he tried to hide it.

"You hate hospitals. Are you ok?" she asked and they both knew the concern in her voice was more than genuine.

"Yeah" he said, nodding "was going to spend some time with Sam today but she had a high fever, fainted and Shannon brought her to the hospital"

Jenny pressed her lips tightly together and nodded in understanding "Do you think it's serious?" she asked, trying to keep him talking after he didn't continue.

"It can be anything" he said, slightly shrugging "but it's been a long time since I last had a child around" he told her, shaking his head "I'm rusty.."

"Just give it some time" Jenny said, running a hand through her hair, wondering if she could really pretend that he wasn't right in front of her and also not wanting to intrude.

Gibbs nodded slowly, absentmindedly, still unaware of her presence and Jenny heard the silence that hung in the air. Should she or shouldn't she?

"Um..."

"Jen..."

Jenny let out a small laugh and saw that radiant smile on his face. She loved that smile so much; it was to die for and she'd missed it so much that reprimanded that herself to keep from ask him to turn his head so she could take a better look.

"I missed you" she said, almost too shyly, but finally letting it slip out and feeling grateful for it when that smile grew wider. If she could only make him smile all the time, life would be perfect.

"Busy?" he asked, narrowing his eyes, the smile turning into a smirk.

"Not really" she replied, not knowing what answer he wanted; it was up to him and she was going to wait for a sign "I'm trying to decide what I'm doing next" she said, hoping it didn't sound too obvious.

"You know I hate hospitals and all..." Gibbs trailed off and Jenny wondered if it was a hint; she smiled to herself. Things were definitely different this time.

"Do you want me to keep you company while you wait?" she asked, trying to make it sound as a casual offer but at the same time, knowing it was a small gesture that told a lot about what was going on.

"Do you want to be here?" he asked, which made her smile grow a little wider, because that reply was so much like him.

"Yes, I'd like that" she said, letting her words linger in the air, watching as his brow furrowed before her eyes. By now, he was probably asking himself what she wasn't telling him.

"But...?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

"It's nothing. I'll just have to say goodbye to my...friend" she said, not even bothering to hide her smile, but being careful enough to keep it from her voice.

She watched as one of his eyebrows arched, or maybe it was both "This didn't sound very nice..." he said playfully, but he could never hide the jealousy in his eyes and Jenny bet there'd be traces of it if she looked closer.

"No, I'm just looking..." she said "but I have to admit he's got beautiful eyes"

"I'm starting to regret this honesty thing" he said, shaking his head, which made her laugh.

"Well, it's true and he even looks mysterious" she said, glad that her plan was working.

"Jenny..." he warned, but the knowing smile on his face told differently. He knew she was just teasing him.

"Is that a threat?" she asked, taking a few steps towards him before stopping again.

"Maybe..." he replied, and heard her laugh, a sound that was definitely on his Top 5 about her.

"I know you're smiling and probably sat on the waiting area, am I right?" Jenny asked.

"Yes" he said with a nod "doesn't mean you're Holmes. It was obvious"

"Hey, I'm trained for this kind of thing!" she said, feigning to be hurt "I bet you're leaning slightly forward, legs equally slightly parted, propping your right elbow on your thigh. Accurate?"

"Very" he said, letting his eyes wander through the empty room. No, she wasn't there.

"And you may be searching for me because you don't believe I'd know this much" Jenny moved forward, to a spot she was sure was in his line of vision "even if you do know there's nobody else but you there"

"You're sounding more and more suspicious, Jennifer" he said, leaning back in the chair to get a better look at the corridors on both his left and right.

She smirked to herself, biting her bottom lip to suppress a laugh "You only call me Jennifer when you want to tease me"

His eyes finally settled on her, spotting, almost immediately, the vivid red in opposite to the discreet colours around her. Shifting his gaze to her face, he saw that Chesire smile and couldn't help smiling himself. She looked to the right and to the left, probably checking if there was someone in the neighbourhood and looked back at him, slowly blowing a kiss. It had his smile widening instantly and with that bright smile of hers, she winked at him. To him, she looked so adorable in her fancy clothes, with her burning hair and that killer smile and his current thoughts were not actually proper to the place in question. It had always amazed him how someone could look so fragile, yet be so strong. Since her return, she looked even taller, but he knew it was only in his mind. He was positive she looked too good for her own good though. He must have lost himself in those thoughts because she was all of a sudden beside him. All he could do was close his mouth as he looked at her more attentively. Grey pencil skirt and light pink shirt, with those impossible high heels and those taunting lips. She had no lipstick on and her hair was down to her shoulders; that was even more appealing to him.

"Hi" Jenny whispered "You can let it go now" she said, pointing to the cell phone still in his hand.

He loved this, what she did to him, what she made him feel. He'd have to make sure she knew that "Where's your detail? I thought we had an agreement" he cursed himself as soon as the words left his mouth, but he couldn't help himself.

Jenny sighed and opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted by her cell phone "Shepard"

"Bet I know who it is" Gibbs said, causing Jenny to put a hand over his mouth to keep him quiet, moving to stand behind him.

"Don't worry, Cynthia. I'll be there" she assured her assistant as her mind wandered while her thumb caressed the now smooth skin.

"How are you?" she asked after the call was finished, her hands still feeling the smoothness of his face. Gibbs tilted his head to look at her and seemed to think, staring absentmindedly at her before finally shaking his head.

"I don't understand why Kelly isn't here" he said, shrugging "Shannon takes care of Samantha, but she's not her mother" Jenny control the urge to ask him just how much he knew about his granddaughter. She hadn't expected him to know everything but apparently, Shannon hadn't told him _anything._ Jenny wished she didn't have to deceive him but the fear of what a revelation would do to him kept her silent.

"She's young...and must be working. Give her some time. It'll change" she said, not to defend his daughter but to defend him "What about Sam?"

"Shannon and Paul are with her. She'll probably be able to go home as soon as the fever is gone. It happened once to Kelly when she was a child too" he explained carefully, and Jenny knew there was something else bothering him but didn't say anything.

"I'm sure she'll be fine" she told him and Gibbs nodded in response. She let her mind wander, her eyes staring at his mouth as her index ran along his jawline.

"I take it you like the revisited version" he said, referring to her wandering fingers, enjoying the sensation more than a lot. She smiled faintly and trailed her finger to his nose, running along its length.

"You mean I didn't like the pirate style?" she asked with that teasing smirk that made her eyes sparkle.

Gibbs laughed and that sight made Jenny feel a little warmer inside, the smirk on her face turning into a full smile.

"Well, I heard that from Sam too" he admitted "she even asked me if I had a parrot!"

"God bless the children" she said, framing his face with both hands. They stayed like that in silence, just enjoying the other's company when Jenny voice broke the silence "Why don't you go home? There's nothing you can do here".

Gibbs sighed heavily, knowing she was right and he'd been overreacting, but he'd wanted to show he cared. If he did leave, he could have a few words with his daughter and then go back to work.

"Yeah, you coming with me?" he asked, even knowing that she'd most likely decline the offer.

"I wish I could. Cynthia is waiting for me and so is my detail" she said, sighing "but catching up with you sounds very tempting..." she said, smiling wickedly at him, one of her eyebrows arching.

"Yeah, I know the feeling..." he agreed, tilting his head up, her lips meeting his half the way. They let the kiss linger, his hands pulling her down by the arms, while his lips pressed more demanding against hers. He tried to bring her head closer, changed its angle to his advantage. This position wasn't the most comfortable, but having her wrapped around him always produced an amazing feeling.

"Do I have to remind you where we are?" Jenny's voice echoed in his mind, breaking the spell as she broke the kiss, but still keeping her head near enough to nuzzle his neck.

"You're the teaser!" Gibbs defended himself "kissing me like I'm 7, and I'm not even trying to get into your bed, but only into your mouth" her perfume invaded his nostrils and he was temporarily paralysed.

Jenny had to laugh; she couldn't believe what he'd just said. She looked at him in amusement, with that huge grin on her face. She shook her head and cupped his cheek with her hand, pressing her lips against his. Her tongue darted out of her mouth and entered his, intending to give him a sample of what he wanted. She changed her mind though, as soon as she rediscovered just how much chemistry they had and lost herself in him. Lips and tongues worked with passion and hunger, not able to stop the feelings that had been hidden for so long. Those lips were so smooth, with such an amazing taste. It was a new flavour that wakened every cell in their bodies and it was hard to stop, but Jenny fought against her own reactions, pulling away from him, realising only then that her heart was to the point of exploding and her hand firmly planted on his neck.

"Sometimes you can be sooo romantic, Jethro" Jenny told him, kissing his lips gently once more before pulling away or at least trying to do so; his hold on her was as firm as he it could be considering his position.

"You're not taking care of me" he said, shaking his head "If it keeps like that, I want the divorce"

"Well, too bad we're not married then" she said and stood up, not before squeezing his shoulders. He lifted one of his hands and pointed to his neck, guiding her hand.

"It seemed to work for the other three though..." he muttered under his breath.

"I'm more stubborn than them all together" she said, leaning closer to his ear "besides, I always get what I want" she whispered in his ear, grazing the skin on the back of his neck with her nails, getting more than a little satisfied by the involuntary movement of his body. Her cell phone vibrated and Jenny sighed.

"Seems you're happy to see me..." he said, letting her see that smirk she knew so well, the one that reminded her that he could be pretty annoying.

"Jethro, you're so funny!" she told him, biting her bottom lip as her hand connected with the back of his head and her eyes widened in surprise as she realised what she'd just done.

"Hey!" he protested, turning around with narrowed eyes. She suppressed a laugh as he stared at her.

"I have to go" she said, suddenly feeling very eager to get back to her office.

"You can run now" he called after her "but I'll get my hands on you!" Gibbs watched her retreating form, the red hair, the swaying hips and the laughter – she'd got him wrapped around her little finger. He felt a bit like DiNozzo...

An unexpected cough had him turning slowly back and if he wasn't Leroy Jethro Gibbs, he'd have blushed – for anyone who'd just arrived, he was talking to himself. He turned around, wearing his most serious expression, looking every bit the self controlled man he was known as. His gaze met three very amused faces; Shannon had an eyebrow arched, Paul was trying very hard to hide a grin and Samantha seemed much better, but very confused. She cocked her head to one side, shifting her gaze between Gibbs and the empty space. He didn't say anything but stood up and they approached.

Samantha leant forward from where she was settled in Paul's arms, like to whisper a secret "The walls never answer..." she said, looking at him very serious and shaking her head.

Gibbs was temporarily confused but decided to play along, leaning closer to her as well "Yeah! Weird, isn't it?"

She nodded vehemently and her eyes widened like she had finally found someone who understood her and above all, the person was an adult. She turned to look at Paul and patted his chest with her little hands. The man in question put her down carefully and she walked to Gibbs, waiting for him to crunch down as she got closer. Samantha put her hands on his knees and looked at him.

"I made eyes and a nose" she whispered, pointing to each one on her face "and a mouth...but the wall didn't talk"

Gibbs nodded in understanding, thinking that maybe the girl would be easier to approach them the others and relieve at how comforting it seemed to be. He was surprise at how friendly and talkative she'd been, not at all the girl Shannon had described.

"You can always talk to me if you want" he offered, touching the tip of her nose.

"You're very old?" she asked innocently, looking at his hair. Children are so sincere sometimes; he'd almost forgotten that. Memories of Kelly asking the same thing to his father and a comparison to a dinosaur had him chuckling.

"How old you think I am?" he asked, curious to know what she'd compare him to.

She folded her arms and looked at him up and down. He thought it very cute, something she'd probably learnt from Shannon.

"Veeery old" Samantha replied "and you are big" He laughed, shaking his head, which made her smile. He was indeed much older and taller than her.

"I'm not that old..." Gibbs replied "I can play with you"

"You looked old yesterday" she said, still looking at him suspiciously.

"You think I'm better now?" he asked, and she nodded "I may not be a pirate, but I do have a boat. Do you like boats?"

Her eyes lit up, the bright blue so much like his own sparkling "Where?" she asked, ignoring his last question, the excitement evident in her voice.

TBC


	12. Fairy Tales and Real Life II

_God, it's been almost a month!! Hmm, I have good news and bad news. The bad news...this isn't the last part as I expected and there isn't much Jibbs here. Good news...this is the longest so far, I'm working on the next part and there'll be more Jibbs soon. If you're still reading this, thanks for your patience!! ;)_

12. Fairy Tales and Real Life II

_It didn't feel the same; nothing felt the same. She'd lost interest in everything and spent most of her days secluded in her bedroom. She couldn't discern between what was real and her dreams and whenever she looked at Samantha, her chest tightened, her hands trembled, her throat threatened to close and her temples throbbed. She'd also experienced the strangest sensations while asleep, as waking up but not being able to move and the feeling of a weight on her chest; when she was finally able to move, she was so afraid that couldn't sleep anymore. The weird dreams were still there too, but now she knew they weren't dreams; and she was afraid. If Kelly hadn't believed her mother at first, now she knew it was true, and it made things even more confusing than before. The constant blur was slowly dissipating and she remembered his scent, how she felt dirty and empty when he was done and how she'd hated him; it made her cry, days and nights. She'd hide in her bedroom and cry, until she was very exhausted and fell asleep. Kelly spent most of her days like a ghost, trying to relive the past and find what was missing and as a ghost, she felt the old injures ache, even saw them. She couldn't stand to look at her mother and her lovely husband. It didn't take long for her to start hurting herself; the first time was an accident, but she really believed it'd help her remembering. There was a second time and a third, and so on. She felt incredibly lonely and whenever she hurt herself like she could remember he'd done, his smile floated before her eyes and it reminded her of how her resistance only drew him closer. She remembered how everytime he'd beat her, kick, use his belt and knife and then he'd say he was sorry; she remembered how painful the first time was, how crazy he seemed to be and how much she prayed he'd kill her soon._

_However, while she remembered the monster, she couldn't feel the monster. It was like knowing two extreme and independent opposites of the same person. It wasn't the one who made her feel lost that she saw when her eyes closed. Nonetheless, it was still him. She'd felt so confused before. It was all so unbelievable and surreal. Something told her that man she saw in her dreams didn't want to hurt her, that there was more to him than she could remember, and she needed to know. God, she needed to find out who he was. There was something Kelly wasn't ready to admit to herself and she expected he'd help her to do so. It was still uncertain to her why she trusted the man if it was now clear that he had indeed done everything her mother had accused him of doing. To make matters worse, she got really angry whenever someone accused him of anything. It felt weird, but she wanted to protect him. For some unknown reason, she treated him like a loved one and she had no idea why. Her brain never stopped screaming and her skull was about to break as the pain got worse. She got used to feel anxious all the time and was once more afraid of the darkness, but she couldn't help feeling that someone was watching her and she could do nothing to prevent it. In spite of it all, her life was slowly returning to what it used to be – at least apparently. She missed her father so much; it was like losing him again. He was the one who knew her and made all her problems seem smaller and transient. She knew her mother was lying; her father was alive and she'd find him. Her life was this big mess and she was tired of it all. She spent most of her time sleeping, or trying to sleep, because she'd lost all her strength; and it seemed like the only thing she could do. _

_It was more than pain; it was suffering. No mattered what they said or did, it was so hard. Her mother wanted her to go to therapy but she wasn't ready for it; she'd never come back after the first two sessions; mainly because she didn't trust her therapist. The woman said she was there to help her and to be her friend. Friends don't need to be paid to listen to you! Kelly seriously thought about telling the woman to mind her own business, but it was much easier to never come back again. It wasn't like she was crazy or something; she was fine! She wanted to run away from all of them; they were like shadows constantly pushing her to be someone she wasn't. God, she was suffocating! It was all so claustrophobic! She didn't want to share anything; the details were only hers. Why couldn't they understand that?! She wondered what he was doing in that exactly moment; if he was also in bed and...if he was thinking about her. She didn't even want to cogitate that he'd found someone else – stronger, more beautiful – and had forgotten her. That would be too much. He'd said he loved her and she was wasting her time –their time. She didn't want to lose him; she didn't want him to stop loving her. She wanted to be with him. She sighed heavily, recognising the signs of yet another sleepless night. It was time to find him, or else she might end up really crazy. She closed her eyes again, determined to get some sleep, but that restlessness was there and she was afraid. It was silly – she was too old for that – but she felt like there was someone else there and she didn't want to move, nor open her yes. Even though she was afraid of what she'd see if her eyes were indeed open, there were still the images in her mind that couldn't be turned off, and these were even worse, uglier and more terrifying._

_Kelly left her room and went to the kitchen, being careful to turn on all the lights she found on the way before she walked any further. This was getting pathetic. If she was so afraid of the darkness, she wouldn't be able to do anything else and if she really wanted to find him, she'd need help. That's why she gathered all the strength she had left and pretended everything was fine and she was over it. Ignoring the internal tremors going on inside her, Kelly took a deep breath and closed her eyes before reaching for the last light switch, Seconds, minutes and hours passed by, but she could only stare at all the objects surrounding her. There was something wrong with that house; she'd never really liked it. She cried, the tears running vigorously down her face and she eventually realised what she was doing and slowly wiped it away. Not exactly knowing why she was crying, the tears kept coming and it was a good feeling. Nothing was going right in her life and all she did was cry all day. Deep inside her, she wanted to make it work; she wanted her mother to be her friend but it was so hard and above all, she still wanted her father by her side. He wouldn't be like the others; he wouldn't suffocate her. Gradually, the tears ceased and she wiped her nose and waited patiently till the headache was gone. Walking to the kitchen table, she sat on a chair and leaned forward, propping her head on her hands, waiting for it to stop. It all seemed so grey, so lifeless. Nobody in that house smiled anymore and it didn't help any. She looked at the small creature in front of her and felt generous tears running down her cheeks. He was swimming, dreaming forever; at least he looked peaceful and protected._

"_Dad, I miss you" she whispered to the silence as the tears blurred her vision. _

_

* * *

_

Gibbs drove his car slowly, still thinking about Samantha. He had a granddaughter! The man that had been alone for so many years, without any traces of a family. Samantha was already four years old; he wished he hadn't missed her first words, her first steps. Also, her age meant that Kelly had her while she was still very young – twenty years old. It wasn't clear to him why Kelly had left Samantha with Shannon and he didn't like it. He'd imagined her life would be very different from the one he was witnessing and he wondered if it was his fault, his absence. So many secrets and silent signs that she wasn't fine and there wasn't a single solution in mind; she had the annoying habit of disappearing whenever he asked about her life. Gibbs himself had never been a talkative person, but he felt the need to do so now. After all, it was his own daughter turning into a younger version of himself. If she wouldn't listen to her mother, he'd make sure she listened to him. She was old enough to take full responsibility for her actions and her daughter was the most important of them. He'd noticed that the little girl changed when Shannon was around, being less talkative and following the older woman's every movement with her eyes. He had so many things to ask, but nobody was willingly to answer; if only he had the right opportunity... He couldn't help but feel like an intruder, thinking there was no space in their lives for him. In his head, he tried to get used to Paul being Shannon's husband, Kelly being an adult and Samantha being Kelly's daughter; and it was weird. Maybe because the Shannon he knew was dead and his little daughter was gone. They'd told him they needed time to readjust and he was finally able to agree with them, ready to admit the same applied to him.

He still couldn't believe he had not only missed part of Kelly's childhood, her teenage years and early adulthood, but he'd also known nothing about her pregnancy. He let out a bitter laugh, because that was the only thing he could do. None of them had mentioned who the father was and Gibbs could only imagine how Kelly had reacted to the news of being a single mother. _It's all Shannon's fault. _She could have told him, at least if she'd wanted to – but she clearly had been better living without him. He should have been told; he had the right to. After all, it was as much his life as theirs. It'd have saved so much trouble, sorrow and pain. He really wished he could get even angrier at her, but he couldn't - not after all they'd been through. His anger was his selfishness speaking, but it was better than pretending he didn't care. At least now he could make sure they were fine, as that guilty he'd been feeling since forever left his system, and it even made the world look so much better and full of possibilities. It was almost a good feeling. Something was still wrong though; he could feel it in his gut; and it was what had him following her – thanks to McGee and his toys. Maybe he'd finally find out what she was hiding this time. Kelly wouldn't be happy about it, but he had to do it; even if it was just to make sure he'd been wrong. He was so busy predicting her reaction that almost missed her car parked outside a house. He noticed it was a nice neighbourhood and that there was another car parked near hers. He grabbed his cell phone and hit the speed dial, thankful that she'd given that small information to him. It rang once and twice, each time making him more impatient. Phone in hand, he looked at the door; he couldn't simply break in this time.

"Kelly" he knocked on the door once, twice. It was like the house was empty.

"Kelly" he called again, louder this time.

Inside the house, Kelly panicked for a moment, but immediately let out a deep sigh after she remembered that Michael was working in the study and thanks to some merciful miracle, he'd probably not heard it; she didn't know if she was ready for those two to meet yet. Deep down, she knew why but it was still difficult to accept it. If it was true, she was making a huge mistake. Her heart jumped slightly quicker everytime her father knocked on the door, and it took her more than a few minutes to actually walk towards the door. Suddenly, she realised it couldn't happen; they couldn't know about Michael. Her eyes moved frantically, her throat constricted and she swallowed hard. Her trembling hands let the scissors slip off her fingers and fell to the floor. She looked at her own reflection in the mirror, cleaning her shirt with her hands; at least half of her hair was gone and it now grazed her shoulders.

"Kelly! We need to talk!" her father's voice echoed through the place and against her better judgement, she dragged herself to the door.

She didn't want to lie to her own father, not to him; but there was no other option. She didn't want to see that same look they used to give her on his face. She was more than fine, but he wouldn't understand it, would he?

"Sorry, I was reading" she said as the door was opened. Gibbs glared at her silently, making it very clear he didn't believe her lame excuse. As he stood there in front of her, she sighed and ran a hand through her hair, already feeling the difference in its weight. Her hand's movement attracted his attention to the shorter hair cut and Gibbs narrowed his eyes. Apparently, he wasn't the only one with a new style.

"You cut your hair" he said, indicating it with his head. It was Kelly's turn to glare, noticing only then that he'd done the same. She looked at him intently, studying the now visible lines in his face. She could finally recognise her father and it felt like a punch; it brought back memories. Her heartbeat quickened and her vision blurred as her body weakened and she almost collapsed on the floor. Luckily, his arms prevented her from falling.

"Kelly, I can't help you if you don't talk to me" his voice was full of concern and a sense of urgency.

"I don't need help" she said, confident but still feeling unable to think straight. It must have showed in her voice because the next second Gibbs allowed himself in and guided her to the couch. She complained and attempted to shrug him away at first, but her father was just as stubborn and stood by her side as if she was a child once more.

"I'm fine" she said, a little louder.

With his help, she sat down and he noticed how she'd paled. Kelly took deep breaths, feeling not at all able to get as much oxygen as her body needed. The more he looked, the more he worried about her. Not being able to know what was going on with her was driving him crazy and furious and if she didn't tell him herself, he'd find it on his own.

"Kelly, what's wrong?" Gibbs asked, holding one of her hands tightly while the other cupped her cheek to force her to look at him. In that moment, even if for just a few seconds, he felt closer to her than he'd done since her return. She seemed to be a strong woman, but it was his little girl he saw everytime he looked at her.

Kelly shook her head slowly "I'm fine...just a bit dizzy" she closed her eyes to stop the headache and the spinning objects around her.

"You look pale" he said as he studied her face, ignoring her feeble attempts to send him away. His hand pulled her hair away from her face and he let it rest under her chin, carefully lifting her head to examine her eyes. She held his gaze for as much time as she could and every second seemed like hours. It was too much and she couldn't help but look away; she couldn't stand his eyes on her anymore.

The memories made her dizzy, with all their voices and faces. They kept calling her name over and over; it was hard to concentrate when he was looking at her, as his face brought memories she'd taken for extinct. She heard laugh, giggling, saw children running and playing. The colours turned brighter, the sounds clearer; it was all coming back now. Slowly, she saw those faces, the ones that didn't belong to that place, to that occasion. They were crying, with their sad eyes and silent pleas; they were not supposed to be there. They all disappeared as soon as she heard the voice calling her name. It was hard to describe what she felt when it reached her ears, the mixture of pain and affection. She wanted to run away from it, but was unconsciously getting closer. It sounded familiar, almost like a song heard many times before and memorised. Louder than the voice, there were children laughing but she couldn't even imagine what could be so funny. The images though...the two children were both girls and Kelly knew them more than she knew herself. She could almost see the blonde girl and there was no doubt it was Maddie – the real one. They seemed so carefree and innocent. Just like a movie, the camera changed its position and she saw her mother's face. The older woman was smiling, observing the girls, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. Maybe it was why her mother had always been a mystery to her; it seemed like she'd been keeping a secret all along, something she refused to share with anyone else. When she was teenager, Kelly got to know a very different woman; someone more determined, less passive, more stubborn; and although she'd never admit it, she preferred the latter. It meant her mother was as human as her and just as real. She rubbed her eyes and sat up, wishing she could be different from that woman, that she didn't have to pretend to her father that she was someone else.

Unaware of what was going on inside Kelly's head, Gibbs watched as her hands turned into fists, her breath became erratic and how tired she looked. Kelly took a deep breath and allowed her gaze to meet his. It was father she was talking too; he was finally here.

"Kelly, what's going on?" Gibbs asked, sounding more concerned than he'd intended to. It actually reminded Kelly of her childhood and was like she was a girl again. Pushing Madison aside, she let Kelly get closer to her father, wrapping her arms around his chest, feeling more nervous than when she first saw him. Gibbs put his arms around his daughter and hugged her tightly. His warmth enveloped her, a faint smell of sawdust that reminded her of the boat, the basement, her childhood. She couldn't help but ask herself what he'd say if he found out about everything, because she had a bad feeling about this possibility. His hand moved up and down her back and she let herself relax for a few seconds.

"I missed you, dad" she whispered, afraid of her own admission. She played with the idea of telling him she loved him but that was just too much. She didn't understand the whole love thing, but she knew she felt stronger around him.

He tightened his arms around her in response, wanting to protect his little girl from whatever it was that scared her. Of course it'd help if he only knew what he was dealing with. He could ask her, but really doubted she'd tell him. Like he did every single day in his job, he'd have to get her to trust him. They emerged in a deep silence, both lost in the past and getting used to the other's presence. He dropped a kiss on her hair, remembering all the details of what she'd told him about her. It wasn't much, but he had to try. Slowly, she pulled back; already feeling more relaxed than she had in years.

She dropped her head to her chest for a moment and concentrated on Madison; it was enough of Kelly for a day. Gibbs studied her carefully, trying hard to solve the puzzle in his head. That was his daughter and he couldn't bring himself to help her out, even with all the experience in solving crimes. He lifted one of his hands slowly and let his index rest under her chin, bringing her eyes to the same level of his, thankful when she didn't fought back. Still, he noticed the difference in her now impartial eyes. He'd lost her again. Whenever he was close to get through her defences, she pulled back and the mask was slipped back on.

"We should spend more time together" he said, as his gaze drifted from her face to her arms and back to her neck. He counted three purple spots and he knew too well what they meant. Kelly swallowed hard under his gaze, the look she gave him silently asking him not to mention it. That was a conversation of no interest to her. Silence fell upon them, as they stared at each other.

"That'd be nice" she agreed, looking into his eyes "We can talk about it later"

Gibbs recognised her last words as her way of sending him away. He had something else in mind though...

"You've been sleeping here?" he asked, letting her know that he was too aware of her midnight escapes. She stared at him and Gibbs stared back. Kelly narrowed her eyes and nodded once.

"Something you wanna tell me?" he tried again, arching an eyebrow.

"No" she replied immediately, every bit the confident woman she was around others.

"What about the car?"

"What about it?" she asked, narrowing her eyes as she suddenly remembered that Michael was still in the house and they were sat a few walls away from his ears. Gibbs glared at her, looking from head to toe. His fingers closed around her wrist and she flinched. Gibbs pressed his lips tightly together and let go of her arm. He opened his mouth but the words died on the way; things couldn't be as bad as he was imagining. No, his daughter was too smart to let it happen.

"It's not what you think" she said, as if reading his thoughts.

"He knows you come with a package?" he asked, staring deeply into her eyes. Kelly moistened her lips and felt her heart skip a beat. It must be just another nightmare...

"Who's the guy?" her father asked, his voice sounding a fraction more impatient.

"An old friend" she replied quietly, after what seemed like hours, looking into his eyes as if daring him to say anything.

"Old like...Samantha?" Gibbs asked, his eyes widening for a second, his voice showing he was still annoyed "You were with him when your daughter passed out?"

"What?" the sound of her voice seemed to echo inside her head and she tilted her head to look at him. That girl wasn't her daughter. She didn't remember giving birth to another child after him...

"Samantha needs a _mother_, Kelly" Gibbs said, leaving no room for discussion "She's _your _responsibility and not your mother's"

Kelly folded her arms across her chest, while she regained her stability. She was definitely not in the mood for talking and fighting with him wasn't in her plans either.

"You've been on vacation for almost five years. It's time to be there for her" he said, having barely started the lecture "She's been calling your mother's husband 'daddy' and this is wrong! Can you imagine how confused she may be?"

Kelly felt her temples start to throb, the beginning of a strong headache. She didn't want to talk about anything now; he was wasting his precious time. She considered getting him angry and hoping it'd be enough to make him leave but it wasn't a good idea. She imagined her mother's face as Samantha said that simple word – priceless. Still, she surprised herself by the sudden desire of being there herself. If she was indeed the girl's mother, it meant Michael was even more connected to her. If she was a mother, he was the father; she wasn't ready to be a mother. Her only child was dead and she looked at him every day. She could be his mother, but another child... Her fingers rubbed her temples and she fixed her gaze on his face; Gibbs had frozen and was currently staring at her. Feeling fully recovered from nostalgia, Kelly stood up and sighed heavily.

"What's his name?" he asked all of a sudden, causing her to turn around almost immediately. His eyes nearly missed the mix of emotions that passed through her face, but it'd been there for less than a second.

Kelly felt like an animal trapped in a cage; was it apprehension or fear she didn't know. He needed to leave. He couldn't be there. No, she should've never let him in. She shook her head, as her feet unconsciously paced up and down the room. She shook her head again, thinking of Michael's reaction and then her father's reaction and Jenny...did Jenny know?

Gibbs watched his daughter, observing how she shook her head nervously and how her feet moved quickly. He was astonished and his jaw may have dropped but he still found it intriguing. There was something about this 'friend' that wasn't right. Minutes passed before he finally stood up and grabbed her by the shoulders. Kelly tried to pull away but he tightened his grip until she looked at him. Her eyes were as cold as ice and her face hid all the emotion he'd seen there. He didn't even know this man but his first impression was definitely not good. Could he be Samantha's father? A past boyfriend that had abandoned her? It'd make sense... but why was Kelly so nervous about it? Shannon had said she didn't know who the father was.

"What did he do to you?" he asked quietly

Two silent tears ran down her face but she quickly turned away as soon as she sensed them coming. She wiped them away quickly; hoping he wouldn't see it, hoping he wouldn't say anything. She didn't even know what they were about to begin with._ Stop it, _she told herself. It worked; it was like it'd never happened. When she looked back at him, Gibbs didn't noticed what had happened but eyed her suspiciously.

"He didn't do anything!" she said vehemently "He loves me, dad" she added quietly.

Gibbs sighed heavily, never taking his off her. He stared at her, looking into her eyes, searching for a lie. However, he decided he had to trust her; it was her life. Something had definitely happened but it could be just a fight or something else he didn't want to think about. Shaking his head slowly, he reached for his wallet.

"You better be sure of it or I'll kill him" he said, lowering his head to look for something she guessed was a photograph of her...she couldn't say it. She knew he was serious about Michael though and it made her heart skip a beat. He couldn't do it.

"You would never think of killing him if you knew how much he means to me" she said quietly, hoping he'd lift his head and look into her eyes to see it was true.

Gibbs didn't move though, but handed her what she had already expected. At first, she refused to look, keeping her eyes on him instead. He motioned to the picture and they stared at each other before she finally lowered her head, which didn't mean she was looking at it. She knew he knew it too because in the next instant his index was right there; against her better judgement, she focused on the photograph. She saw a girl lying on her stomach on the floor, surrounded by pencils and paper. Her long loose curls spread out around her and she smiled for the camera, though it wasn't a natural smile and it somehow made Kelly feel uncomfortable. The girl's hair...it was his colour. She looked at the girl's eyes – blue eyes; not her shade. It was darker than hers, as dark as his. She was able to see him in her eyes. Maybe it was why she used to cry back then. She'd given birth to that girl... Samantha was his daughter. She reminded her of Michael. She was so cute. Was Sam really hers?

"She seems to be a sad girl" she whispered to herself.

"Maybe you can put a real smile on her face" he suggested, handing her an address "Keep the picture until you see the real one"

All Kelly could do was stare at the girl and then at the address. She'd grown up so much and was so beautiful now, but why couldn't she remember? Her father would never lie to her, of that she was sure; but she didn't remember. She had a daughter! What would Michael say about it?

"You coming home tomorrow?" he asked, causing her eyes to concentrate on something other than the objects related to the girl.

She nodded slowly "I'll be there"

Gibbs looked at his daughter and nodded, reaching out for her hand. Kelly was surprised by the gesture and when he squeezed her hand, she felt her eyes fill with tears. His other hand cupped her cheek and she looked at him, squeezing his hand in return.

"Tell him. If he does love you, he'll want to know about his daughter" he said quietly, dropping a kiss on her forehead.

* * *

Jennifer Shepard sat on her chair, staring at the letters in front of her. It was getting easier to solve the puzzle but it didn't mean it was getting any less complicated. It only made things worse that she couldn't get it out of her system and there was nobody she could talk about it. After hours of conversations with other agencies, detectives, the police and so on, she was tired. She'd read everything they had about Kelly but she didn't have a name yet. She learnt that Kelly had been with him for almost twelve months and nobody expected to see her alive again when they received an anonymous call and found her. He had already left, but she refused to go with the Rescue Team and ended up running away from them. It took another couple of days to find her again, and to know that she'd been hit by a car and left lying unconscious in the street. Nobody knew she was pregnant at first, had been for three months. She was thinner and paler but still recognisable and was soon taken to the hospital.

"What happened next?" Jenny asked the woman in front of her. The woman moistened her lips and lowered her head, closing her eyes and opening them again. She could tell it was hard to remember everything, go through it again, but they both knew that it was necessary.

"The first time I saw my daughter she was sleeping. I'd convinced myself that she was dead but she was there. They'd found her but when I saw her, I wished she was dead" Shannon told her "he'd beaten her and there were a few cuts here and there" Shannon paused, sniffing "she looked so fragile, so helpless. I just wanted her to wake up... but the scene would repeat itself for another year and I was there with her every single day" she took a break and looked at Jenny "When the doctor found out about the pregnancy, he asked me what I'd like him to do" Shannon pressed her lips tightly together as memories of Kelly lying in a hospital bed came to her. It'd been all her fault, if only she'd been there when she needed a mother...

"She was already more than three months along and I..." she shook her head, biting her bottom lip "that son of a bitch got my daughter pregnant...and that thing was growing inside of her! I couldn't give the doctor an answer and he gave me more time to think" the tears filled her eyes and Jenny blamed herself for making Shannon relive everything. The woman's face was a mix of anger and sadness but Jenny couldn't even imagine what the other woman felt. She left the chair behind her desk and walked towards Shannon, sitting beside Jethro's first wife.

"After that I refused to look at my own daughter and I didn't want to think about what was going on inside of her" she said quietly "It was the second time in my life that I had to make a choice about Kelly's life and... the first one didn't go so well. Jethro would never let this happen, he'd protect her – like I was meant to" she lifted her head and moistened her lips again "Well, I asked the doctor what was best for Kelly and he told me we should keep the baby there and see what nature would do. Have you ever taken care of someone in a coma, Jenny?" she asked, her warm brown eyes looking deep into Jenny's green ones.

Jenny smiled sadly and nodded slowly "Yeah, you know Jethro...he obeys his own rules"

"Jethro?!" Shannon looked at her in disbelief, her eyes wide and her jaw dropped "I had no idea..."

"It was fast but not his first" Jenny explained, not willing to give any more details. She was not going to say that he'd woken up asking about his family and...

Her cell phone ringing in her pocket interrupted her last words and Shannon looked at her expectantly. Jenny looked from the woman in front of her to the ID, but she couldn't choose between one of them.

"Go ahead" Shannon said, needing some time to think. She was telling someone else about her side of the story and she was more than thankful that someone wanted to even hear it.

Still, Jenny wasn't so sure. It was neither the time nor the place to have that conversation, but she couldn't just let the other person waiting for her.

"Shepard" Jenny noticed that Shannon had turned her head to the other side, observing her office to give Jenny some space. It was good; the last thing she wanted was for Shannon to hear it.

"I need a DNA test" the person told her and the voice was soon replaced by the silence. Jenny understood what it meant and she knew it had something to do with Jethro.

"Jenny?" Kelly's voice wasn't as confident as she remembered.

"We'll need samples to compare" Jenny said "Why don't you come here and we see about the rest?"

Kelly thought about it for a second and sighed heavily. She had a hand on her forehead, questioning the sudden interest her father had brought up inside of her. Did she really want to know?

"You're not alone, are you?" Kelly asked, feeling necessary to change the subject.

"Not really" Jenny replied, not at all comfortable in Shannon's presence while talking to Kelly "I'll talk to you later"

Shannon was staring into space when Jenny placed a hand on her shoulder. She smiled sadly and turned to look at Jenny "There was nothing more disturbing than seeing my daughter asleep, oblivious to what was around her, while her body changed. It was horrible...I'll never be able to forget it. I didn't know why or how but that thing kept growing inside of her" her eyes filled with tears again but she was too determined to keep them to herself "she couldn't wake up but her body was very much awake and it didn't take long for her to start showing. I really wanted to be there but I just couldn't stand it...as the months passed by, I saw the swelling belly and the change in her breasts"

Shannon shook her head, lost in the memories that seemed so real like they were the present "She got bigger and...the baby was growing and kicking and all I could think about was why I let it happen. It wasn't my daughter's baby. It was his baby, the man who hurt her, who took her away from me" Shannon let her head drop to her chest and spoke quietly "It was like a horror movie...cadavers don't give birth but it was the only thing I could think of. Kelly was almost dead but the baby was alive and whenever I looked at my own daughter, I saw a man I'd never even met. Those were the thoughts in my mind when she went into labour and I prayed the child would born dead" there was a pause and Jenny was too absorbed in what the other woman was telling her to intervene; it was clear she wasn't proud of what she'd done.

"Well, the child was born perfectly normal and healthy, I really wished I could hate her but...they told me it was a girl and I was relieved. I'd let the baby die if it'd been a boy" she sighed and ran a hand through her red hair "they brought her to me and as the nurse approached with the baby in her arms, I had a million thoughts in my mind and had no idea what to do. I really wished I could hate her but she was so small and I could see Kelly in her, which doesn't make sense at all... Samantha was so pink, almost red, and was almost completely bold. Suddenly, she wasn't that man's daughter. She was just a baby that needed someone. Those chubby cheeks, she was so ugly!" a shadow of a smile appeared on her face and Jenny found herself smiling as well.

"I had to take care of her and it gradually became less difficult. That was Kelly's daughter; I had to take care of her. She became a beautiful baby, with blonde hair and the most impossible blue eyes. The most beautiful baby girl I'd ever seen. I didn't want to take the baby home without Kelly but I had to, and she seemed to know there was something missing. I couldn't be her mother and she cried and cried" a single tear ran down Shannon's face and she quickly wiped it away, which was soon followed by another "She wouldn't stop crying and I cried too, for the three of us. If it wasn't for Paul...he fell in love with Samantha; he even chose her name! She was seven months when Kelly woke up and as she came back home, we tried to make the two of them have some time together; but we didn't expect Kelly's amnesia. It was like she'd never disappeared and she couldn't accept the truth" Shannon paused and sighed. Jenny stood up and the other woman watched her intently as she came back with a glass of water. She smiled as she accepted it and Jenny noticed the unshed tears in her eyes.

"Paul took care of Samantha while I helped Kelly, or at least tried to...She has Jethro's stubbornness. Her physical recovery was fast, contrary to what we expected, and she was soon fully recovered. She couldn't remember anything and was surprised whenever she saw a new scar in her body. She got angry because of that and extremely impatient, spending most of the time alone. She was there but her mind was somewhere else" Shannon closed her eyes and seemed to be reliving the moment "Once I caught her crying and she refused to talk to me for days. It happened more than once though and she always pretended nothing had happened. I tried telling her truth but she yelled at me and called me a liar" she ran her hand over her eyes, tired of her life, of everything "Kelly became very introspective and no matter what I did, no one could help her. It was fight after fight and one day I simply gave up. I could do nothing if she wouldn't listen to what I had to say. However, she was better and would even look after Samantha when Paul asked her to do so. Actually, it seemed to make things even worse because Kelly cried when she looked at Samantha, and looked sad and ashamed at the same time. I couldn't blame the girl, she was as much a victim as her mother, but Kelly's sadness broke my heart and I just couldn't be the perfect grandmother knowing what the baby did to my daughter"

"Most people wouldn't be as strong as you" Jenny said quietly and squeezed Shannon's hand. She nodded in return.

"It doesn't mean I did the right thing..." she said, shaking her head "Eventually, they became friends and one day they were giggling together. Needless to say, it stopped when Kelly saw me. I could swear she was angry because I had accused him and called him a monster. When she finally started to remember and detectives asked about him, she said he'd never hurt her and there was no reason for them to be searching for him. It took a lot of persuasion but she gave them a description. At home, she pretended to be fine but she had changed so much...was more aggressive and quiet, wouldn't sleep. She had nightmares almost every night but she dealt with them by herself because 'it was her life'. I had no idea how much she actually remembered or if she just thought she remembered" she looked into Jenny's eyes and shook her head "that wasn't my daughter"

"I was afraid she'd hurt Sam as she was hurting herself and that's why we had our last fight. She'd become cold and distant, it was like she didn't care anymore. One day I went to her bedroom and found her with a child, but not her daughter...a dead child...and she was holding it" Shannon became very agitated and uncomfortable, as her fingers moved and she stood up, pacing Jenny's office up and down "I'm not sure if I scream or what but she tried to hide it and I got angry...what the hell was that? It wasn't a doll, it was a real child! God, I was scared! Was it hers? It couldn't possibly be hers!"

Her eyes widened and she looked desperate as she increased her pace "I asked her if it was a joke or she was finally crazy and...I never saw Kelly as furious as she was that day. She'd never seen Samantha as a daughter but she claimed that dead thing was her son!" she having a hard time breathing and Jenny asked her to sit down, saying she could stop if she wanted. Shannon shook her head; she couldn't stop now, it was killing her and she had to let it go "I said it couldn't be possible but she said it was hers and she remembered it; it was her son and she had to protect him. We yelled at each other...she held the baby closer and I couldn't look at her...it wasn't my daughter there. She looked like a crazy woman, a wild and angry lioness that had just lost a cub"

Shannon bit her bottom lip and rolled up the sleeve of her shirt, letting Jenny see the scar on her arm "I was the enemy in that moment" she whispered, the tears now freely escaping her eyes. Jenny felt her own eyes reacting and felt sorry for the woman, but she doubted she could comfort her right now.

"It was the last time I saw her. She was gone and so was that...boy" she shrugged, shaking her head "I promised myself I wouldn't look for her but she's my daughter! What else was I supposed to do?! I feel like I failed Kelly...and Samantha too. She's afraid of me or I don't know...she can't express her feelings if I'm looking at her but when she thinks I'm not looking, she's a normal kid" she was silent for a second, before turning to Jenny and looking deep into her eyes.

"I thought it was her genes...but she saw our last fight and I know it's my fault. Both of them hate me and it's my fault" she said to herself, nodding slowly.

Jenny reached for her hand and their eyes met "You tried to do what you thought was the best for you daughter and most people wouldn't think twice about raising a child under these circumstances. Don't blame yourself"

Shannon nodded "It doesn't feel that way...Jethro would –"

"You're not Jethro" Jenny told her "and how can you be so sure he wouldn't have done the same?"

They shared a smile and Shannon stared at Jenny "You must love him very much if you're willing to go through this..."

Jenny smiled at her "I know how much it means to him and we can do it for Sam, right?"

"She needs a mother and Kelly would listen to Jethro" Shannon said, nodding.

"It was Kelly on the phone" Jenny said, surprising both Shannon and herself.

"You think she's fine?" Shannon asked with concerned eyes.

"She wanted a DNA test..." Jenny said, not seeing the point in keeping a secret.

"Jethro must have talked to her" the other woman said "She wouldn't have listened to anyone else"

Jenny nodded, while her thoughts ran wild. She wasn't so sure it was the best for Samantha.

"Thanks for wasting your time with me" Shannon said, standing up "I really appreciate your help"

"You don't need to thank me for anything...I'm just doing my job and should be the one thankful here" Jenny replied with a smile.

* * *

A knock on the door alerted him of her presence and he lifted his head, right in time to see her in the doorway, meeting her eyes and a beautiful smile, but there was something...

"What happened to your hair?" he asked as she approached him and sat down on top of his desk. He looked her up and down.

She shrugged and shook her head "I wanted something new. You don't like it?" she asked, running a hand through her hair.

"Well" he swivelled his chair to the side, moving it closer to her, stopping only when she was right in front of him. He rested his hands on her knees and stared at her, rubbing his now clean-shaven chin.

"I think you look hot..." he said, a smile spreading across his handsome face, while his hands reached around her knees pulled her towards him.

"I'd never seen you wearing glasses" she said, studying his face "Looks smart, sexy" she leaned forward and slowly lowered her head, brushing her lips against his.

"You came here just to let me know you think I'm sexy and to kiss?" he asked, wounding his fingers into her ebony hair.

"Actually, I have something to ask you..." she trailed off

He took his glasses off and looked at her. The playful tone was gone and she was serious "OK..."

She stared at him, making sure of what to do next "I know you don't like to talk about the past but-"she was interrupted before she could add anything else. He stood up and she had to hold him in place by the t-shirt "Let me finish, will you?"

He sighed heavily and looked at her "It was a mistake...I was high all the time! I was just a stupid kid, Madison!"

"I know, Michael" she said, unconsciously pulling him closer "but you remember what I said about being in coma and the amnesia, right?"

He nodded reluctantly and they both chose not to notice that his grip on her arms was a little too tight "Yeah"

"Do you remember our last months together? Because the details are not very clear to me..."

He clenched his jaw tightly and looked away as the growing anger filled him. He turned away from her and without saying anything, slammed his fist on the desk. Kelly's heart jumped with the movement but she only stared at him, forgetting the tightening feeling it caused in her chest. When he looked back at her, his face was back to normal and it was like nothing had happened.

"Yes" he replied, taking her hand in his.

Kelly ran her fingers along his jaw, watching as the gesture made his eyes soften. He couldn't lose control now; she wouldn't allow it "Do you think I could be pregnant when they found me?" she finally asked, hoping he could give her a better answer than her memory could provide.

Michael frowned, confusion written all over his face "What?" he scratched his head "What you're talking about?" he shook his head "No, it was before that...You lost the baby, Maddie. I thought you remembered"

"I do remember" she said quietly "but after that...do you think it's possible?"

"Why are you asking that? You think you were?" he asked, his fingers closing around her wrist.

She simply glared at him and he sighed heavily "I never used condoms. Maybe...I don't know" Michael started to lose his patience and when it happened, he could be very aggressive or completely cold. Kelly didn't seem to be afraid.

"Care to tell me what the hell is going on?" he asked quietly, arching an eyebrow at her. She preferred when he yelled, it was always best for her.

She stared at him, asking herself what she should say next, and he stared back, slowly invading her personal space. Kelly saw the way his eyes shone when he looked at her and she put a hand on his chest.

"I may have a daughter" she announced.

* * *

Jenny was about to head to MTAC when someone blocked her way. She opened the door of her office to find Gibbs standing in front of her. She took a step back and allowed him in, closing the door as he turned around to look at her.

"Back to work?" she asked, looking at him suspiciously.

He nodded "Thought I should let the boss know" he explained, reaching out for her hand.

"The boss is a little late..." she explained while he led her to the couch and glared at him when he made her sit down.

He played with the bracelet on her wrist, admiring how beautiful it looked on her and sat down on the coffee, facing Jenny. They sat in silence but he noticed she was really struggling to not look at her watch. Their eyes locked, her eyes asking him silently, and he leaned closer.

"You never told me what the doctor said" he said quietly, letting his hand touch the mark the needle had left.

Jenny pressed her lips together and looked at him silently, smiling affectionately "Don' t worry about it" she said just as quiet and leaned forward, covering his lips with hers "I'll tell you when we're finished here"

He wasn't too convinced and glared at her "Jethro, if it was urgent, I'd tell you right now" Jenny assured him.

"I have the right to be worried. You were gone for almost six months and –"

She put her hand above his mouth "I'll tell you tonight. I don't want to talk about it here. That's all"

He grabbed her hand and used it to pull her closer to him, smirking when she shook her head and said something about being late. He kissed her lips slowly, making her forget all her protests. He made his entrance carefully, wanting the moment to last as long possible. Her taste was new to him, after all those years, but still the same. He pulled her even closer, wounding his hand into her hair and holding her in place. Her tongue danced with his and it only made him want more, causing him to wrap an arm around her waist and pull her onto his lap, kissing her firmly.

Jenny broke the kiss immediately "We agreed to keep it off the job" she said, ignoring what her own body was saying due to their position.

He didn't saying anything but moved his mouth to her neck, finding her weak spot. Jenny closed her eyes, lost in the feelings of him, trying her best to stay professional. One of his hands moved to her side and she felt him pulling her skirt up.

"Jethro!" she tried to push him away and he tightened his arms around her waist, but lifted his head to look at her.

"Technically, I'm not working..." he justified himself, turning to whisper in her ear "It's been so long, Jenny..." he whispered, taking her earlobe into his mouth. She shivered but recovered soon.

"No, I'm late and we're not doing this here" she said, sounding the boss she was. Gibbs let her win this one and let her stand up.

He sighed heavily and followed her to the door, already missing the warmth of her body, but content he could at least observe her hips as she moved towards the entrance.

"Stop staring at my ass" she told him, looking over her shoulder. He smirked and blocked her way again.

"Jethro, I'm late!" she folded her arms across her chest and glared at him.

"I already heard that..." Gibbs said, shaking his head "but I'll only let you go if you promise you coming home with me tonight"

"You do realise you're shamelessly bribing me, don't you?" she asked with a wicked smile.

"We have a deal, Director" he whispered, shaking hands with her, before opening the door to a laughing Jenny.

TBC


	13. Fairy Tales and Real Life III

_Thanks for all the reviews, alerts, PMs, and all the support. This chapter is dedicated to Aserene, Crazy-prune, Genevra and Verity. This story was a crazy idea but I had Verity's blessing...blame her! Hehe No, blame me._

13. Fairy Tales and Real Life III

It was Michael's turn to glare, folding his arms across his chest "What do you mean by 'may' have a daughter?"

"According to my mother and a friend of the family, I gave birth to a girl while I was in a coma, four years ago"

He laughed, shaking his head "You kidding, right? Madison, this is ridiculous...even if you really were pregnant, do you think the baby would have survived if you were in a coma?"

Michael glared at her incredulously, still shaking his head, when she moved the photograph before his eyes. He took it out of her hand and narrowed his eyes as he studied the girl. Kelly observed him quietly, reading his facial expression that was saying absolutely nothing to her. If he had learned to hide his feelings, she could only foresee the worst.

"She does look like you...a little" he said, staring at the picture "but doesn't necessarily prove anything. How can you be so sure?"

"I am not" she admitted, taking her time to organise her thoughts "but she reminds me of you" she said quietly "She looks like you, Mike"

He said nothing and the silence was oppressive, at least to Kelly. Even if she didn't want to admit it, she was afraid of his reaction and the silence didn't help to calm her down. They were in front of each other and he was doing nothing. Michael stared at the picture and seemed lost in thought. If she didn't knew him well, she'd have failed to notice his hard clenched jaw. It made her body tense.

"Mike?" the sound of her voice was above a whisper and it made him blink, as if waking from a trance, and he slowly lifted his head to look at her.

He shrugged, avoiding eye contact, and she saw the discomfort written on his face as he sat down on the chair "I can't Maddie" he said, shaking his head "I never had a father. I can't be a father...I didn't plan this!"

Michael repositioned himself between her thighs and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his head on her chest. They stayed like that for a few seconds and Kelly let her hands touch his neck and shoulders. When he lifted his head again and looked at her, she held his gaze. He was afraid, terrified, and Kelly knew it meant either him being angry or distant. Ignoring her trembling hands, she ran her fingers through his hair, letting them slowly massage his scalp. His body was warm but she felt cold and untouchable.

"If it makes you feel better" she said, breaking the silence "I don't think I was born to be a mother"

"This is crazy" he whispered "It was always just you and me. With a child...we'd be a gang, not a family"

Kelly couldn't help but smile. The idea was funny. Simultaneously, she tried to remember the last time he'd made her laugh or smile. Maybe he was right after all; he was just a normal guy without the drugs. She shook her head; they could never be a normal family. No mattered how many times he asked her, she couldn't ignore the flashbacks that came back to haunt her. The cold, the blood...

"On the other hand" he continued "a child brings lots of possibilities" he said, smiling wickedly at her, a smile that made his eyes shine.

She arched an eyebrow at him, not believing his words "Are you nuts?" she asked, and was temporarily unaware of what her choice of words could do to her.

He smirked and winked at her "That's what the doctor says!" Something about the way he said it made her wonder... it wasn't fear what she felt but the anxiety she'd gotten used to in the past. The need to be watching him all the time, to avoid confrontations, to be ready for everything, it was all coming back.

Kelly ran her thumb across his lips, wondering just how much of that statement was true. No one knew him better than she did and she was the only one he'd given power to know the real him. She was immersed in the past when he stood up, standing between her legs and kissed her softly on the lips. Silently, Kelly asked herself how long it was going to last while she kissed him back. His mood had always been inconstant and she wasn't stupid enough to expect it to change all of a sudden. After all, she knew it wasn't his fault; he was the victim. Still, she was always careful when he got too tender or quiet, because she knew it would change – sooner or later. Her eyes slid close as his warm lips connected with the sensitive skin of her neck and she wrapped an arm around his shoulders. While he kissed the left side of her neck, his right hand pushed her hair to the side. He paused to gently nuzzle her neck and trailed his lips up to her earlobe, allowing the tip of his tongue to caress her skin along the way.

"You have to take care of her, right?" he asked in a whisper, his hot breath on her skin and into her ear making her shiver. Kelly's eyes fluttered open and she found herself staring into his eyes, with his right arm around her waist.

She fought back the feeling it gave her "I guess" she said, noticing how his face lit up, his eyes shining full of mischief.

He smiled wickedly at her "That's good. You'll never leave me if we take care of her together" he said, his voice assuming the tone it used to have – slightly agitated, nervous and almost childish. It was the tone that caused the tightening, squeezing in her chest; it reminded her of the past.

"Don't ever leave me, Madison" he whispered, kissing her lips "I prefer you dead than away from me, ok?" his fingers were curled tightly under her chin as he lifted her head and looked deep into her eyes. Kelly nodded at the sound of those words, remembering the last time he'd said them. Her hands found their way to his back and end up pulling him towards her by the neck. She kissed him with hunger and he kissed her back, getting distracted by her body. As she gave her body to him, her mind was miles away, years away...

_The night was dark, humid, and it was hard to breathe. The dizziness had her wanting to stay in bed all day but it was still impossible to sleep. She was so tired, hungry and her body ached. The whole situation didn't bother her as much as before but there were a few things that just didn't seem right. She looked around, feeling as tired as always, and searched for a place to hide herself. The house had always seemed oppressive when she couldn't sleep and her imagination pictured the most terrible things. She suddenly reminded herself that she'd be alone that night, in that dark house, with all its shadows. Her thoughts had never been the most optimistic but it had only gotten worse and she got used to it, telling herself it was just a way she'd found to be prepared for the worst; even if the worst wasn't exactly the worst. Her situation wasn't really that bad; she was sort of healthy, had everything she needed, a nice house and didn't have to worry about anything. Still, some days she'd wake up and think her life was so useless, so empty. She wanted more but her current life wasn't uncomfortable. No mattered how many times she thought about committing suicide, she knew it would never happen; she didn't want to disappoint him. The last days had even been nice and peaceful; he'd been taking care of her and smiling more often. It made her forget the not so good moments and bury her fear in what she hoped was an inaccessible place. It should have changed her mood but it never did and she was constantly thinking about the worst. As the weather changed, she felt cold and numbness spread across her body. As hard as it was to admit it, she missed the moments in which he was angry. When he didn't, she felt something was wrong and feared he didn't care anymore. She still searched for a meaning in her presence there. Being kept in that place made her realise how many things she had really lost over the years, how they just weren't important anymore. If months ago it seemed impossible, her current state..._

_Her gaze drifted to her growing belly and the sight seemed to awake the panic inside of her. She had to run to the bathroom, overwhelmed by the sudden urge to throw up. Her whole body shook and she felt the horrible taste in her mouth, the cold sweat on her forehead and neck. The hot violent waves hit her with such force that her vision blurred._

_The numbness increased but she kept searching for a less scaring place. It wasn't an easy task, since the whole place gave her the impression that there was someone watching her, waiting for something. It was the same place where she'd had the worst nightmares of her life, the worst and most painful experiences. It kept her on alert, prepared for the imminent attack, but she also couldn't prevent it from happening. She had never tried to escape again, afraid of what would be waiting for her if she actually did it. She stopped thinking when another wave made her vomit. Her hands trembled at every attempt to stand up and she was too weak to move. The bathroom seemed smaller than it really was and the open door behind her only contributed to increase her anxiety. Unconsciously, she felt her hands descend towards her belly, moving in circles, to soothe herself and the child. She only wished to know how far along she was. Feeling too tired, she tried to stand up again and was relieved when after three attempts it was finally possible. She walked slowly to the kitchen but still going the quickest she could and the dizziness only got worse, which had her sitting down on the nearest chair. Holding her head between her hands, she decided to make the world stop spinning around her. Her eyes closed and she leaned back in the chair with a sigh, her hand instinctively reaching out for her protuberant belly. She couldn't believe it was real. She couldn't believe she was pregnant. She knew nothing about pregnancy. Could it be dangerous? What she was supposed to do when the child was born? To make it worse, he acted as if he couldn't see it and she was absolutely terrified because she couldn't do it on her own. She guessed there'd be no hospital, no doctor, and it the thought had her fearing for the child and herself; she wasn't looking forward to the future. Her eyes fluttered open and she feared the darkness surrounding her. Sighing heavily, she tried to forget the sound of the silence and the fact that she was alone. Her body trembled and she swallowed hard, trying to keep her eyes focused only where the light could reach._

_She looked to the right, out of the corner of her eyes, and almost stopped breathing when small, dark shadows moved closer to her feet. Her eyes widened and she swallowed hard, her heart beating fast in her chest. She shook her head and checked it again – they were gone. With a hand over her agitated heart, she inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. Her body was growing and it was uncomfortable, extremely uncomfortable; she couldn't sleep, there was too much in her head anyway. She wished to know for sure if that was what he wanted, because his behaviour was just so weird. His touch had changed somehow and the same could be said about the way he looked at her. They talked, she could read and the bruises were only superficial now. She'd gotten used to it, wasn't as bad as those first months. It was as if he didn't want to hurt the baby or maybe he didn't want to her. She liked to think it was exactly that and in the future he'd be even better. Maybe he understood she was 'incapacitated' now and wasn't able to go very far and believed she wouldn't leave him as she'd said so herself. Not that she had much choice – they were in the middle of nowhere – but it was what she had to do. Pushing those thoughts away, she stood up and gathered all the strength she had left to return to the bedroom. Her feet and legs felt heavy and the distance seemed to increase with every step she took. She felt a cold shiver spread through her entire body, leaving goose bumps on her skin, and the dizziness coming back. Still feeling the sweat on her forehead, she took deep breaths and tried to ignore how cold she felt. She stopped in the middle of the hall, leaning against the wall, and lifted her head to breathe. Maybe it was just her imagination but she was getting worse and worse. The baby had been very quiet and she was thankful for that; the last thing she needed was someone kicking her from the inside. Still, her hands drifted down to touch her belly and she asked herself if it didn't mean anything, if the baby was fine._

_It was a strange feeling, something she was still getting used to, to have someone growing inside of you and while she pretended it wasn't there when he was around, it got her thinking when she was alone and that unknown person was all the company she had. She felt powerful to even think that she could create another human being, that she was part of it. For the first time since the beginning of her pregnancy she wished the baby would kick, move or do anything that showed her everything was as it should be - just to make sure. If she was in pain, did it mean that the baby could feel it too? The possibility was enough to make her worry, because she couldn't do anything to help him if that was indeed the case. The thought had her pulling up her shirt and massaging her belly, wanting to get as close to the baby as possible. She hoped he was sleeping, only sleeping, and was oblivious to anything that was going on. She walked to the bedroom, trusting she'd be fine; the baby would be fine. It wasn't that bad; they'd keep each other company. The child would give her something to worry about, to take care of, and maybe he'd feel the same way. Another wave of pain spread all over her body and she felt every nerve contracting. Her breathing got heavy and her heart tightened in her chest. Her hands turned into fists as she tried to be strong enough not to fall._

"_Are you okay in there?" she asked in a whisper as soon as her voice returned "Can you feel it too?" Her eyes filled with tears as fear took over her. She got to the bedroom almost breathless and sighed heavily as she reached the door. _

"_Thank God" she breathed out, running a hand over her sweaty forehead. She didn't have the energy to say anything else. _

_Sighing heavily, she lay down on the bed on her left side, curling up in a fetal position. It would help if she only knew where the pain was coming from but she couldn't identify it. Her breath quickened but she closed her eyes and pretended it was just a dream and there was no pain. The bedroom was as cold as the rest of the house and the persistent ache in her lower back only made it more uncomfortable. It was like her body was being torn apart and she cried until her body was so exhausted that she fell asleep. She only woke up when the lights invaded the room in the morning. The pain was gone but she was still afraid, concerned for the child's safety. The first thing she noticed was the bleeding on the sheets. She had no idea what to do, if it meant that the baby was ready to be born or that there was something very wrong. She guessed it was the latter, something told her that it couldn't be good. Her right hand rubbed her belly, silently wishing the baby would move, and she tried to control the tears. Assuring herself that the child was fine and safe, she changed the sheets and went to the bathroom. She took a shower, letting the water cool down her worries, and gradually became aware of something she hadn't felt in a long time – cramps, but much more intense cramps. Minutes later, still feeling the tightening across her belly, she put on a dress and sat on the bed, controlling her nervousness and redirecting her thoughts to her most pleasant memories. Her lower back hurt like someone had punched her repeatedly and the tightening seemed to be radiating but she tried to stay calm. When the feeling became more frequent, she wondered if it they were contractions. She stood up and went to the bathroom, and as soon as she got there, she __realised__ it was more than what she had expected – the baby was coming. She tried not to get panicked, reassuring herself that everything would be fine. She just had to figure out a way to help her body do what it was ready to._

Michael looked at her in curiosity as she opened her eyes and stared back at him. Kelly wrapped her arms and legs around him at the sight of his still flushed cheeks and lips. She had barely realised he had started and it was even harder to notice he'd already finished. It'd made her sad, not just the past but the present. He stood in front of her, his full body exposed to her eyes, and Kelly framed his face with her hands, looking into his beautiful eyes. She wondered if the baby would have grown to be like him, to look like him. Her thumb caressed his cheek and she watched his gaze softening and smiled at him. She guessed he didn't even realise how vulnerable he allowed himself to be while around her and she couldn't refuse him anything when he looked at her like that. She admired his body, admired everything in him that convinced herself that he was perfect the way he was. Her hand foundits away to the back of his neck and pulled him closer, needing him now more than ever. Her lips touched his cheek and trailed to his mouth, while she tried to stop the memories and the pain it evoked. Kelly ran a hand through his hair and pulled away, disentangling herself from him. His swollen lips and his frowning face had her smiling and helping him to get dressed. She saw him as a boy, as a man; the man that had made her realise there's nothing such as good or evil, not when you're human. That man was the father of her son and the responsible for the most intense experience she'd ever had. He was the boy that needed to be loved and she needed someone to love. She was afraid he'd hurt himself and she needed to protect him. Michael put Kelly to her feet but she wasn't ready to let him go and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He seemed amused by her actions and cocked his head to the side, contemplating her face.

"Why would I leave you?" she shook her head, leaning forward, resting her forehead against his "Do I deserve a kiss now?" she asked in a whisper and watched as her words put a satisfied smile on his face.

_The tightening was not actually painful but rather intensely uncomfortable and she couldn't be more relieved when he found her on the bed. She gave a sigh of relief when he got closer and asked her what she was feeling. Just having him there with her made the whole situation seem less catastrophic and she concentrated on the baby. At first, she felt the urge to push as she had never wanted to do anything so badly before. Her whole body was tense and felt like it was being crushed by all the pressure - she thought her body would be ripped in two. Words could not express what it felt like, it was a different kind of pain, and she pushed once, with all the strength she had. He said something about the baby's head and she pushed again, wanting nothing more than the baby outside her. If she had previously doubted she was alive, all the parts she wasn't aware of and were in that moment hurting like hell told her the opposite. Breathing heavily, she gripped the sheets and prepared for another push. It was impossible to think about anything else and she pushed again, feeling all the nerves in her body throbbing. She felt the baby leaving her body and sighed, leaning her head back on the pillows. She was exhausted and so thankful it was finally over. He looked at him as he cleaned the baby and came to sit by her side. He kissed her forehead and put the baby in her arms, telling her it was a boy. She was surprised by how content she felt, even if the baby looked a little smaller than what she had expected. His little hands and arms were the most perfect thing she had ever seen and she was momentarily distracted. However, it didn't take long for her to realise that there was indeed something wrong with the baby, he was so quiet and beautiful … he wasn't breathing. She frowned, her jaw dropping and her heart tightening; it hurt a thousand times more. It hurt because she knew it was her fault, could only be her fault. She'd failed him; she'd failed her own son. The world stopped and everything froze. Inside her head she screamed but she couldn't find her voice and it just wasn't right. She was his mother and she'd given up on him and there was nothing she could do. She felt like she had killed him. She lifted __her__ head to look at the man by her side and couldn't have controlled the tears not even if she had wanted to. She let herself cry, holding the baby tightly close, asking him silently with her eyes what went wrong. He stroked her hair softly and she saw there were tears in his eyes too. She kissed the baby's head and cried until she couldn't breathe, until her head ached. She wanted her baby. That was her little boy and she already missed him so much. Why did he have to be taken away from her? Her eyes were shut tight and she tried to imagine him breathing, moving, or at least…_

"_I'm sorry Maddie" he whispered softly, combing her hair with his fingers._

_She looked at her son, still in her arms, and continued to cry, her body shaking as the tears rolled down her face. She felt lost and empty and there was a part of her missing – it was right there in her arms. She couldn't let go of him. It was painful, more painful than any pain she had ever felt, and she refused to look at anything else but the baby, her little son, her boy. She had killed him! It was her fault; she should've known there was something wrong with him._

_She didn't sleep that night and held the baby tightly, crying and singing to him. The physical pain was gone but everything else hurt badly. She knew she'd have to say goodbye sooner or later but she wasn't ready yet – and would never be. Her little baby was gone, she was alone again and it was all her fault. She could have helped him, she should have helped him. The pain...she knew the grief would never leave, she'd have to find a way to live with it. _

* * *

Shannon arrived at home silently, thinking about everything she had told Jenny. It was amusing how much more comfortable she'd found to confess her feelings to a stranger than to her own husband, and she was so much better after it was finally verbalized. It came along with an internal admission that maybe Samantha meant more to her than she'd been prepared to admit to herself. She'd already failed Kelly; she couldn't make the same mistake twice. Lost in thought, she almost bumped into Samantha when she turned around. Shannon put a hand over her heart and sighed; she had no idea how she could do that. The girl looked at her, as if waiting for her to say something, and Shannon felt guilty, guilty because she'd denied that girl the attention she needed. As she stood there, waiting for her, she saw a different Samantha, not someone threatening or mysterious, but she saw an innocent child that had somehow made her way into her heart. It was high time she stopped blaming Samantha for someone else's mistakes. Shannon smiled, a true smile this time, and saw Samantha trying to do the same. She ran a hand through the girl's smooth hair and got down on her knees so they were at the same eye level. She couldn't be angry at her, not even if she wanted; not after what she'd said to Jenny. She'd realised something while watching the girl interact with Jethro; her body language was what kept them miles away from each other. Now that the problem was right in front of her, she could do something to change it.

"Hi Sam" Shannon said quietly, determined to make things right "What were you doing?"

Samantha looked apprehensive at first, her hand moving to her lower lip. She shrugged and looked at Shannon.

The older woman pressed her lips together, holding back the tears that were for no reason in her eyes. Even after five years, she still didn't know how to get closer to that child. A lonely, generous tear rolled down her face and she was too worried about wiping it away to notice the change in Samantha's facial expression. It was her fault; she could have prevented everything. She lowered her head for a second and lifted her gaze to the child once more, right in time to see Samantha moving closer. Her body instinctively tried to move on the opposite direction and it was with great relief and surprise that she felt those two small arms around her neck. She wrapped her arms around the girl's body and hugged her tightly. The feeling was indescribable but the mixture of emotions converged into one feeling of extreme happiness and pride.

"I'm fine, Sam" she whispered to the girl, kissing the top of her head.

Samantha pulled back and took Shannon's hand in hers, pulling the woman to her feet. The latter didn't complain and simply followed the child. They climbed the stairs in silence and Samantha led her to the bedroom. Paul was leaving the bathroom when he saw Samantha telling Shannon that she had to sit and smiled to himself. She left the run and they looked at each other. Shannon walked to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head on his shoulder.

"What happened?" Paul asked his wife, running his hand up and down her back.

"She gave me a hug" she said with a smile, her eyes sparkling with something he didn't exactly recognise. He smiled too, happy to see that they were finally getting there, and kissed her mouth. His hands moved to her hips as she took a step forward and demanded more of him. They heard footsteps and broke away, staring at each other.

"I love you" Shannon said, looking into his eyes. Paul smiled and kissed her forehead.

"I knew that" he said, shrugging.

Shannon was about to reply when Samantha entered the room and walked towards them.

"Sit" she said, pointing to the bed.

The two adults shared a look and Shannon did as the girl told her, sitting on the middle of the bed. The child then turned to Paul and handed him a book, hooking a finger at him. He crouched down beside her and Shannon watched as Samantha whispered something and Paul nodded. When the conversation was over, she ran to the bed and sat down beside Shannon. Paul observed them for a few seconds and stood up.

"I guess we need a story" he said, opening the book.

* * *

Kelly entered the room and found Michael ready to lie on the bed. He grimaced when she opened the door and the light invaded the room. She quickly stepped inside and closed it behind her. Carefully, she walked towards the bed and was able to see him opening a bottle of pills. She watched him intently, wishing she was brave enough to ask him if he really needed that much; because even if she couldn't see his hands clearly, it was taking too long to get just a few of them. He rubbed his temples and drank a glass of water, feeling her eyes on him all the time. Kelly sat beside him and watched his face, his closed eyes and clenched jaw.

"Migraine?" she asked in a whisper.

He nodded slowly, not hiding any of his frustration. Kelly sat behind him and massaged his scalp and the back of his neck. Michael closed his eyes and concentrated on the movements of her fingers. His head felt like someone was smashing his brain, little by little, and it was radiating towards his back. Her touch seemed to make it better, though, and his throbbing temples slowly began to calm down. An hour later, they were both lying on the bed, her hands still on his head, as he tried to forget the pain. He seriously considered banging his head against the wall a few times, it was a powerful distraction, but didn't want to get up; it wasn't worth the effort. His eyes were heavy and so was his body; he guessed the pills were finally kicking in. There were balls, squares and undefined images dancing around the room but their bright colours were gradually fading away. He yawed and relaxed, hoping it wouldn't take long to get better. Kelly noticed the difference in his body language and moved her hand from his head to his shoulder and put one of her arms across his chest. She snuggled closer and observed his face. He had his eyes closed but the smile on his face told her that he knew she'd been staring at him.

"Madison" he whispered, wrapping his arm around her waist.

"I'm here" she said, rubbing his cheek with her thumb.

"I'm not feeling well" he whispered, which made Kelly lift her head and look at his face. He smiled and opened his eyes.

"Too many pills" he said quietly, answering her silent question "I think I'm allergic to them"

* * *

Half an hour later, they sat in silence. Samantha had fallen asleep on Shannon's lap and Paul looked at them. His wife had a hand entangled on the girl's long hair and seemed lost in thought. She looked more relaxed than she'd ever been around Sam but there was something making her restless.

"I always read this book after she wakes up from a nightmare crying" Paul said "You're telling me what happened?" he asked quietly, holding her gaze when she turned her head to look at him. Shannon sighed and shrugged.

"Nostalgia convulsed me" she said, smiling sadly "I had to face all those feelings again and remember everything I've been trying so hard to forget" she lowered her head and looked at the sleeping girl "but at least it gave me the opportunity to think about the present and the future. I'll never forget how it happened but I can't blame her. It's neither Samantha's fault nor Kelly's" she said and looked back at her husband.

"I think I'm finally ready to show Sam that I do love her. I'm finally comfortable with it" she told him, tears making her eyes shine " I didn't mean to cry in front of her but...I couldn't control myself and felt so stupid that she was seeing it" Shannon shook her head a looked at Samantha again " but she surprised me with a hug and I really needed that hug"

Paul smiled proudly at them and got up, motioning for her to go with him. Shannon kissed Samantha's forehead and stood up, following her husband outside their bedroom. Once the door was closed, he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to him, kissing the tip of her nose and her mouth.

"You think she'll stay asleep for a while?" Shannon asked, moving closer to his ear.

"Probably" Paul replied, leading her down the corridor.

* * *

Before she knew what she was doing, Kelly had a phone in hand and had called 911, trying to control the tears. She hadn't been this afraid for years and as she looked at Michael, he gave her another smile. She struggled to keep the tears to herself but she found it impossible and when his hand cupped her cheek and pulled her closer to him, she let them control her. He ran a hand up and down her back as she sobbed against his body.

"Why did you do that?" she asked, her voice thick with tears yet to come.

His response was to cover her slightly trembling lips with his and hold her tight "I had to" Michael said "I didn't want to be like him. I didn't want to hurt you anymore, didn't want to hurt you like he used to hurt her"

"You're not like him, Michael" she argued "and I'm not letting you die. The ambulance is on the way and you're not dying!"

* * *

Hours later, Kelly entered the room and looked at the sleeping form lying on the bed. She stepped closer and sat down on the chair beside the bed. She sighed heavily, feeling the headache that refused to leave her alone. With trembling hands, she reached out to touch the smooth, almost white hair. She shook her head, afraid the contact was enough to interrupt the peaceful dreams. She sat in silence, her eyes never leaving the bed. She didn't know what to think, what to say, what to do, but she didn't have to worry about what to feel; because it was already there and hurt so very much. She felt alone, tired, disappointed, and numb; so many things that it was hard to describe. She wanted to reach out and see those blue eyes open again, that perfect smile flashing at her. She lowered her head and looked at the cell phone that was apparently glued to her hand. She listened to his voice over and over again, calling his number just to hear the personal greeting on his voicemail after that. She still couldn't understand why Michael had done that to himself. He knew what he was doing and didn't regret anything. She, on the other hand, put the blame on herself. She should've known he'd do something, but her mind had been somewhere else and she was too blind to see that he needed her too. She smiled sadly to herself, remembering what he had told her that night. How could he think she wanted him dead, when she had come back to him of her own accord? As everything else in her life, it was unbelievable. How could she be happy when she lived a life based on somebody else's choices? It'd always been like that and she wanted more. She felt a hand on her shoulder and lifted her gaze, meeting blue eyes she'd thought she'd never see again. He smiled at her and Kelly nodded, feeling slightly embarrassed.

"You were in the neighbourhood?" Paul asked, taking a seat beside her. She smiled sadly and lowered her head.

"Guess you could say that" she said quietly.

"It's been a long time, Kelly" he said "You could have called"

Kelly shook her head "No, I couldn't" she said looking at him "She always sleeps like this?" her gaze settling on the sleeping child. She was his daughter; the only thing that reminded her of him. She wished he hadn't been so selfish and planned it all by himself. He had expected her to move on but she couldn't do that. She had every reason to be angry but when she thought of him, there was no way she could control the tears. He was so young, had so much life ahead of him, and had left her for good. Then why was it so hard to believe that she'd never see him again?

"Not that often" Paul replied, looking at the girl that had become his daughter "What happened, Kelly? You wouldn't be here without a good motive"

Kelly arched an eyebrow at him and managed to smile. She had an ulterior motive but she wasn't telling him that. No, he wouldn't understand. It was just one more secret she was adding to her collection. She was there to make sure that Samantha really had a part of him, that he was still alive in her; and maybe, just maybe, to forget what she was feeling, to know exactly what she was feeling. Memories of the past and the last few days were mixed together and she was very confused. There were two separate men in her mind and she refused to believe that they represented the same person. Even if there was fear buried inside of her, she wanted to believe he would have treated her differently this time. Was he really gone?

"I wanted to see her" she finally said "I wanted to make sure..." Kelly tried to find the right words, but they were nowhere to be found "I wanted to make sure it was true"

Paul nodded. He knew she was lying, or at least not telling the whole truth. People don't usually disappear and come back years later. He didn't know if it was because she was older or because he hadn't seen her in a long time, but she seemed to be lost. She looked at him but her eyes were distant and he knew she'd been crying. He had seen her like this before, but this Kelly was more desolated now. She looked tired but there was something else bothering her and causing her to avoid his gaze. Shannon was a few doors away and he knew she could open the door at any second but he couldn't deny that to Kelly; Samantha was still her daughter.

As if reading her thoughts, Kelly turned to him "She knows I'm here?"

Paul shook his head. He wasn't sure if he should be doing it but he hoped that Shannon would understand and after what happened earlier that day, he thought she would. Kelly studied his face, remembering how nice he had been when she needed more patience than her mother could provide. She also remembered what her father had told her that day. The idea of Samantha thinking Paul was her father made her angry, especially after what happened to Michael. She was his daughter and no one else's. The anger was enough to give her strength, to stop the urge to cry. She couldn't lose Samantha too. First it was her soon, and then Michael. Samantha was the last reminder that they were still connected, that she'd always have him by her side. She couldn't afford to lose her too.

"Why didn't you tell her you're not her father?" she asked quietly, looking deep into his eyes.

Paul felt uncomfortable, very uncomfortable, under her gaze. It wasn't what he had expected. He shook his head slowly "She's four" he said "It's only temporary" it was what he reminded himself of every day. He watched as Kelly sighed heavily and looked at the cell phone in her hand, like someone waiting for a call.

"She'll need a father when she gets older too" Kelly said, her voice sounding very small in the silence. She knew what it felt like "and it's not like there is anyone else out there" a single tear rolled down her face and Paul observed her more intently. She sighed heavily and looked at Samantha, as they sat in silence, each of them lost in their own thoughts, almost forgetting the other was there.

"You remembered everything?" Paul asked, breaking the silence.

Kelly shook her head "Most of it" she said with a sigh "Probably only the most important things but they're enough. The rest doesn't really matter" she said, more to herself than to him.

Paul noticed the change in her tone and decided it was time to change the subject "You're staying at your father's?"

Kelly nodded impatiently and suddenly stood up "I have to go" she explained "Does she like him?" she asked, looking at Samantha.

"She's very excited about seeing the boat" Paul replied, smiling to himself "Your father is good with children"

Kelly smiled at him "That he is" she said, her eyes finally sparkling with something other than tears that night "Thanks, Paul. You didn't have to be nice, not when your wife will probably be angry after she finds out"

Paul shook his head "Don't underestimate your mother, Kelly" he told her "You should give her a chance"

Kelly stared at him. That was something she couldn't do. She knew she didn't want to "It wouldn't change anything" she said, shaking her head "It's too late now. We've hurt each other and we can't go back and erase what we've done"

"If you change your mind..." he trailed off.

She spared Samantha one last glance and shifted her gaze towards Paul and left silently without saying anything else.

_It was so close to her that she could feel and see its breath in the air, cold and gray, floating next to her face. She turned around as fast as she could but didn't move; it'd grabbed her wrist. She found herself slowly returning to her previous position, against her own will, afraid of what she'd see and so she closed her eyes. Voices started to echo inside her head, calling her name, whispering their secrets in her ears, the room started to spin around. Children, men, women, their words sounded incoherent and didn't make any sense. Some were angry, others frightened, scared, crying in agony, shouting, and pleading for help. There was a baby crying, a child laughing, a man getting furious at his wife, all reverberating at the same time with multiple frequencies. She fell to her knees, screaming in agony._

* * *

"Get in" Gibbs told Jenny, who was currently on the phone. She rolled her eyes and shook her head but ended up doing as he said.

"You're so dramatic, Jethro" she said, as soon as the call was over, and he took the opportunity to take the phone away from her. She looked at him in disbelief; eyes wide open, staring at him. Recomposing herself, Jenny smiled wickedly and closed her hands around his neck.

"Give me a very good reason to not dig my nails into your neck" the words left her mouth in a whisper, dangerously threatening but Gibbs looked at her in amusement, a smirk slowly appearing on his face. He quickly pulled her to him by the waist and lowered his head.

"Do it" he challenged her with a smile "Remember that day when I said you'd make a perfect dominatrix?" he asked, cocking his head to the side.

Jenny narrowed her eyes, remembering it very well as if it had been the day before, and tried her best to hide a smile "No, you'll most likely enjoy it and yes, I replied saying that it was your way of telling me I was bossy"

Gibbs's smirk widened "Not exactly what I had in mind. I was talking boots and leather" he said, feeling her hands pressing against his chest.

"And you'd headslap Tony if he said that" she said, trying to push him away "You're planning on letting me go anytime soon?"

"Not really" Gibbs replied, pressing her harder against him "but I do have plans"

He lowered his head and caught her upper lip between his, smirking when she stopped the feeble attempts to push him away and took hold of his neck, pulling his face closer to hers. Jenny caught his bottom lip between her teeth and ran her tongue along its length. He entangled his hand in her hair and kissed her the way he had imagined for years, exploring every corner of her mouth, enjoying the sensations provoked by her lips and tongue moving against his. His hand pressed harder against the small of her back and Jenny tried to get even closer, inebriated by the warmth of his body. Breathing heavily, they broke the kiss, but not without brushing their lips one more time.

"I missed that" Gibbs whispered against Jenny's lips, loving the sight of her flushed cheeks and swollen, flushed lips.

"Me too" Jenny said as he kissed her neck "but I'm hungry. Do you even have food here?" she asked, watching the smile it put on his face.

Gibbs lifted his head from her neck and stepped back, disentangling from her "That's why you have this" he said, showing her the cell phone he'd stolen from her own hand "but we do have food today or at least the ingredients" he said proudly.

She arched an eyebrow at him and considered what he'd just said "Who are you and what did you do with the man I love?" she asked casually.

Gibbs couldn't hold back the smile that appeared on his face as he heard what she said. He knew it was true but it was much better to hear it from her. He reached out for her hand and pulled her to him, leading her to the kitchen.

"You're smiling a lot today" she said as they entered his kitchen "and I like that" she added, running her index finger along his jaw.

"I didn't imagine it, did I?" Gibbs asked, still carrying the smile on his face, and looked into her emerald eyes.

"I hope you didn't" Jenny replied with a smirk. She held his gaze, which seemed to have her gravitating to him, but her stomach interrupted "What about that dinner you promised me?"

* * *

Jenny stared at the glass in her hand and back to the man in front of her, with his back turned towards her. After months of avoiding the drink, she wondered why she didn't want to do it now. She sat on the counter, observing him as he approached with another glass and filled it with Bourbon. Gibbs looked at her over the brim of the glass and stopped right in front of her.

"So" he said, swallowing one big gulp of his drink "something you wanna tell me about your day?"

Jenny shrugged "Not really. Anything specific you want to know?" she asked innocently, receiving a glare from him in return "My doctor said that although he can't cure me, the tumour isn't affecting me anymore, like it was frozen. He still doesn't know why but it's smaller and..." she trailed off, looking at him "I'm safe for now. It can be temporary or not but it's a good thing" she added with a sigh. She didn't want to give him too much hope and above all, she didn't want to disappoint him, but it wasn't like she could hide it from him either. Gibbs surprised Jenny by wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her softly. He let his actions show her that he was relieved, very relieved, and so he helped Jenny to her feet and kissed her properly, gradually pinning her between him and the counter as their hands remembered how to touch each other's body.

His lips left her mouth to trail kisses down her neck, the skin she slowly exposed by changing the angle of her head. One of his hands unbuttoned one button and slipped under the collar of her shirt. His fingertips slightly grazed her right shoulder and Jenny felt his body move, his fingers still touching her shoulder. She knew what it was about, but she didn't know what to say. He pulled away slightly and she looked at him, knowing it was her fault. Gibbs only had eyes to what he had found out and it took him some time to shift his gaze and look at her face. He opened his mouth several times but the right words could not be found and he stared at her in silence, letting his eyes speak for him and hoping she would understand.

"This one is new" he finally said, his voice sounding quieter than it usually did, and Jenny closed her eyes, nodding once. Her lips were pressed tightly together as he took another step back. She stared at him, recognising all the emotions he was feeling through his eyes; anger, concern and guilty. It wasn't like she hadn't seen it coming.

"Only a few months" Jenny said, confirming what he already knew. She looked into his eyes, hoping it'd be enough to make him understand her decision; and it had been a very difficult one for her, but it'd also seen to be the best alternative at the time. Still, it was her problem and she was the one that need to solve it.

"You could have told me, Jen" Gibbs said, his face was a mixture of concern and anger "I was part of the mission too"

Jenny shook her head vehemently "No" she said quietly "It was my mistake, result of _my _inexperience, and it was _my_ responsibility. I should be the one paying for it, not you"

Gibbs sighed heavily, shaking his head "It wasn't you she wanted, Jenny!" he argued "It wasn't worth your life but you had to be stubborn and do it on your own" he said angrily, the colour of his eyes changing as he did so.

She stared at him for a moment, recognising all too well the protective man she knew "I would never risk your life to save mine" she admitted, looking deeply into his eyes "and I thought I was already dead when I made my decision" she explained "What did you want me to do? Tell you? You were avoiding me, Jethro, and I didn't even know why..." she sighed heavily "didn't want another 'no' from you"

"I'd be there" he said quickly, without thinking. Jenny moved closer to him, sensing the change in his mood. She framed his face with her hands and kissed him quickly.

"I know it now, but how could I be so sure months ago?" she reasoned.

"I thought you were dead, Jenny" Gibbs said, looking into her eyes. He wished he could tell her how the idea of never seeing her again made him feel but that would make her worry about him and that was the last thing he wanted.

"Do I look dead?" she asked, grabbing one of his hands and placing it over her cheek "and think before you answer that because if it's the wrong one, you'll have to find another skirt to chase" she said, trying to hide a smile, watching as he tried to do the same.

"Next time you have one of those brilliant ideas, discuss it with me first before you act on it" he said, glaring at her. He placed his hands on her hips, slowly moving them backwards "I don't need other skirt...this one is just fine" he smirked at her and dropped his head to her neck, letting his teeth graze the sensitive skin, making her head fall back "Not here" he whispered, pulling away.

Jenny reached to the buttons of his shirt "You're the one who said that nine years was too long" she said, trailing kisses along his jaw.

Gibbs kept his hands frozen but his grip on her waist tightened "I did and after waiting that long, we deserve slow and intense" he said, taking her bottom lip into his mouth and dragging her to his bedroom.

* * *

By the time he closed the door behind him, he was already shirtless and she ran her nails across his bare chest, increasing the intensity with each he attacked her mouth and his hands clung to her curves. Her hands drifted down to his belt and he pulled back, staring into her darkened green eyes. She suppressed a smile by biting her bottom lip, and pulled his hips to her, quickly unbuckling his belt.

"Is it slow enough for you?" she asked, her husky voice making his eyes darken even more. Her hand unbuttoned his pants and moved to the zipper, only to be stopped by his.

"My turn" he said, but still let her help him out of his pants. He smiled wickedly at her and kissed her passionately, entangling his hand in her hair. His other hand worked the first buttons of her shirt, while he lowered his mouth to her neck, trailing along her collarbone and descending to the newly exposed skin. Jenny swallowed hard, breathing heavily. He undid another button, revealing her cleavage to his eyes. His mouth and tongue followed the path of his hands and it didn't take long for her hands to find their way to his head.

"Bed" he whispered against her skin and was soon hovering over body, undoing the rest of the buttons and finding her belly button. Her hands held his head closer as his tongue played with her skin and drifted lower.

As soon as the shirt was completely open, he took her shirt off and amazed by the way her chest moved when she breathed heavily. Placing a wet kiss on her belly button, he trailed up with his tongue, stopping only when he reached her baby blue bra. His hands covered the fabric, with the intent of teasing what it was covering and he lowered his head to her nibble her neck. Her breath on his ear and the sounds escaping from her mouth had him replacing his hands with his mouth and once again her hands pressed his head closer, her legs trying to wrap themselves around him. One of her legs moved against the front of his underwear, applying as much pressure as she could.

It was enough to make him unclasp her bra and throw it away, his mouth attacking her breasts with renewed hunger. The special attention sent shivers through her body, eliciting goose bumps all over her skin. Her nails dug into his nape and he lowered his hand to the small of her back, unzipping her skirt. She lifted her hips and let it slid down her hips and legs. He moved back onto the bed and covered her body with his, kissing her lips with all the feelings he was experiencing. Jenny flipped them over, pinning a surprised Gibbs beneath her. She smiled against his lips and straddled his hips, rubbing herself against him. He groaned, his hands gripping her hips.

"We're wearing too many clothes" he said, his voice sounding as husky as she remembered. Jenny agreed with him and her impatient had already won her internal battle when everything else was removed.

She smashed her mouth against his and their tongues moved from mouth to mouth and their bodies and she sank down into him. They moved slowly, going as far as possible, his hands moving up and down her legs. He admired her beautiful face, his hands reaching out to cup her breasts. Her body was as gorgeous as he remembered and the sight of her moving on top of him reminded his hands of everything she liked, all the right places to touch. She remembered it too, moving the right way to make him crazy, to make his move in the rhythm she needed it to. With every thrust, every kiss, every eye contact, he found himself flipping them over and doing exactly what she wanted. He controlled his hips as much as he could, while she did her best to tease him. Her long legs wrapped around him and urged him to go deeper as her hands marked his skin, his mouth doing the same. As much as he enjoyed slow, her slight parted lips, wild green eyes and shining red hair, were too much of a distraction and he pulled her closer to him, knowing it wouldn't take much long. The pleasure was intense, releasing weaves through their sweaty, entwined bodies.

They lay there for a while, listening to each other's heartbeats, their bodies moving closer to each other as they caught their breath**.** He pulled her to him, her head on his chest, one of his hands in her hair, the other on her hip. She tilted her head and brushed her lips against his, feeling his thumb rubbing another of her scars. She looked into his eyes and guessed what he was thinking about.

"Same day?" he asked quietly, even though he knew the answer.

"Yes" she whispered.

He nodded, but lowered his arm to wrap it around her waist "You're not doing it again, are you?" he asked.

Jenny closed the gap between them and kissed him, to assure both of them. She shifted her weight so she was lying on top of him and deepened the kiss, needing as much of his body as she could get.

"You still don't know how to pace yourself" he whispered, flipping them over.

She arched an eyebrow at him and wrapped her arms around his neck "I've heard practice makes perfect" she said, smirking at him "and I'm not leaving any time soon"

* * *

He'd left her. No, it was not true. She would wake up in the morning and he'd be there; she still could feel his body next to her. She'd cried as much as she could but the tears had ceased and she was now blaming him but at the same time wishing she could see him again. Nobody knew about her, not one person knew her as much as he did. Michael understood her and they were meant for each other. She was also the only one that knew about him, the one he'd let in. She was sad, crying, but she was also relieved. The latter was the worst because it seemed to be ungrateful. She did remember what had happened in that house, the torture and the pain but it didn't mean anything and there were two options, chose between the past and the present. Kelly had died to the world a long time ago but she'd just found out that she was still alive. Madison had died to the world too, died with Michael. Still, she was alive inside of her. Her eyes filled with tears again and she felt her heart tightening. She'd tried to hate him, a thousand times, but it seemed to be impossible. She couldn't hate him; she couldn't hate the father of her son, her little son. She wiped the tears with her hands and remembered what she'd seen that night. Samantha was her daughter too – his daughter – and abandoning her would be like abandoning him again. She wished she could have noticed it since the beginning. She could have prevented it and now he'd be with her. She missed his eyes, his touch, even his anger. It was all gone. She didn't understand those feelings and while part of her loved him, she hated him just the same. He'd left her needing him; just like a drug, she was dependent on him and his death had only made it worse.

_A black shadow hovered over her head. It stood in front of her as soon as the water had evaporated, dressed in a black cloak, a hooded figure. It stretched its arms, palms up, reaching out for her. It knew her, her thoughts and she did recognize it in return but from where? _

After Paul had locked the door, she turned around and prepared to leave, wrapped in a long, black cloak. Looking around, she drew the black hood over her head and the nightmare started again...

* * *

Jenny woke up in the morning and looked at the man sleeping beside her. She kissed his forehead and got up, finding something to wear, and slowly walked to the kitchen. She felt a hand on her shoulder and smiled to herself. She knew he wouldn't be sleeping for much longer anyway...

"I thought you were more tired than that" she said, turning around.

The face she saw was not the one she was expecting, but the glare was very familiar "No, I can't sleep" Kelly said.

Jenny nodded, trying hard not to blush. She didn't know what to say "I didn't know you were here"

"I wasn't" Kelly said, looking the other woman from head to toe "I've just arrived. You're not snooping around, are you, Jenny?" she asked, cocking her head to the side, something Michael used to do very often.

Jenny folded her arms across her chest and used her best Director tone "I'm here for your father" she said "but if need help to find what you're looking for..."

Kelly clenched her jaw, trying to control her anger. How dare she talk about Michael like that? "Don't waste your time. He's dead" she said, her heart beating fast in her chest.

Jenny stared at Kelly, looking deeply into her eyes "Was it what you wanted?" she asked, looking intently, wondering if she had imagined the tear that rolled down Kelly's face.

Kelly didn't reply and turned her back to Jenny, walking towards her bedroom.

* * *

An hour later, Kelly was still in her bedroom when she heard Paul's voice. She followed the sound and saw him talking to Jenny while her father talked to Samantha. She moved slowly, as if her feet were glued to the floor.

_The little girl smiled widely at the woman, holding her hand._

She tried to focus on the girl's face, the face that she'd been unable to indentify for years. Kelly closed her eyes and the dream was there, waiting for her.

_They walked and walked, passing birds standing on the way and an empty chair, which she thought was very strange but didn't have time to make questions. They were doves, all of them, and the only kind of living creature, human or not, aside the girl, she'd ever seen there. When the woman had arrived for the first time and inquired about the doves, the girl refused to explain to her why there were so many doves around, saying that she'd have to find it out by herself, that she couldn't tell her or the black doves would know it. They always did. She never said why that would be a problem…_

"_Where are we going today?" the woman asked, staring at sea almost entirely left behind._

"_We're going to the woods" she answered, more than proud of herself._

She let the others know she was there and they seemed to stop, all eyes turning towards her. She looked at Samantha from afar as the girl played with a strand of Jenny's hair. She was a beautiful little girl and she looked even more like him while awake.

"Good morning" she said, feeling nervous.

Paul leaned closer to Samantha and whispered something into her ear. The girl looked at Kelly shyly and snuggled closer to Paul. There, before her eyes, was the same girl she'd seen in her dreams. She remembered Michael saying she'd never leave him, that he would never let her go, and she smiled as the rest of the dream unfolded before her eyes, at the same time that Paul came closer to her, holding Samantha by the hand.

_It looked neater and dangerously closer, with arms wide open. She couldn't see its face but sensed its eyes on her. Its voice echoed in her head, angrier and louder than the others, whispering words of hatred. She didn't see it moving forward and striking her, like a lion would, covering her entire body with the cloak. Her head hit the floor with a thud, but she saw something before she lost consciousness. And then that feeling…_

_She had a january world  
So many storms not right somehow  
How a lion becomes a mouse  
_

"_I just want to rip it from your chest…" the hooded figure whispered in her ear and pain spread through her body. She looked closer and the hood slowly slipped down, revealing black hair and someone's face; her own face. _

_The woman cried in silence, not able to move anymore. The voices started to fade away, they were crying too, for her and for them. She knew she'd never leave that place…_

_And that awful feeling those voices gave her that day would never leave her bones._

"Hi Sam" she said, crouching down.

_By the woods  
By the woods  
By the woods  
By the woods  
By the woods  
By the woods_

**The End**


End file.
